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I'm Just a Bad Boy: A Fake Memoir

Max "Bunny" Sparber tells the story of his life, and every word of it is a lie.
Bunny Reading

The Jet Pack Tour

Max "Bunny" Sparber uses a small, portable jet pack to visit many of the great landmarks in the world.
Jet Pack

The World of Sailor Martin

Songs, short stories, and miscellany from a bawdy tattooed Sailor Puppet.
Sailor Martin

The Films of William Shatner

Reviews of the strange and obscure films William Shatner made in the 60s and 70s.
Sailor Martin

The Plays of Max Sparber

Original playscripts by Max "Bunny" Sparber, available for download.
Sailor Martin

Plastic Paddy


Max "Bunny" Sparber establishes, at age 41, that he is an Irish-American, and sets out to explore what this means.

Bits and Pieces


Bunny Sparber spends a year at the Walker Art Center, Minneapolis's contemporary art museum; an experiment in new forms of arts criticism.

Tulip


Max "Bunny" Sparber documents the process of writing a one-man show about performer Tiny Tim, including posting his rough scratch demo recordings of original songs, his early drafts of the script, and his research for the project.

The World of Sailor Martin


A free full-length album of original music by America's favorite drunken sailor puppet, available for download here. Songs include "Pour Me Another Box of Wine," "One Million Frogtown Whores," and "Why Are Women So Afraid of Seamen?"

THE ARCHIVE: THE WATERBOY (1998)

7:30 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
STAR Adam Sandler and director Frank Coraci have pieced this film together out of fragments of Sandler’s earlier films, so completely that The Waterboy plays almost as a greatest hits album. This should draw critical ire, as original movies should not function as de facto sequels to previous successful films, but such ire would be misplaced. Sandler is the first modern film star to engage in deliberate serialism, each new film drawing from its predecessors and building upon it. It’s a painstaking, minimalist approach to filmmaking, and the closest artistic comparison would be composer Philip Glass, whose compositions consist entirely of multiple variations on very simple pieces. But Glass plays to Carnegy Hall, while Sandler plays to football stadiums, and each artist must rise or stoop to the level of their audience. From the grunts and cheers of the letter-jacket bedecked audience that showed up in droves for The Waterboy’s opening weekend, it is obvious that Sandler’s serialism stoops to conquer.

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THE ARCHIVE: TOUCH OF EVIL (1958)

7:25 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

FORTY YEARS after its original release, this Orson Welles film still delivers the goods. The studio dramatically re-edited Welles dark vision of bad cops slugging it out in the Southwest, but film scholars and archivists have re-edited it into a close approximation of his original intentions. The harrowing opening sequence — one of the longest single shots in film history, following a car with a bomb in its trunk for a half-dozen minutes, originally played to a sober Henry Mancini soundtrack. Now, as Welles would have had it, it plays to silence. The car becomes the subject of suspense, and it’s an apt metaphor for the film, in which rot and murder hides within every surface. Welles himself used the growing spectacle of his own body as an extension of this metaphor — he spills out from inside his tight detective’s clothes, near bursting from the moral decay that nestles within him. Eventually it must burst, eventually it does.

Touch of Evil is classic hard-boiled American noir — it is dark, kids. Some scenes are filled with almost no light; even in daytime shadows seem oppressive. Buried in these shadows are violence and an arch sense of humor, much of it aimed at Welles himself. Skip work, wear a trenchcoat, and see this with someone you hate.

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THE ARCHIVE: PLEASANTVILLE (1998)

7:18 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
IN HIS REVIEW of Pleasantville, the Omaha World-Herald's Jim Delmont made the impassioned argument that films of this sort present an inaccurate view of the United States during the 1950s. It wasn’t just an era of rigid conformity and sexual repression, he pointed out, but also one of extraordinary cultural achievement (among his list: nascent feminism, abstract expressionism, and the Beat authors). His point is well-taken, but misplaced.

Pleasantville, the town from which the film takes its title, is not America in the 1950s. It is, instead, a fantasy universe — a metaphoric device, perhaps more contemporary than J.R.R. Tolkein’s Middle Earth or C.S. Lewis’ Narnia, but serving the same function. While writer/director Gary Ross (who wrote the script for Dave) apes the tone and look of the bland Father Knows Best-style sitcoms of the middle decade of this century, he gives Pleasantville its own personality and character as a completely fictional universe bound by the inexplicable laws of a never-mentioned television censor. Thus, we have a town with no toilets or married couples that share beds, a town where if anyone strays outside of the script they’ve unknowingly been handed calamity ensues. It’s a town without pain, but also without passion or color.

Ross plunks two contemporary teenagers into this town, and as they begin to push back the margins of what is allowable in this world color appears. At first in spots — a rose, a girl’s mouth — but soon everywhere. This could have been a clunky cinematic device in a film that feels overloaded with potential clunky cinematic devices, but Ross exploits it well. He gives us a spatter of red blood here, a blush of pink cheek emerging from beneath gray makeup there, and each glimpse of supersaturated color (looking for all the world like a hand-tinted photograph) pushes the metaphor into deeper and richer areas. Toward the film’s climax, when two of the protagonists paint a mural on the side of a police station in symbolic protest of repressive legislation, its briefly breathtaking. It is hard to remember the last time a filmmaker (or anyone, for that matter) has made such a passionate argument that art can be a vehicle for social change, and that exposure to beauty can be a transformative experience.

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THE ARCHIVE: PRACTICAL MAGIC (1998)

7:10 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
PRACTICAL MAGIC can perhaps best be described as the chick-flick revision of Fritz Leiber’s Conjure Wife, a 1943 novel that proposed what was to him the horrific notion that that all women are part of a vast, secret coven of witches. Men are fools, the novel claims, while women are the true owners and rulers of this world. They keep their magic hidden from men, tucked in felt satchels in their closets, and allowing their simplistic husbands to believe themselves to be masters of the world.

Misogynistic though it might be, Leiber’s novel points to the roots of the witch mythology — and it isn’t Wicca, the mostly-invented 20th century “white magic” that so-many ex-hippies and flaky college students gravitate towards. It seems unlikely that many of the women burned between the fifteenth and the eighteenth century ever participated in the manufactured rituals of New Age paganism — although they may well have had a paganism of their own. Pre-Christian religions spread like crabgrass through the church’s lands, and the church responded either by appropriating it (witness Halloween) or tossing it upon a pyre and burning it.

“The issue,” said feminist writer Melanie Kaye-Kantrowitz, “is power” — in the case of the church, power over religious expression, power over an impoverished and diseased population, and power over women. Those who even slightly inched their toe away from the line (through refusal to marry, or midwifing, or committing adultery) burned, and burned by the millions. Some clergy of the time boasted to burning tens of thousands of women in a single year. There simply was no place in this world for a powerful woman.

It is no wonder Practical Magic opens with a woman on a gallows, surrounded by Puritans, waiting to hang. And, as in Lieber’s universe, she’s no innocent, condemned for impropriety. She is, instead, a true witch, and the film quickly flash-forwards to the present time, when her two grandchildren (Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman) begin to display the blessing — and the curse — they’ve been willed. A promising start, made more promising by the film’s proposition that all women have the potential to release their inner-witchiness and unleash their womanly powers (symbolized, frequently, by blood) upon the world. This proposition finds its expression in a delirious, manic midnight black mass at the film’s climax, a scene that briefly resembles a painting by Hieronymous Bosch.

Alas, the remainder of the film is one long, goofy date movie. Two marvelous performances by Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing are wasted on cheap jokes and spear-carrier dialogue (at least half of everything they say is exposition), and for what? For a story about two sisters’ search for true love, a search that unfortunately relies on them killing two men (one of them three times). Rather than seizing the mythology of the witch and reclaiming, transforming its symbolism into something modern (as Kama Sutra effectively did with its source material), Practical Magic strips the symbolism of all power. Sure, witches can cast spells, but they also just want to be loved. Why burn these cute, perky gals? The scariest they get is dancing late at night to Harry Nilsson songs! Really, all they need is a hug and a good man, and they become perfect neighbors.

The issue, it seems, is not power. It’s gooshy, syrupy romanticism, written in a velvet bound notebook and dotted with hearts.

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THE PANIC MOB: INTRODUCTION

3:17 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
ALTHOUGH I have just begun work on this, Halloween seems an appropriate time to announce it. I have decided to create an online magazine of horror and speculative fiction called The Panic Mob. It won't be anything fancy at first, as I have no money at all for this project, but, over time, I would like to develop it into a proper magazine, in which contributors get paid and I have an actual operating budget and can pay myself for my work.

The primary influence for this project is Twilight Zone Magazine, which I started purchasing back in 1981, in it's first year of publication, when it was edited by T.E.D. Klein. I will go into more detail about how this magazine will influence my editorial approach down the road, but for now suffice it to say that I am looking to recreate the magazine's taste for inventive, literary stories of the fantastic. There was quite a lot of horror fiction to be found in Twilight Zone Magazine, but, as with the television show from which it took its name, the magazine was not afraid to publish fantasy and science fiction when the stories meshed with the magazine's aesthetic.

So far, all I have really done is buy the domain name and start setting up a Movable Type blog on it (thepanicmob.com), but it's a start. Ordinarily, I do these sorts of things through free sites like Blogger, as with this blog, because I like the fact that blogging is a poor man's art. But if I hope to grow The Panic Mob into a real business, it will be easiest to start it off on its own Web page, rather than have to transfer everything later on, and Movable Type is a relative flexible publishing platform.

In the next few weeks, I am going to more careful articulate the editorial mission. I probably won't do too much with the Web page at first, until I know what it needs, although I will add a submissions guideline to it, as soon as I have written it. And once I have these things in place, I'll put out a call for material. It's going to be tricky -- I wish I could pay writers, but cannot yet. I know I will get submissions, because any sort of publishing venture tends to get flooded with submissions whether they pay or not. But because I cannot pay, those submissions are likely to come from people without much experience, and a lot of them will come from people who haven't bothered to read the editorial mission or guidelines and are submitting material that just isn't appropriate or even very good. (Sometimes, even if they have read the guidelines, they will submit anyway, in the hopes that somehow the rules can be bent for them.) In regular publishing, this is called the slush pile, but in my world, there will only be a slush pile. So there's going to be a lot of work on my end reading through submissions looking for writing that is appropriate.

Additionally, there will be the work of editing a piece to get it into shape. But I'm looking forward to that. It's been quite a while before I really put on my editor's hat, and I miss it. I'd thought about starting a magazine like this before, as I have always loved this style of fiction, but when I last considered it, when I lived in New Orleans, I was trying to figure out how I could make money off it immediately, and I think I was considering it as a print publication. It just seemed too complicated then, but now, since I shall be doing it online and won't seek to make money from it right off the bat, it seems much simpler. We'll see how simple it really is once I get it off the ground.

In the meanwhile, a word about the title. I started out trying to come up with some variation of the Twilight Zone or the Outer Limits -- something that would suggest a physical space where unnatural things happen (there was an online magazine a few years ago called Strange Horizons that did this quite well; they anthologized one of my stories in their first book). But then I strayed away from that and began thinking, instead of a place, why don't I try to think of a group, or gang, that has as its common purpose the goal of frightening people? And so I came up with the Panic Mob, which appealed to me because it also sort of sounded like a 1960s spy thriller. I think what I like best about it as a title is the sense that writers -- and readers -- of the magazine aren't simply isolated individuals with a taste for scary things, but are part of a tangible gang. Who wouldn't want to be part of a group that calls itself the Panic Mob?

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THE ARCHIVE: WHAT DREAMS MAY COME (1998)

9:05 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
DIANE KEATONE, in her odd and fascinating documentary Heaven, neatly charted the social needs that feed people’s complex — and often contradictory — views of the afterlife. Heaven, in Ms. Keaton’s film, is the perfect opposite of the living world. If this is a world of pain, there will be no pain after we die. If ours in a life of poverty, then the dead shall never want. Keaton’s simple, probing questions (such as “Is there sex in Heaven?”) exposed the hidden world of hurt and want her subjects carried throughout life. Heaven answers all questions; heaven fulfills all desires.

What Dreams May Come asks, and badly answers, questions regarding love after death. According to the film, it is possible to conceive of a love so extraordinary that it survives death, even to the point that the lovers can locate each other in Hell and liberate each other. A nice idea, perhaps, in a washed-out watercolor Hallmark card way (the very image, oddly, that forms the central metaphor for the film), but so mishandled by the filmmakers that it is stripped of even the saccharine and labored sentiment it deserves. Though the actors (including Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr, who let their mawkishness run rampant here) try mightily to invest their scenes with emotion, straining to pour forth tears and casting long, meaningful looks at each other, there is little they can do. To face death and find meaning it is one of the most profound of human experience, and in religious literature contains the most complex and contradictory (but also the most poetic) images. Turn such subject matter over to Hollywood, which has little capacity for respecting (or even understanding) the struggles of the human spirit, and you end up with this film: A series of bland platitudes strung through scenes meant to seem meaningful and heartfelt, but ultimately as empty as Jonathan Livingston Seagull and its ilk.

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THE ARCHIVE: ANTZ (1998)

8:57 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
DREAMWORKS SKG seems intent on producing odd little monsters. Like 1997's Mousehunt, Antz looks like a children’s movie, waddles like a children’s movie, quacks like a children’s movie, but isn’t. With its powerhouse cast of vocal talents, some exactly right (Woody Allen, Gene Hackman, Christopher Walken), some badly misplaced (Sharon Stone, Jennifer Lopez), it offer it’s an audience a surplus of visual imagery and clever writing that is simply too ghastly and sophisticated for its (presumably) pre-teen audience. A war between the anthill and a mound of termites has more to do with Starship Troopers (including a deadly spray of acid and a pileup of beheaded corpses) than anything seen in Toy Story. The dialogue owes more to Deconstructing Harry (“I have something against drinking out of the anus of another insect,” Allen’s nebbishy insect says, dismissing a beer offered in a living container) than Tiny Toons. Adult audiences might get turned on to this, but with its short length and focus on superlative computer animation, the story gets buried somewhere behind eye-popping sequences of millions of ants in motion. It becomes impossible to invest oneself fully in the hackneyed plot, so audiences are left dully watching a triumph of technology. What this studio has forgotten, again (return to Mousehunt for another example) is that these technological marvels leave viewers empty if they’re stripped of such human flourishes as character and story.

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THE ARCHIVE: RONIN (1998)

8:45 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

THE CINEMATIC SPY FILM can be divided between gritty character pieces (such as The Spy Who Came in from the Cold) and escapist fantasy (the James Bond films and their sillier, Matt Helm-style impersonators); Overwhelmingly, Hollywood favors the latter. The film industry has struggled to make the movie spy modern, generally by updating the antagonists from Cold War villains to modern terrorists, but this hasn’t changed the simple good guy versus bad guy morality of the films. Spies, they tell us, have the coolest gadgets and permission to kill nasty foreigners. The world is filled with evil schemers who plot to hurt us, and it is the mission of superspies to root out these wrongdoers and make them pay. We need never know of any of it.

Ronin presents a world very different from this, filled with spies who — like the masterless samurai of the title — have become unmoored from their purpose. They wander Europe, plotting against each other and making loose alliances to snatch meaningless secrets, then betray one another to the highest bidder. These are nondescript, unpretty men in cheap clothes who chat idly in coffee shops before becoming suddenly, hideously violent. Their victims are as often civilians as each other, with bodies falling like raindrops and drawing as little notice. They inhabit a terrible, amoral world where the most respected characteristics are the most self-serving — who can kill the most and who can live the longest.

Jazzed up with dialogue by David Mamet (working under a pseudonym) and helmed by director John Frankenheimer, Ronin brought back to the genre something almost forgotten when it was released: suspense. It seems impossible now that the most clichéd of cinematic conventions — car chases (including toppling outdoor fruit stands), gunfights (including Mexican standoffs) and double-crosses (including an exploding briefcase) — could be made interesting. Ronin serves up all these conventions, but presents them as shopworn tools of the spying trade. Star Robert De Niro clings to these tools as doggedly as he does to his old pistol, knowing they will serve his needs in a pinch, and when they do it’s briefly electrifying. Ronin might not be a great film, but it effectively breathed new life into a genre that stood on the brink of extinction.

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THE ARCHIVE: SLUMS OF BEVERLY HILLS (1998)

8:38 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
“WE'RE NOMADS,” Vivian Abramowitz explains at the end of The Slums of Beverly Hills. Sad-eyed and worldly beyond her 14 years, Vivian (played expertly by Natasha Lyonne) comes of age in the seedy motels and cheap restaurants of Beverly Hills, continually pulled from one dive to another by her loser father Murray (Alan Arkin). Frustrated and forever begging money off his wealthy older brother, Murray doggedly remains in the 90210 zip code to allow his kids to take advantage of the city’s excellent educational system.

This sort of autobiographic coming-of-age story can be flawed by self-indulgence, but Slums deftly sidesteps these traps in favor of richly detailed storytelling. Writer/director Tamara Jenkins fills her version of a low-rent Beverly Hills with complex, carefully detailed characters and situations. A few of these prove indelible, many dealing with the terrible alienation Vivian feels from her own rapidly-developing body. Her breasts balloon outward, she bleeds, and she alternates between craving and despising her pot-dealer neighbor (Kevin Corrigan, who co-wrote and starred in the odd and underseen Kicked in the Head). The script is witty and intelligent, but more importantly it’s . . . well, girly. This is not a film a man, however well meaning, could have written. As carefully as Jenkins details the humiliations of budding womanhood, she also celebrates them. The Slums of Beverly Hills carries the same sort of knowing, smirking girlishness that briefly, and beautifully, the Riot Grrrl movement infused into its music. It is a ragged, punk jolt of pure joy as autobiography is transformed into art and embarrassment is transformed into comedy.

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THE ARCHIVE: KNOCK OFF (1998)

8:32 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
WHILE director Tsui Hark is Chinese, the real metaphor for Knock Off is Japlish — that weird combination of Japanese street slang and nonsensical English that can be found throughout the popular culture of the Land of the Rising Sun. Just as a T-shirt on a Tokyo University student will read, without explanation, “Doggie Fun” and couple it with a cartoon of a fish smoking a cigarette, so does Knock Off combine alien, disparate elements into a big, beautiful, meaningless brew.

Hark was one of the foremost filmmakers of Hong Kong filmmaking, responsible for masterpieces such as the Once Upon a Time in China series, but here in the U.S. he’s been relegated to directing Jean-Claude Van Damme films — the bottom of the action-film feeding chain. No matter, Hark rips into the crumbs and scraps he’s been thrown with gusto. He overloads the screen with theatrical cinematic flourishes, his camera spinning and pirouetting like a mad dancer. Given Rob Schneider, he throws the diminutive funnyman into a rickshaw race where his cinematic equivalents are dwarves and children. Given a blisteringly stupid script, he bypasses it altogether, to the point that despite the fact that every character in the film speaks English they might as well be speaking Cantonese (without subtitles).

Dialogue doesn’t matter, story doesn’t matter, all that matters is the frenzy of beautiful motion, and Van Damme is the anchor around which it all spins. Action directors in the past have complained that Van Damme isn’t much of a martial artist — his real background is ballet — but here he’s never been more fluid. He glides through some of the most imaginative action sequences this side of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. And he never stops grinning, clearly enjoying the opportunity to completely drop all pretenses of acting in favor of returning to the dance.

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THE ARCHIVE: 54 (1998)

8:24 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
MANY GREAT FILMS could be made about the era of excess that was New York in the 1970s, but this is not one of them. Like The Last Days of Disco before it, 54 shows us a nightclub full of beautiful hedonists and makes it look boring. Lavish and sprawling, Club 54 was at the center of its era, with its larger-than-life manager Steve Rubell at the center of it all. Perhaps the most famous nightclub in history, it was the home to celebrities, wild orgies, and famous excesses — and the media gleefully covered it all.

54 plays out like a Martin Scorsese movie made for the USA network. Director Mark Christopher wants to tell the epic story of Steve Rubell, but his vision is too small and the tragedy is mundane. The club’s history is that of Rubell’s (played by Mike Meyers, turning in a real performance for once), its ringmaster and overwhelming personality, and the trajectory of his rise and fall would have been a fascinating story. But instead of placing Rubell at the center of his own story, we see him through the eyes of Shane (Ryan Philippe), a good kid from Jersey who longs to mingle with the beautiful people in Studio 54. Shane is an excessively bland character, radiating a denseness and lack of personality that is positively breathtaking. When he’s dismissively referred to as a “troglodyte” by a New York socialite, it is not so much an insult as an accurate assessment. And there’s nothing interesting about watching cavemen wrestle with moral dilemmas; they’re not very good at it.

Soon Shane is hanging with the cool kids inside the club. They use drugs, rant about their Fame-like dreams of success, and generally annoy each other. Perhaps Mr. Christopher focused on these shiny non-entities because he despises Rubell. He takes great pains to paint the employees at the club as naive waifs, victimized by every weird whim of Rubell. Meyers is dolled up in a fright wig and weird clothes, and scampers about the club like a cloying mouse. The real Rubell, according to reports, was obsessed with taste and style. He certainly looked better than Meyers does, and here he’s painted as utterly grotesque.

In the club scenes, Christopher occasionally displays flashes of real humor, almost exclusively through well-placed cameos. While it is briefly funny to see porn star Ron Jeremy sulking by the coat check or Michael York bellowing about the pleasures of “swinging London in the ’60s,” there isn’t enough of this kind of daffiness to elevate the movie to rank of being a trash treasure. Virtually every scene in Showgirls is inadvertently hilarious. 54 can’t even come close.

A good storyteller would set Shane up for the big fall, and Christopher seems headed in that direction. Shane’s use of drugs increases, his bland amorality increases, and he seems destined to sleep with his best friend’s wife. Something terrible always seems on the verge of happening, and seeing the social circle Shane travels in we wouldn’t be surprised if he wound up a male prostitute, trading sexual favors with elderly men for a few lines of cocaine. But it never comes, the worst thing that happens to Shane and his friends is that they lose their jobs when the disco gets shut down by the IRS. Plus, we know the little punk hasn’t learned his lesson because when the disco reopens he’s still cruising the dance floor like a mako shark. 54 is a rotten movie, laughable when it tries to be dramatic, tedious when it wants to be fabulous.

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THE ARCHIVE: BLADE (1998)

11:07 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 1 Response
FILE THIS ONE under guilty pleasures. Silly, cartoonish and obscenely violent, Blade nonetheless provides significant bang for the movie going buck. Let’s start with Wesley Snipes: Simultaneously the most talented and obnoxious of today’s action stars, he’s finally abandoned his public posture of hating the films he makes and instead chosen to embrace them. Listed in Blade’s credits as co-producer, he’s clearly in his element. He brings to his eponymous vampire hunter the frenzy and savagery he displayed in Demolition Man but buries underneath it a genuine pathos. Although we’re told he’s half-vampire, the source of his characterization is clearly the wolf man — who inevitably seems a wretched creature, made a monster by circumstances. His Blade is a bad mother — Shut your mouth! I’m just talking about Blade. Oh, I can dig it — but we don’t envy him for it.

Let’s now examine the action scenes. The final credits list Mr. Snipes as choreographer, making him a man of many hats indeed. He’s clearly taken a page from Bruce Lee’s book in staging action, as many of the fight sequences consist of hundreds of nondescript baddies flinging themselves at him. These he dispatches with quick, elegant snaps of his wrist or sharp spinning kicks. The violence is creative, continuous, and entertaining as hell. These scenes serve the same function as dance numbers in a musical — they’re showstoppers, and Mr. Snipes demonstrated he is to whoopass as Fred Astaire was to the foxtrot.

Finally, Blade is an interesting, unusual reminder that we never completely leave our past behind us. We wrap ourselves in layers of our own history, whether with fashion (bellbottoms, anyone?) or religion (retrojection, anyone?), or mythology. The vampire has come a long way from his origins: no more mirrors or crosses and bearing a medical explanation for his condition (their blood can’t sustain hemoglobin). He serves as an example of the way that we reformat our old ideas, much the way we do our old computers — updating them with the newest possible programs and info. Blade is as high-tech as they get, it’s top-of-the-line and happy to display its flashy new accessories. It is the best, coolest item on the shelf, and consumers will snap it up the way they do a great video game.

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THE ARCHIVE: SMOKE SIGNALS (1998)

10:57 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
NOVELIST Alexie Sherman, author of The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, upon which Smoke Signals is based, has an exceptional poetic sensibility. He writes into his characters thick Native American reservation accents and clunky speech habits (such as the abundance of the idiom “innit?”), giving his dialogue a richness of expression comparable perhaps only to the Coen brothers’ obsessive use of slang and regionalisms in their films. Smoke Signals similarly features poetic visuals to express its bittersweet subject matter. The film tells of an emotionally wounded young man who leaves his reservation to claim the ashes of his father, who died in Phoenix after abandoning his family. In tow is a geeky blabbermouth of a best friend — bespectacled, wide-grinned and closely connected with the dead father. Road trip movies are frequently metaphors for journeys into the past; see Powwow Highway and Life Ain’t No Candy Mountain (both of which show echo the themes of this film) for examples of this. Here, the journey is personal, and necessary. Our characters are deeply damaged, and cannot progress without addressing the origins of that damage, which for both is the dead father (played with exceptional grace by Gary Farmer). For a film that is — at times — utterly hilarious, at its center is heartbreak. “How do we forgive our fathers?” one character asks at the film’s end, and the question takes on considerable weight. Without forgiveness, our characters will remain psychically crippled — but the things they must forgive are terrible: alcoholism, abuse, murder. Like The Sweet Hereafter, Smoke Signals explores some remarkably sad and complex themes with exceptional lyricism. Both are fine, beautiful films, well worth seeing.

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THE ARCHIVE: BASEKETBALL (1998)

10:50 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
SOUTH PARK creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have a career in films ahead of them, if they want it. They have a comfortable and lazy charisma in front of the cameras, looking for all the world as if they belonged there. They compliment each other perfectly, Parker displaying an easy charm and surprising gravity while Stone lurches and staggers into weirder territory. They know themselves to be funny, and they’re able to develop and maintain complex comic personas without slipping into the winking and nudging of the audience lesser actors display. BASEketball provides an occasionally hysterical — but all too frequently mediocre — introduction to their live-action talents. Reveling in a lowest-common-denominator humor, BASEketball relies too heavily on tired conventions. Perhaps it’s funny hearing stuffy character actors like Robert Stack cussing like a longshoreman — once. After the seventh time, the joke has worn thin. The film includes a great character performance from Dian Bachar, but director David Zucker can’t think of any more clever use for his talents than to constantly abuse the tiny man. Some of the off-color humor is quite funny, but coming several weeks after Something About Mary opened it seems positively tepid. Points go to the film for sparing us references to South Park (there’s only one), but Parker and Stone — who became overnight celebrities while filming this one — should use their newfound Hollywood clout to get themselves better projects.

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BUNNY SPARBER'S LIST OF WORDS AND PHRASES THAT IMMEDIATELY MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT IN POLITICAL DISCOURSE

3:32 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 4 Responses
I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS, but it is election season, and I am starting to get a little exhausted by how degraded our national political dialogue has gotten. This seems especially true as we move into the last week the presidential campaign and sloganeering and politicking has moved into a dark, manic phase. There are a lot of words and phrases that get shouted out into the marketplace of ideas, and some of them are, frankly, quite stupid. I guess the maketplace of ideas is like any other marketplace -- without regulation, it becomes glutted with debased and worthless merchandise promoted by unscrupulous or incompetent salespeople. So I thought now would be a good time to make a list of some of these items and ask that they be removed from the marketplace. Some are simple nonsense, but others are genuinely poisonous and should be stripped from the shelves as soon as possible.

SHEEPLE: This is the favored expression of fanatics who enjoy believing that the majority of people are simpletons who will do whatever any sort of authority demands. Unfortunately, this worldview is often true, and so my only real reason for discouraging the use of this word is because it makes is mostly used by frothing cranks, and you wouldn't want to sound like that.

DRINK THE KOOL AID: There are several things wrong with this. Firstly, as a rhetotical tool, it is just pure bullying, suggesting that someone's political opinion is based in being an unthinking pawn who isn't even capable of realizing when they are being asked to swallow a toxic beverage. It's generally used in a braying, mocking way by people who are quite certain that anyone who disagrees with them possesses a cro-magnon level of intelligence; frequently, though, it is the person who utters the phrase who, when pressed, will demonstrate a political understanding that consists entirely of a series of ill-considered bumper sticker phrases strung together. This may explain why they don't bother to attempt any sort of dialogue with anyone else, but simply shout another ill-considered bumper-sticker phrase at them.

And why is "drinking the Kool Aid" an ill-considered bumper sticker phrase? Well, to begin with, it borrows from the mass suicide of Jim Jones's followers at the People Temple in Guyana. 909 people died, many of them forced to drink poison at gunpoint, and the act of turning this tragedy into a nasty political aphorism is grotesque. But, beyond that, Jones's followers drank Flavor Aid, not Kool Aid. It's pretty embarassing to bark out a put-down suggesting that someone is too thickheaded to bother with facts, and then to get the facts of the put-down wrong.

MARXISM: This political philosophy has made a surprising comeback as an unthinking epithet during this election, with McCain's followers regularly accusing Obama of Marxism, because they claim he wants to "spread the wealth." They had been calling him a socialist for a while, which was not unexpected, as "socialist" has long been a popular accusation from conservatives and means, as far as I call tell, that someone wants to restructure taxes so that money no longer drains out of the middle and lower classes to benefit the upper class, but instead drains out of the lower and upper class to benefit the middle class. Were it two weeks ago, I would be calling for the suspension of the usage of the word socialist until people who used it got a remedial course in poltics and economics. However, for some reason, in the past few weeks, they have become more specific and accused Barack Obama of being a Marxist.

Obama is not a Marxist, and you sound like an idiot when you make that claim, so stop it. Marxists have a pretty clearly defined political philosophy, and it is quite a lot more complex than wanting to spend tax money in a way you find wasteful. Unless you can make the case that Obama has, in his life, insisted that workers must control the means of production before there is equality, Obama is not a Marxist. Unless you can point to the moment Obama described an inevitable historic evolution from feudalism to capitalism to socialism to communism to anarchism, he is not a Marxist. Unless you can point to Obama claiming that communism can only come about by revolution, he is not a Marxist. Marx also argued that religion has a specific social function, creating a theological framework that supports capitalism; I defy anyone to point out where Obama has made a similar claim. The Democratic candidate for President is not a Marxist, and you just sound stupid when you say he is. Stop it.

ANTI- OR UN-AMERICAN: These two phrases, the ugliest in American politics, seemed to have been retired after the era of the McCarthy witch hunts, when they were last popular. They are expressions of hideous destructive power but almost no real meaning when leveled at other Americans, and it our failing that we do not confront people who use the phrase and demand to know specifically what they mean by it, as when Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann recently leveled the charge that there was anti-Americanism in Congress, and that she was concerned that Obama might be anti-American.

This is not to say there is no such thing as Anti-Americanism. It is a useful phrase when discussing the United States' position in the world, and in recognizing certain negative stereotypes about the United States that might be held worldwide. But this is not the context in which the word tends to be used nowadays. No, it is used as it was during the era of McCarthy, as a progagandist tool that identifies a pure "American" idiology and demonizes any opposing viewpoints. (This is sometimes done subtly, as when the McCain campaign recently began identifying the pockets of the U.S. that supported their campaign as being "the real America.") But America is a country with a longstanding respect for pluralism in political thought -- we wrote guarantees to protect unpopular ideas into our Constitution. The phrases "UnAmerican" and "Anti-American", as they are commonly used, have no redeeming value in political discourse, and anyone who uses them has automatically recused themselves from reasonable discussion.

HOPE: We all vote out of hope, whoever we vote for; people who vote for Lyndon Larouche hope that he will do something about Jewish bankers. Affixing the word to Obama simply makes Democrats seem like they are caught up in a insecure cult of personality.

MUSLIM AND ARAB: We can't retire these words from political discussion, as we need them, but we can demand that people who use them know what the hell they are talking about, and not merely lob them out like they are shorthand for "people we don't like." Arabs and Muslims have been so thoroughly demonized in the U.S. that it is possible to attempt to smear Obama simply by suggesting he is one or the other or both. Americans know so little about Islam, or about Arabs, that they don't really know what they are, or that you can be one without being the other. There is too little room here for me to offer an introduction to the subject, but if you hear someone using Arab or Muslim interchangably (and especially when they use it interchangably with "terrorist"), and when they demonstrate confusion about the fact that it is possible to be an Arab or a Muslim and also be an American, politely escort them to the nearest computer and insist they do three minutes worth of research on the topic before they open their mouths again.

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THE ARCHIVE: ARMAGEDDON (1998)

10:55 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
ARMAGEDDON seems designed to widen the growing split between audiences and critics, demonstrated by the war of words it generated on the Internet (“I don’t care what USA Today says,” read one angry Website, “this is the popcorn film of the summer!”). An overwrought and overhyped monstrosity, Armageddon nonetheless succeeds by fulfilling the needs of a filmgoing demographic that wields astonishing economic weight: 12-year-old boys and like-minded adult men. This is the exact group producer Jerry Bruckheimer always targets (in films like The Rock and Con Air) and by producing movies of melodramatic caricatures battling each other in a world of easy heroics he’s won their moviegoing dollar.

As much as I like absurd action films, I side with the critics this time. Bruckheimer produced little in this film than more evidence that the public will happily pay vast sums to watch the film industry dig a hole in the ground, throw in hundreds of millions of dollars, and then set it all on fire — assuming the fire is spectacular enough.

And it is spectacular this time. Director Michael Bay long ago abandoned artful filmmaking (with such niceties as believable motivations or logical plotting) in favor of pure hyperbole: his favorite camera setup essentially consists of shouting “action!” and then flinging his camera through the air — often directly at his own actors. If the visceral camerawork wasn’t nauseating enough, he frames every shot as though it was posed for Time magazine, circa 1962. For example, early in the film star Bruce Willis is brought to see the big spaceship that will fly him and his ragtag crew to destroy a meteor plummeting towards the earth. He gasps in amazement, saying “who will fly this?”

“They will,” is the response, with a finger pointed at a dozen pilots standing before an American flag. The pilots pose with their arms folded or on their hips, chests puffed out, the flag waving behind them in slow motion. Scenes like these make Deep Impact seem as if it was an essay in subtlety, and brought unintentional laughter from the audiences at Cannes. Opening day audiences in Omaha, where I saw the film, weren’t as quick to giggle (perhaps the French are predisposed to hating films like this), but even they found it hard to locate the appropriate emotional response to a film about oil drillers. In a display of heroic machismo late in the narrative, Willis brags, “my team has always made the depth they drilled for,” leaving the audience unsure what to cheer. “Yes! Drill to that depth!” just didn’t feel very fun.

But if they didn’t know when to cheer, Bay and Bruckheimer certainly let them know when to laugh. Fleshing out the cast with a range of indie film character actors playing wackos (including Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare, who both bring more to their performances than the film warranted), Armageddon overflows with the sort of snickering, locker-room humor mined so extensively in Con Air. Buscemi, for example, is introduced as “Rock Hound.” “We call him Rock Hound,” one character explains, “because he’s always horny.” What? You’d think he got his nickname from a fascination for aggies and other shiny pebbles, but apparently those guys are randier than they seem when they’re polishing their chunks of slate.

Bay brings in virtually every plot device from The Rock, so I only have space for a partial list: a team of mismatched experts called in to help inept government; a girlfriend in a control booth who is forced to watch and worry as her man handles a crisis; military officials who argue about fate of the heroes; poison gasses; self-sacrifice; odd versions of “Leaving on a Jet Plane”; and an obsession with the assassination of John F. Kennedy. And, as in The Rock, Bay generates excitement by simply tossing stuff at his heroes rather than letting the drama evolve naturally. Willis and Co. can hardly cross a room without something snapping at their asses, threatening to ruin everything. Instead of putting audiences on the edge of their seats, however, this instead makes the good guys seem woefully inept. They can’t even land on a space station to refuel without blowing the thing up.

By the film’s climax, Bay and Bruckheimer have resorted to throwing so much at their heroes so fast that time itself becomes warped — a scene which in a normal film would take several minutes flashes by in seconds. Characters move from location to location with such dizzying speed that one begins looking for Star Trek-style transporters. Characters pop up and disappear in an eyeblink, mouthing platitudes or pithy lines, bringing to mind an obscenely violent episode of Laugh-In. Scenes that could have been high drama — such as the evaporation of Paris — come off as high camp, as a dozen confused patrons of a café drop their croissants moments before a flash of light sweeps them off the planet. Tech guys and faceless military-types duke it out in a NASA control room as Bruce Willis clutches the detonator to the bomb that will save the world, and we no longer care. The destruction of our planet would just be another pyrotechnic blip, just another explosion of light and color, and by now Armageddon’s amphetamine-kick filmmaking is starting to wear off. We need the world to end, we need to feed this monkey on our back that is seeking something bigger and louder. And when the world does not end, when the heroic self-sacrifice at the film’s end saves it, our mind goes racing backwards to the preview that opened Armageddon two hours ago: a new Will Smith film, directed by Tony Scott and produced by Bruckheimer. Man, that looked cool.

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THE ARCHIVE: A PRICE ABOVE RUBIES (1998)

10:47 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
HASIDIM were right to protest this film, although the did so (as usual) for exactly the wrong reasons. They rankle at its presentation of their Ultra-Orthodox sect of Judaism — which is certainly none-too-flattering — when they should instead complain that director Boaz Yakin has produced an unwatchable monstrosity. Briefly, the film appears it will be a comedy, casting Renée Zellweger as a Hasidic nymphomaniac. Oh, it’s genuinely riotous when her professions of passion drive the community’s Rebbeh into a last, deadly tryst with his wife. And then there’s her wicked brother, seducing her by claiming “we distinguish ourselves by the qualities of our sins.” Ah, but it’s not a comedy, and the story quickly plummets into a bland melodrama about Zellweger discovering an impassioned Puerto Rican jeweler, and her limited repertoire of acting tools (consisting mostly of variations on a single pouty theme) can’t carry it. Mirimax here went the way of Cannon films, whose Israeli producers were infamous for occasionally interrupting their torrent of pulpy action films (Cyborg, et al) with dreadful Jewish-themed movies (The Magician of Lublin). All the elements are here in Rubies: an incomplete understanding of morality (particularly the textured Jewish interpretation of justice), muddy mysticism, and — saddest of all — misunderstood feminism. Jewish feminists have created some of the most exciting discourses in contemporary Judaism (see Melanie Kaye-Kantrowicz or Judith Plaskow, for starters), but it only takes a few films like Rubies to undo all their good work. Read the books, skip the film.

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THE ARCHIVE: MA VIE EN ROSE (1997)

6:31 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
JUSTIFIABLY a critical favorite from 1997, Ma Vie En Rose is another cinematic wonder from the same country that gave us the singular Toto the Hero. While it’s easy to see why critics would rave about this story of a little boy who is utterly, unflappably convinced he’s a girl, it’s surprising more of a public cult hasn’t sprung up around the thing. It is, after all, a document of the early, painful years of a club kid, and features one of the most blindingly, transcendentally fluorescent images in the history of cinema: La Monde du Pam, the favorite television show of our sweet-faced protagonist Ludovic. The Barbie-like Pam flies around her day-glo dream house, meets up with her boyfriend (“Ken!”), and then proceeds to dance. Eyes wide, lips trembling with pleasure, Ludovic watches her and joins in, dancing her distinctive Pam dance, and eventually incorporates her into his life. Like many great young transvestites, he doesn’t simply adore Pam, he wants to be her, dressing in her distinctive pink tones at the most inopportune moments (in front of his father’s boss, for example). It makes a royal mess of his life (nothing is as sure to get you beaten up after a soccer game than proposing marriage to another boy), his family’s life (as neighbors move from pity to outright hatred), and eventually the entire community.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO (1998)

6:24 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
SET IN and around a fictional New York discotheque in the early ’80s, director Whit Stillman gives us the last thing we’d ever expect: a Yuppie drama. Chatty, character-driven and virtually free of affectation, the film details disco as experienced by Harvard graduates and business-attired professionals, and despite the presence of muscle-bound leather boys and hulking Euro-trash in the background, the world of the dance club is left completely unexplored. Stars Chloë Sevigny and Kate Beckinsdale seem to have dropped in from Stillman’s previous film efforts — and characters from Metropolitan and Barcelona make odd guest appearances. Except for a passionate, babbling ode to disco at the film’s end, the story treads familiar Stillman turf: the complex social life of Manhattan socialites; the failings of intellectualism; the amorality of the very rich. The vast disco set never changes, those who people it look exactly the same from night to night, and it becomes obvious that Stillman could care less about it — it’s a convenient backdrop, but there’s no passion for the music, no extended dance numbers, no couplings in the corners. Disco offers a few small legitimate pleasures — dense character work, sharp scripting, and an uproarious closing credits scene. But the disco monkey on my back is only temporarily sated, and soon will demand more.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE TRUMAN SHOW (1998)

6:03 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THE SECOND great paranoid film of 2008, The Truman Show has considerable more sophistication and polish than Dark City, but essays the same terrifying idea: If we were to step just inches outside the happy humdrum of our lives, we’d discover the whole world is artificially constructed for an audience we will never meet for purposes we will never understand. Director Peter Weir (previously responsible for such small masterpieces as Gallipole and Fearless) reportedly reworked the script for over a year before he was satisfied, and his care shows: Everything that could have been obvious and unsatisfying is underplayed, while subtleties and nuances are brought to the front. The world built for unwitting television star Truman Burbank (Jim Carrey, playing comedy without his usual mugging) is woefully incomplete — cameras drop out of the sky, family members blatantly plug products, and extras desperately whisper to Burbank that he’s the victim of a colossal fabrication. Despite this, Burbank remains blissfully unsuspicious and happy to believe the hurried and absurd explanations everyone foists on him. But the glaring cracks in the facade grow unmistakable as Burbank moves into his 31st year, and coupled with memories of a terrible death in the family (constructed by the show’s producers) and a too-brief romance (denied by these same producers) drive Burbank to attempt escape. It’s an obvious but startlingly satisfying metaphor, like a fairy tale for adults, and absurdly we grow to identify Burbank’s conundrum as our own. By the end of the film, his own flight from his pleasant but quietly desperate life becomes extraordinarily compelling, and here Weir pulls out his strongest imagery as the Burbank’s world is laid bare as a set, his life as a product.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE BIG ONE (1997)

5:57 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
LEFTY PRANKSTER Michael Moore sets out to again prove that the most dangerous man in the world is one with a question to ask. In this instance, he brings a film crew with him on a 50 day tour of 48 cities while promoting his book Downsize This!, taking time out of his hectic schedule to harass big business executives. His question: How can U.S. companies ethically justify shutting down domestic factories in favor of cheaper international labor, particularly when many of them are making record profits? While Moore is a funny man, this film’s true voice is those of recently downsized workers as they express their bewilderment and sense of abandonment directly to the camera. Moore has a knack for asking just the right question (such as during his minimal, but essential involvement in Blood in the Face, where a single question from him triggers a flurry of paranoid, hateful ranting from a neo-Nazi), and he’s not some simple ideologue. If his pranking seems somewhat uninspired this time (particularly when compared with the pure political theater he produced in TV Nation), his subject matter is essential and underdiscussed. The America he gives us is one untouched by Clinton’s supposed economic advances, in which people must work two full-time jobs just to make ends meet, and cannot know they’ve got any security or advancement. As though this weren’t ample demonstration of how undervalued American labor has become, the richest companies are dumping their employees en masse for cheaper workers across the border. Its a terrifying report card on the condition of American employment, one which would be thoroughly unpalatable if it weren’t for Moore’s searching comic sensibilities.

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: DRUNKS

1:00 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

THERE WAS A TIME, one of the grimmest in my life, when I made my living by rolling drunks.

You make some bad decisions, you lose a job, and, after a month or so, you watch your money dwindle down to nothing. Rent is coming due, your phone has been turned off, and you have been living off canned corn you got at the food shelf. Suddenly, your sense of morality, which was never that firm to begin with, becomes quite flexible.

At least, that's what happened to me. Minneapolis is a town a ten thousand dive bars, and I took to lurking around them at closing time, when streams of inebriated patrons staggered into the streets. There was bound to be one or two who only made it partway down the street, or barely managed to get his car door open, before slipping into unconsciousness. I actually managed to convince myself that I was doing these dissolute men a favor by rolling them. I told myself that they would wake up the next day, see what I had done, and promise themselves that they would be more careful the next time, before they fell into the clutches of someone who might really hurt them.

There is no real trick to rolling a drunk. You just get your hands under them and give them a shove. If you've got a long stick, you can use that, the way children use sticks to roll hoops down the street. A good piece of advice is to look for hills, because then you only need to give a drunk a shove or two and he will start rolling himself. Very few drunks live at the tops of inclines -- most are smart enough to drink uphill from where they live. Some, upon leaving the bar, will actually try to position themselves in such a way that, when they tumble into unconsciousness, they will just somersault home on their own, or at least partway there. They don't mind if you roll them the rest of the way, the remaining block or two to their homes, because it's still cheaper than being rolled all the way from the bar.

I posted my rates on my jacket. Everyone in the business of rolling drunks is required to, along with their drunk rolling license. Some rollers nonetheless cite inflated rates to their clients, counting on a drunk being to intoxicated to check or care. I don't know why they bother. It's a cash business, and, on Fridays and Saturdays, you take home a nice wad, plus a fair amount of breath mints as tips. And there are inspectors who pose as drunks, and will take your license away if you quote them the wrong price. It just doesn't seem worth it to wring a few extra bucks out of some alcoholic.

But, then, some are saving to get out of the business, which can be dangerous. Last month alone, three drunk rollers were robbed after the picked up clients they thought were unconscious inebriates, but turned out to be professional heist men who had doused themselves in Jack Daniels, but were, in fact, sober and armed. This is why I never rolled more than one drunk at a time; I did not dare put myself in a position where I was outnumbered.

The truth is, despite the risks, I didn't mind the job. I enjoyed the company. Sometimes a drunk would wake up midway home, and we would talk as I rolled him to his apartment. Being a drunk roller has this in this in common with being a bartender: You end up on the receiving end of some wild stories by garrulous alcoholics. One elderly souse told me about his experiences in Korea, where he was stationed from 1950 to 1952. He didn't see any action, as he spent the war filing papers in Seoul, but he had some very interesting tales about getting drunk in the Far East. Drunk rolling is quite different there. It's mostly done by children, and it usually takes between three or four boys to roll a single drunk. He would pay them in chocolate, or give them toy harmonicas, and, if he wasn't completely loaded, sometimes he would have them roll him to a local brothel. There the women would bathe him and massage him, and later provide untold pleasures, all the while plying him withsaki . At the end of the evening, they would load him on a conveyor belt and convey him back to the street, where the boys would be waiting to take him home. The old man happily informed me that the entire evening would only cost him ten dollars, although he allowed that the boys were much rougher at rolling, and he would spend the next day bruised.

I rolled drunks for two years, until I was held up. Before then, I prided myself on my ability to spot suspicious characters, but this night I rolled a young woman. She seemed harmless, as she was quite small and frail-looking, and she genuinely seemed intoxicated, an appearance assisted by flecks of vomit on her handbag. But I hadn't rolled her more than a block when she sprung to her feet and pointed a 9mm pistol at me. I gave her $75 and she ran off into the night, laughing. I decided the job was too rough for me.

My next job was pouring mickeys at a clip joint, but that's another story altogether.

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THE ARCHIVE: FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (1998)

11:21 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
AN INSTANT CULT CLASSIC, and a far more corrosive vision of author Hunter S. Thompson’s misadventures in bad journalism than 1980’s Where the Buffaloes Roam, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is exactly what the critics feared: an incomprehensible and ghastly hallucination. In 1971 (“This foul year of our Lord”) Thompson and his lawyer left Los Angeles to cover a motorcross race, and later a District Attorney’s convention concerning narcotics addiction. The most extreme proponent of New Journalism (in which the author acts as a character, and mythologizer, in the events he or she covers), Thompson took to these writing assignments with a semi-fictionalized savagery which still leaves readers breathless. Between rampant drug abuse, trashing hotel rooms and ignoring the events he promised to cover, he managed to produce extended stream-of-consciousness rants — these he sent to his bewildered editors almost without explanation.

But behind the misbehavior lurked a ferocious intelligence, and his coverage of bland Americana (casinos, recreational sports, politics) came off as slapstick versions of Ernie Pyle’s frontline war journalism. Thompson might not have been a likable character (in Fear and Loathing he and his massive Samoan lawyer abuse everything and everyone around them with an impassive cruelty that is truly terrifying), but he was necessary. In 1971 middle-class America had neatly split in half (“Square” vs. “cool,” according to an expert at the D.A.’s convention), and as their experiences grew increasingly distant they began to lose even a common language. Thompson translated the square world for his cool audience, often with a mix of contempt and incomprehension — and in his best work by bypassing every conventional (and reasonable) approach to journalism he exposed the collapse of the American dream.

Director Terry Gilliam has provided a rough outline — something like a Cliff’s Notes version — of Thompson’s voice in Fear and Loathing. Star Johnny Depp has done nothing in this film to detract from his growing reputation as the foremost actor of his generation, but his research technique consisted of following Thompson around and mimicking his mannerisms. He does this perfectly, but as anyone who has seen a television interview with Thompson (or his extended appearance in last year’s Anthem) can tell you: Thompson was a shell of his former self. Years of bad behavior and bad drugs had left him a shambling, muttering monster, and this is the Thompson Depp gives us. It’s a great performance, and he plays it for high comedy, but it’s a vision of the past as reflected by the present. And if there’s a failing to the film, it’s that Gilliam (and a half-dozen other writers, including Sid and Nancy’s Alex Cox) never gives us a sense that Thompson is commenting on the action as it takes place. Our director tosses in ongoing images of Vietnam, but they’re without context, as though there is a collective mass understanding of the war he can evoke simply by presenting news footage of the thing. There isn’t now, and there certainly wasn’t then. Likewise, Gilliam has Thompson writing about the collapse of the youth culture — a culture which was then just hitting its stride in most of the U.S. This was a complicated time, and Thompson’s ruminations in the film serve only to oversimplify it.

Where the film succeeds is as a long, strange trip. Gilliam is a supreme stylist and longtime friend of Thompson collaborator Ralph Steadman, so the film has a look and tone which feels right on. He works in bizarre imagery (particularly including little people) the way Picasso worked in blue, and here he pulls out all the stops. It's guaranteed to drive quite a few folks out of the theater, but those that remain will no doubt return again and again. Even abbreviated, even oversimplified, Thompson’s voice remains compelling and startling as ever.

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THE ARCHIVE: WOO (1998)

11:15 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
HE'S a sweet-hearted schlub, she’s a walking disaster, and both are looking for love. While this is the traditional formula for the screwball comedy (refer to It Happened One Night or Palm Beach Story for examples of this formula well used), in the wrong hands it becomes a recipe for nonsense. As stars Jada Pinkett and Tommy Davidson aren’t funny even when thrown into outrageous situations, they must rely on an increasingly shrill escalation of voice level and personal tics to compensate. Unfortunately, volume doesn’t substitute for skillful timing, so as the movie wears on and they start constantly screaming at each other my patience drained out of me. Although they interact with a complex, carefully drawn urban landscape (thanks, no doubt, to director Daisy von Scherler Mayer, previously responsible for Party Girl), these characters are so hollow and ill-conceived that they hardly seem human — more like puppets, really, and as they turn on each other in a rage the real origins of this film become suddenly, astonishingly obvious. Woo is an African-American remake of a Punch and Judy show.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE SPANISH PRISONER (1997)

11:10 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
AN ENGROSSING if somewhat absurd thriller from writer/director David Mamet. While the long con at the center of this story is both elegant and hand-wringing, with each new plot twist revealing a further level of duplicity and betrayal far more involved and surprising than we had thought possible, the film is somewhat hampered by its casting of Campbell Scott as the patsy. He plays the role distantly, awkwardly, never inviting our sympathies and never exhibiting enough self-possession to be the primary actor in his own story. While it’s necessary imbue him with a certain denseness in order for the plot against him to succeed, he didn’t really need to be this dense. For example, the one clue that could clear his name is a torn book bearing his tormentor’s fingerprints (Steve Martin is the heavy, by the way, in a brilliant moment of casting-against-type). It takes Scott so long to remember this detail that eventually Mamet himself starts nudging the character: at an airport, a woman loudly berates her child. “You’ve dropped your book and torn it,” she says, “and now you’ve got your fingerprints all over it. You’ve torn your book and gotten fingerprints on it.” Scott ignores the woman, even though she’s literally pressed against him, so she exhales and repeats again: “You’ve torn your book and it’s got fingerprints on it.” It’s hard to feel for someone this dopey, and we can’t believe he will be able to extricate himself from the web his caught in. He isn’t, and at the end of the film he’s literally relying on the movie’s extras to fix things for him. The film winds down with all the pleasures, but alas also the lack of personality of a game of Mousetrap.

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THE ARCHIVE: LES MISERABLES (1998)

11:03 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
A SOLID ADAPTATION of Victor Hugo’s epic novel, which, in some editions, spans more than a thousand pages. Overtly political, fastidiously self-righteous, both the novel and the movie could have been utterly pedantic — and while I agree with Hugo’s politics, I dislike propaganda and sloganeering. But Les Miserables is saved by Hugo’s extraordinary skills as a storyteller and myth-maker. Every character from this novel has entered mass culture as stock characters, particularly the obsessed police inspector Javert (expertly played here by Geoffrey Rush). Director Bille August fleshes out the story with a controlled, subtle hand and illuminates some of Hugo’s main themes by focusing on details that might otherwise seem slight and unimportant: Jean Valjean (Liam Neeson), for example, expresses his hard-won compassion less through language than touch. His relationship with Cosette’s mother (Uma Thurman) is detailed in a series of tiny motions as he brushes tears off her cheeks or gently carries her from her sickbed to a dinner table. Since Valjean is a giant, in part known for his exceptional strength, it’s the care he takes with this scrap of a woman that truly reveals his noble soul. These moments prove to be more telling than Valjean’s more obvious acts of justice (turning his business over to his workers, serving food to the poor, raising an orphaned child), which are so exaggerated that they might have been absurd. Instead they seem entirely natural, unavoidable really — Valjean’s soul was ransomed by an act of compassion, and because of this he must devote himself to compassion. This proves to be immensely affecting, and is the reason the novel has become a classic rather than a cloying political screed.

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THE ARCHIVE: DEEP IMPACT (1998)

10:54 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THE FIRST of the two big When Worlds Collide movies from the summer of 1998, Deep Impact proposes itself as being the more serious of the two. “We wanted to stress realism,” the producers claimed, which in their universe included Morgan Freeman as a black president and Téa Leone as a crackerjack television news reporter. She breaks the news of the world’s imminent destruction on her station, MSNBC, and the channel’s audience of seven immediately start panicking. The credits list the film as having been written by Michael Tolkin and Bruce Joel Rubin, with the stress on and. You see, if their names were connected with and ampersand (&), this would signify that the two screenwriters had worked together on the project. But when and is spelled out, it means one rewrote the other; by Guild rules, in order to get into the credits, the rewrite guy must completely refashion at least 50 percent of the original script. I don’t know who did what to whom, but somebody clearly fouled up, and I suspect it’s Rubin. This death-obsessed author of Ghost and Jacob’s Ladder has left his sweaty fingerprints all over the movie, from its inept Biblical metaphors to its tear-jerking finale. What a pity since, if left to his own devices, the caustic Michael Tolkin (responsible for The Player, The Rapture and The New Age) could have produced an end-of-the-world picture that would have been really challenging.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE BIG HIT (1998)

10:48 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
LOOK TO THE CREDITS, my friends. Hidden among the “thank you’s” at the end of The Big Hit is a reference to Troma films, the same group responsible for such deliberately awful films as The Toxic Avenger and Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid. Perversely, Troma has found itself quite a market for their videos, I guess among the same sort of underdeveloped film audiences that reads Fangoria and watches the USA network. This taste in tacky humor and schlocky special effects is distinctly déclassé, and aficionados don’t make a very good case for themselves (professing your love for something squalid doesn’t convince me that thing is lovable), but they’ve apparently got money to burn — and it quite literally burns in The Big Hit. Ignoring the spectacular action sequences that bookend the film, the central hour and a half is pure filler of sloppy characterizations, hammy performances, outright antisemitism (thank you Christina Applegate, who may not know any better, and Elliot Gould and Lanie Kazan, who should), and all of it looks expensive. But there’s not a car, nor set, nor pricey suit of clothes in this film that isn’t spectacularly destroyed, making this more of a Potlatch ritual than a movie. I already knew Hollywood likes to waste money, I didn’t need it spelled out for me so graphically, to the point that at the end of the film the filmmakers turn on themselves in a video store and destroy their own product. Perhaps Kropotkin was right and the urge to destroy is also a creative urge — in which case I would argue there’s nothing wrong with this film that a bottle of kerosene and a match couldn’t fix.

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THE ARCHIVE: TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY (1998)

8:01 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
TARZAN only really made sense as a colonial fantasy: French nobleman raised by apes saves white Europeans in the bush from savage Africans and various big game. But in the new global marketplace, our African friends are better understood as cheap labor than menaces, and the big game rapidly dwindles toward extinction. Enter Casper Van Dien, the Tarzan for the millennium. He responds to the terrified cries of animals (“It sounds like an elephant in trouble!”), he frees slaves, he protects ancient ruins from pillaging, and he’s able to construct sentences with pronouns (well, almost — this is Casper Van Dien, after all). As ingenious as it may seem to recast Tarzan as an anticolonialist, there’s still something a little iffy about the entirety of Africa relying on one white guy with a knife and a yodel to save them. The illogic of this story paces and actually sprints ahead of the storyline here, so that the audience is questioning scenes before they even happen, which is never a good sign. Fortunately, the soundtrack is dense with all sorts of Olatungi-style drumming and harmonies, and because this is a film virtually free of dialogue, it’s easy to close your eyes and let the thing slip away into a beautiful, fully-scored dream of Africa.

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THE ARCHIVE: NIAGARA, NIAGARA (1997)

7:54 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
ESSENTIALLY a showcase for actors Henry Thomas and Robin Tunney (who are both really quite good), this directorial debut by Bob Gosse suffers from a meandering storyline and an impossibly grotesque sensibility. Thomas is a shoplifter, Tunney has Tourette’s Syndrome, and the two take off toward Canada on what can only loosely be called a crime spree. Tunney in particular plays her role for far greater depth than the catalog of tics and obsessive behaviors it could be, but alas, her particular form of Tourette’s includes beating up strangers in parking lots and seizing guns out of the hands of police officers. Even the perpetually dense Thomas should be able to tell this could be a problem on a crime spree. Ultimately, this film (as well as virtually every juvenile delinquency road movies, from the pleasant Highway 61 to the wretched Natural Born Killers) owes its narrative to Terence Malick’s gorgeous and understated Badlands, which in turn drew from Nebraska’s own Starkweather/Fugate spree killing. It’s all there: the strangely distant leads, the pointed use of pop music, the barren stretches of backwoods roads, and in Malick’s film these things are strange and terrible reminders that there’s just a meanness in this world (to quote Bruce Springsteen). Gosse’s take on this is less sophisticated, the meanness makes less sense, and so he presents us a world of random motivations and perverse psychologies, where strangers bump up against each other and either (without explanation) screw or kill. It’s not a nice vision, it’s not a nice film, and but for its strong lead performances, Niagara, Niagara has very little to recommend it

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THE ARCHIVE: THE SWEET HEREAFTER (1998)

11:21 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
HOW INTERESTING to compare this film with Titanic. It seems for James Cameron that a subject isn’t notably awful unless 1500 die, and the story isn’t tellable unless set against the backdrop of a hackneyed love story. But the prolonged sinking of the ship that dominates the last half of that movie never compares with the sheer awfulness of the tragedy at the center of The Sweet Hereafter. The image is simple and appears midway through the film: A school bus, shot at an extreme long shot, skidding across a frozen lake and quickly breaking through. Fifteen children die, virtually emptying a small Canadian town of its youth. While in Titanic the villainy that would lead to so much death is obvious — the villains even dress villainously and very deliberately make the decisions that lead to the collision with the iceberg. But search as they might, the characters who survive their children's drowning in The Sweet Hereafter cannot locate a villain who caused the bus accident or even a reason why it would happen. This despite the presence of British character actor Ian Holm as a lawyer who does not believe in accidents, and represents the grieving town in a suit against the bus manufacturer. (“Somewhere,” he explains, “someone made the decision between a five-cent bolt and a child’s life — and I’m going to make them pay for that decision.”) Holm is the closest the film comes to villainy — he clearly makes his living exploiting tragedies like this — but he himself is grieving a different sort of loss of a child (to drug addiction and AIDS), and his fury and helplessness seem less fueled by greed than a desire to somehow shift the world back toward making sense. He’s a good father, but his daughter is a wreck. These townspeople are decent enough (despite the infidelities, jealousy and incest that course just beneath the town’s surface). Certainly they didn’t deserve to have their children stolen from them. The Sweet Hereafter asks in a remarkably measured voice some very difficult questions — then simply refuses to answer them. Instead it leaves its audience with a string of brilliant metaphors (a child stung by a spider, the story of the Pied Piper, a bright red ramp for a wheelchair), and demands the audience wrestle with these questions in their own time, in their own way.

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THE ARCHIVE: WHERE YOUNG GRASS GROWS (1998)

11:15 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Where Young Grass Grows
Huun-Huur-Tu (Schanachie)


STRABE COWBOYS ride the steppes near the exact geographical center of Asia, and the songs they sing would make Gene Autry shake with jealousy. Because even the wildest cowboy of the Wild West never herded reindeer, and even the sweetest-singing panhandle balladeer never opened his mouth and sang three simultaneous notes.

These are Tuvan cowboys, living in a geographic wasteland sharing a southern border with Siberia that was, until recently, only known among philatelists for its oddly shaped stamps depicting men on horseback racing trains. These cowboys live in huts and speak a language descended from Turkish that includes 13 words to describe horses. They squat on the cold Tuvan ground and, through an exacting motion of their throat and jaws called kh ö ömei (or throat singing), sing harmonies with themselves. Their lyrics are those of any cowboy song, telling of the loneliness and hardship of a life of punching cattle. The instruments they play — including a rattle made of a bull testicle — even sound like the the accompanimet to Western cowboy songs. There is that same jangly, come-a-tai-yai-yay rhythm that must be universal to men who ride horses. Coupled with the throat singing, it sounds as though an all-Eastern cast had taken over the set of The Magnificent Seven.

Huun-Huur-Tu are the best-known throat singers from a country whose only real export is music. The band is made up of refugees from state-sponsored popular folk bands that were common during the years Tuva was under Soviet control. The Soviet Ministry of Culture sought to use throat singing, along with other indigenous arts, as a way of forwarding their agenda. Huun-Huur-Tu has, instead, traveled Tuva seeking what they call “old and forgotten songs.” These they rework, as their multiple-singer, multiple-instrumentalist approach to Tuvan folk music is unique. Ironically, the only real venue for the finished product is outside of Tuva, as after the dissolution of the U.S.S.R. in 1991 the country has been “moving backwards from what it was in Soviet times,” according to ethnomusicologist Ted Levin. Music venues are scarce in the distinctly pre-modernized Tuva, but Huun-Huur-Tu has managed to build a sizable audience outside their native country.

Their latest release from Shanachie, titled Where Young Grass Grows, shows the band working with a broad palette of sounds. With titles that translate to “It’s Probably Windy on Sagly Steppe” and “Do You Want Me To Saddle You?” the tradition of the Tuvan cowboy lives on in them — indeed, several songs were recorded on horseback. But other songs are quiet, reigning in the bouncy, driven beat of their usual material. Instead we find the band contemplative, and as their voices rise in multiple, whistling harmonies with each other it is impossible not to pause to listen. These are noises that pierce through the cacophony of our busy lives, climbing between the sounds of traffic and ringing telephones. The band, whose name describes the strange haze of light that settles over the grasslands at dusk and dawn, seem to recreate such moments with their voices. It is not always a song they sing; sometimes it is a place they draw with their voices. As though sound were capable of summoning us to a geographic location, there we stand in Tuva.

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THE ARCHIVE: LOVE AND DEATH ON LONG ISLAND (1997)

11:09 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
CENTERING on a remarkable and poignant performance by John Hurt, Love and Death on Long Island addresses the question of romance — and the resulting possibility of humiliation and heartbreak — with both a sweetly comic sensibility and unnerving forthrightness. Love and Death tells of an English writer (Hurt) whose year of self-imposed isolation suddenly evaporate when one day he wanders into a showing of a juvenile sex romp. Spying a nondescript actor in the cast (Jason Priestley), he develops an all-consuming obsession, eventually stalking him at his home on Long Island. This could all be immensely creepy, except that Hurt plays the character for sympathy — and his behavior differs from anyone pursuing a romance only in intensity. He insinuates himself quickly into his idol’s life, in a manner which would seem entirely casual and natural if we hadn’t witnessed the machinations behind it. But obsession it is, and so it must end badly, and it does. Casting Priestley opposite Hurt was inspired; with his bland handsomeness and vacant eyes, he’s so much less than Hurt imagines him to be. To paraphrase Tom Lehrer, Hurt is blind to Priestley’s obvious faults, but as an audience we aren’t. Much of the film’s comic sequences revolve around Hurt’s careful cataloguing of Priestley, from clipping fan magazine photographs to repeated viewings of a teen romp called Hotpants College II. These scraps of pop culture couldn’t be less deserving of critical examination, but we’re drawn in with Hurt — like him, we desperately want to find beauty in the most surprising places. It is this quality that renders Hurt entirely likable, even as he pursues his own tragic ending.

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THE ARCHIVE: MEMORY IS AN ELEPHANT (1998)

11:02 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Memory is an Elephant
Tin Hat Trio (Angel)


MEMORY IS AN ELEPHANT is the sort of album that causes music reviewers to grope for two of their trustiest war-horses: the words “eclectic” and “avant-garde.” These are handy words — because they mean almost nothing they will do in a pinch when the writer doesn’t know what to say. Ordinarily reviewers prefer to scramble for easy comparisons and claim such-and-such band sounds remarkably like such-and-such earlier band, but once in a while even the hardiest reviewer will be handed a CD that is entirely undefinable. Not that the Tin Hat Trio cannot be pigeonholed, as an enterprising journalist will dig around until they produce an interview with the bands’ three members (Rob Burger on keyboard instruments such as accordion and pump organ, Carla Kihlstedt on violin and viola and Mark Orton on guitar, banjo and mandolin) where they name some of their influences. These included New Tango practitioner Astor Piazzolla, chamber music and modern improvisational jazz. There, the reviewer might say, I’ve done it. Influences duly noted, words “eclectic” and “avant-garde” well used, the reviewer can push his chair away from his desk and breathe a sigh of relief. The wild CD has been tamed.

Unfortunately this sort of journalistic shorthand does very little for the reader, who having read the review knows as little about the music as when they began reading. Music such as this deserves thought and must be written about with care. It’s too strange and slippery for lazy writing, having been fashioned by three musicians with decidedly nonmainstream tastes. Their education couldn’t have been better, including such august conservatories as Juilliard, Oberlin and Peabody. But somewhere on their musical path they strayed into strange territory, as their professional résumés find names like the Knitting Factory, the Oranj Symphonette and Tom Waits sprouting up as crabgrass would in an otherwise well-tended garden. These are the musical venues, bands and performers who have abandoned writing for an specific musical idiom in favor of writing whatever the hell they pleased, idioms-be-damned. The music they produced has done its best to defy music writers, who must keep on hand a steady supply of “eclectics,” avants” and “gardes” on their desks to be ready.

But do not think Memory is an Elephant is hard to listen to. Unlike John Zorn, with whom Kihlstedt has played, the Tin Hat Trio does not go for fussily atonal music — no jagged saxophones or screaming Japanese vocalists here. Instead, they seem in their haunting compositions to be searching for a universal melody. It is as though they had stripped away the formality of everything written in a minor key (let us think of Yiddish folk songs, Weimarr Republic-era cabaret songs and gypsy airs) to find what lurks behind the melodies. In snippets, in the silences that linger between the notes they play, images form. Here we see the long shadows stretching from the door of an Argentinean brothel, there we see a hooded anarchist crouching with a package bomb. We catch them in glances, as though speed-reading a half-dozen disconnected texts — the gothic cartoons of Edward Gorey, the Jazz Age poetry of Joseph Moncure March and assorted Nihilist and Futurist art. It is music that sounds foreign, and would only seem appropriate playing in a Turkish bath or Russian tea house, where men with thick mustaches and brown cigarettes trade secrets and plot revolution. It is as far as music can get from the lightweight romances and heartbreaks of the pop vernacular, speaking wordlessly of a world where romance is to be pitied and heartbreak is as common as dirt. It is music from a harder place than ours, where the beautiful is a sad and puzzling thing that sometimes rises like smoke out of the charred remains of a ruined city. We try and grasp it with our fingers, hoping to press it into our pockets for a later date when it will be needed, but out hands touch only cold air. We are left, instead, with a fading memory to turn to in our despair, and we must hope that memory is enough.

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: GHOSTS

1:55 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
AS IT TURNS OUT, it is pretty fun being dead.

I hadn't expected to be a ghost. I thought that only the unhappy dead became ghosts, consigned to wander the earth until the miserable injustice of their death is corrected. But I died happy. I was 96 -- quite old by any measure -- and had spent fifty of those years a millionaire. Sure, there were a few things I might have done before I died, but very few, and when I lay on my deathbed, I did not look back on my life with regret, but with pride. As my final moments of consciousness ebbed away, I assumed I would simply fade, my consciousness disappearing forever.

I was wrong. I came back as a ghost. And it turns out everyone does. Everyone who ever lived, including cavemen. Everything that ever lived. Flowers. Cows. Dinosaurs. The living would be astounded if they could peer into the spectral world and see just how crowded it is. The earth teems with the spirits of the dead, all wearing, if you can believe it, party hats. Spectral streamers hang from every rafter, and ghostly bands play dance music constantly. Serving trays float through the ether, held by nobody, filled with an unending supply of champagne and finger foods. Gray colored couples dance, and toast each other, and take long dinosaur rides through the park, holding each other and watching as clouds of billions of translucent butterflies arc through the air and then alight on the branches of millions of dead trees. Then "Auld Lang Syne" plays, as it does often. It is always New Year's Eve when you're dead.

I had thought that spirits of the dead haunt the living, flitting around them and peering in on them as they go about their daily lives. But the living are such an oblivious minority on the earth that we scarcely pay them any attention. Oh, certainly, we'll throw candlesticks at one or another who is especially misbehaving, or move letters about on a Ouija board as a prank, but, honestly, such behavior is rare. The living live such miserable and unremarkable lives that it is usually best to ignore them. They will be among the dead soon enough, holding noisemakers and learning the jitterbug, and, in general, being much more fun. You will sometimes find yourself in the park, lying on your back, surrounded by tall, spectral grasses, and somebody will march past you, stomping their feet and muttering, and you will know it is a living person that just went by. They are on their way to some business meeting, or an appointment with their dentist, or a meeting with their ex-wife. You might be tempted to follow. Don't. Most of the time, spending just a few hours trailing a living person will put you in a bad mood, and no amount of incorporeal ale or ghostly refrains of "Louie, Louie" will cheer you up.

This would have surprised me when I was living. I suppose I would have assumed that some particularly wicked spirits might use their insubstantial existence to get into mischief, such as malingering in a girl's locker room, or peering in on an amorous couple. I suppose there is some of that, but not much. After all, there are miles of beaches that ghosts stroll nakedly along, and their are millions of open fields that ghosts can have their own erotic adventures in, surrounded by herds of very surprised looking spectral sheep. I peered in the shower room at a woman's locker once, when I first found myself a ghost, just to see what it was like. There were no others like me there, which made me feel a little guilty. The shower room was filled with the spirits of dead alligators, however. They repeated lunged and snapped at the naked living girls, their tiny brains unable to comprehend their ghostly experience. I sometimes wonder how humans would feel if they knew how frequently a dead carnivore lunges at them every day. There is probably not a human alive who hasn't survived a otherworldly mauling by any numbers of bears, lions, mountain gorillas and T. Rexes. I once saw a group of human swimmers swallowed up in the mighty maw of a deceased giant orthocone, only to pass through its flesh and into safety, unaware of the giant ancient sea monster who attacked them again and again.

For some reason, these ghostly beasts do not attack us, or each other. Instead, they are quite tame around the spirits of the human dead -- it is not unusual to go into a park and see a crowd of dead people dancing in pairs around a skeletal band in an ancient gazebo, and to see among the crowds the transparent forms of black rhinosauruses, or the coils of anacondas, or finned Dimetrodons, all swaying in time to the music and offering their heads for affectionate pats from the assembled human ghosts. Nobody seems to know why they don't see us a prey, but, then, nobody can say precisely why we all have party hats. After a while, you just stop wondering. You can either puzzle about the presence of hundreds of docile Komodo dragons, or you can ride them around from party to party.

Once, at a small gathering in a tea room, I had a talk with a ghost I knew as we snacked on mint cookies. It seemed to me that there was no purpose to life, and I wondered why it happened at all. Wouldn't it be better if we were just born into the astral plane, and didn't bother with the fuss of living. After all, even for someone like me, who had lived a very good life, there were times of great frustration, and moments of terrible sadness and loss. I suppose I was feeeling a bit blue, as I had spotted someone I formerly knew in life, a young woman who had been my personal assistant in the last year I was alive. I had made the mistake of following her for a few hours, curious to know how she was. She spent much of the day with a lawyer, going over the details of her divorce, and I could not watch for very long before I had to leave. She had seemed like such a nice young woman, but this afternoon all I saw from her was a mixture of greed and heartbreak. I knew some day, many years in the future, when both she and her ex-husband died, they would run into each other at some otherworldy soiree, and they would not remember why they were once so angry with each other. They might even share a dance or two. But knowing this did nothing to cheer me up, and it seemed to me that the sooner she was dead, the sooner she would be happy.

This ghost I shared tea with had been a violinist in life, and he still played fiddle at parties when the mood struck him. He knew that I had once been a writer, and he asked me what I had written since I had died.

I had, of course, written nothing. We do not live in a world of haunted pens and paper.

But you still read, he said to me.

It's true. I often spend my nights at libraries, flipping though books when there is nobody alive there to see; they would believe they were seeing pages turn by themselves.

My friend told me he has not written any new music. He began to once, and realized that he was borrowing a melody from Shostakovich. He added some lyrics, but they were merely a discription of a popular dance, and he quickly grew bored and gave up.

A few days later, walking around downtown, he heard a mournful aire played on a violin. It was a song he had never heard before, and he followed it to a tramp sitting in a doorway, a hand-written sign next to a hat on the ground. The sign said "Twenty five cents a song." In fact, the tramp only played that song, over and over again, perhaps because passers-by wouldn't stop to listen, but simply threw money in his hat as they passed. There was no need for another song, as nobody ever heard the beginning or the end. But my friend listened to the melody for several hours, and, later, taught himself the song on his violin. Now, at parties, it is one of the most requested.

"I hope to meet that tramp when he dies," my friend told me. "I would like to know if he wrote that song. If he did, he will be in for a pleasant surprise. It may not have found an audience when he was alive, but it is very much loved by the dead."

My friend poured himself another glass of tea and drank it slowly, thinking. Finally he spoke. "Eternity is a party for us," he said. "It's a party forever."

In the tearoom, a living human passed by. He was a heavyset man in an ill-fitting suit, and he found a table very near us. Ordinarily, I would have ignored him, but my friend gestured to the man.

"Who know who he is," my friend said. "Who knows what he does. Maybe he is a banker, or a stockbroker, and there won't be much for him but work and sleep and fighting with his wife, and one day he will die and discover a party waiting for him.

"But what is he is a songwriter? Yes?" my friend looked at me, eyes raised. "Perhaps tonight he will write the music for our next party, or write a poem that we read, or a painting that we look at, or a play we sneak into and watch?"

I nodded. Of course my friend was right. Life might be hard for the living, but because of the work they do, when they die, they have a hell of a party waiting. Forever.

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THE ARCHIVE: SPECIES II (1998)

9:29 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
ESSENTIALLY a World War II-era instructional film about venereal disease, Species II tells the story of a soldier (or, in this case, an astronaut) who goes to another land (in this case, Mars) and contracts a hideous sexually transmitted virus. He returns home to spread the plague, which instantly kills anyone he beds and produces a throng of congenitally diseased children. Just when the story begins to almost exactly recreate 1942’s Youth in Turmoil (“They didn’t know there were two kinds of love . . . until it was too late!”), Natasha Henstridge shows up and pulls off all her clothes to remind us that this series is really about vagina dentata — and all its attendant fear of women’s genitalia. While in the first film the uterus was actually murderous, here it’s simply a gateway for an alien invasion, but either way the message remains: that the delta of Venus is the Devil’s Triangle, brother, and you’d do well to steer clear of it.

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THE ARCHIVE: SKIN ON SKIN (1998)

9:20 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Skin on Skin: The Mongo Santamaría Anthology
Mongo Santamaría (Rhino)


MONGO SANTAMARIA is wedged forever in musical history, his broad, taped fingers squeezed eternally in the transformative moment when soul music became funk. It was the end of light balladry detailing pained love affairs and novelty dance numbers, and the birth of a music soaked in social consciousness and intimately linked to the politics of outrage that would come to dominate the African-American music. With its sharp horn blasts and fluid, often outright psychedelic wah-wah guitar licks, funk seemed characterized by a boogaloo-dancing revolutionary who sported a Black Power fist hairpick ascending from a mile-high afro. It’s our revolution, the music said, and you can dance to it. This music claimed to speak for urban despair so completely that it’s inclusion in low-budget crime melodramas like Shaft and Superfly left them seeming like documentaries.

How puzzling, then, that this transformation should be ignited by a Cuban-born bandleader whose previous recordings had been exclusively with mambo and Latin Jazz combos, including those of Perez Prado and Cal Tjader, and who to this day plays his Afro-Cuban jazz without apologies for its African rhythms, Cuban structure and jazz embellishments. While African-American music had always borrowed Latin beats for inspiration, it is a stretch to imagine the entire industry tuning, en masse to the composer of the congo and flute-driven “Afro Blue” for their next cue.

But fate has a funny way of stepping in, and did so on a quiet summer night in 1962, when Herbie Hancock briefly sat in with Mongo Santamaría’s band and introduced them to his original composition “Watermelon Man.” Santamaría took Hancock’s relatively straightforward jazz-blues number and turned it into a blistering, danceable workout that burned through top-40s pop charts across the country. Suddenly, Afro-Cuban music, which had always lurked somewhere in the background of the African-American experience, pressed its way to the center of the crowd like a grinning, sharply dressed man at a house party and began to dance.

With its claims that African music was the original music, that all rhythm was African rhythm, Mongo Santamaría’s music fit the growing Afrocentric ideology of a newly politicized Black America. And the music made a strong case for itself — it was a greasy, engrossing sound, funky in the way jazz musicians understood the term, as being a musical style with a stench so powerful it filled your nostrils all the way back into your nose and left you gasping.

While Rhino’s Skin on Skin compilation focuses, as it must, on the artist and his magnificent, diverse catalogue of recordings, particularly in the series of songs from the mid-’60s that close out the first of the collection’s two CDs (including “Watermelon Man,” “Sweet ‘Tater Pie” and “Dirty Willie”) we can really appreciate Santamaria's distinct contribution to American popular music, mixing jazz with rhythms from Africa and Cuba, expertly produced by a man with taped hands beating on a conga drum.

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THE ARCHIVE: CITY OF ANGELS (1998)

9:12 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 2 Responses
AN AMERICA remake of Wim Wenders’ exquisite Wings of Desire, this Meg Ryan vehicle starts out promisingly. Director Brad Silberling (who previously covered similar spiritual ground in . . . um . . . Casper) effectively recreates Wenders’ most important and poetic central image: that the profane world is host to thousands of unseen angels who support the falling with unfelt hands and comfort those in turmoil with unheard words. These angels are men and women in long black trench coats who observe humanity with a combination of curiosity and yearning. They jot down their observations in little black books and meet in out-of-the way locations (rooftops, the beach) to discuss their findings. Wenders used this image as the jumping off point for a dazzling variety of themes: the personality of modern Berlin; the nature of faith; the meaning of history; and the purpose for love. Since this is a Meg Ryan film, all these themes have been tossed out in favor of a rather conventional love film, where angel meets girl, angel and girl fall in love, angel loses girl, angel gets girl back (and as a weird postscript, girl dies in a collision with a semi). I read into this a none-too-subtle dramatization of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, but with heaven and earth replacing the eponymous planets. One of women’s most common recurring complaints about men is that they can’t communicate their feeling, and leave it to a male director to suggest that this masculine failing might actually be divine — our angel-in-case (Nicolas Cage) falls for Ryan’s trademark cute-as-a-button-ness, and immediately begins stalking her. He’s able to make himself visible to her, and engages in behavior any sane woman would find creepy (for example, declaring himself a “messenger from God” in their first meeting.) Instead of running for a restraining order, Ryan finds this rather charming (she doesn’t know he’s sneaking into her room at night and watching her take baths), and soon Cage must make the decision: remain an angel, or fall from grace and find love. It’s no surprise that he chooses mortality, but what is surprising is how quickly this feminizes him. He immediately starts taking long showers, eating fruit salads, lighting candles, and wearing soft denims and cottons. By the end of the film he’s become so adept at expressing his newfound emotions, he’s begun to sound like a romance novel (“I’d rather have one moment of her touch than an eternity without her”), and we all begin to wish he would shut up.

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THE ARCHIVE: EXTREMELY COOL (1998)

9:04 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Extremely Cool
Chuck E. Weiss (Rycodisk)


“DO YOU KNOW what I Idi Amin?” Chuck E. Weiss growls on his sophomore album (accompanied by producer Tom Waits), but we don’t know what he means. This is the language of the hipster he is speaking, borrowing from the long history of American slang and cant. It was always meant as a language of exclusion, and while Weiss can easily move between carny phrases and obscure African-American references, he shows little interest in sharing that language with his listeners. We don’t know what the hell he’s talking about, and he’s probably happier that way.

It has taken 18 years for this odd character to put out a second album, despite having acted as something of a hipster godfather to a music scene he helped to spawn with Waits and Ricky Lee Jones out of Hollywood’s Tropicana hotel in the 1970s. He appears as characters in songs by both Waits and Jones (“I Wish I was in New Orleans” and “Chuck E.’s in Love,” respectively), appeared in an episode of Married With Children, and regularly made the scene at Johnny Depp’s Viper Room, but hasn’t set foot in a recording studio. “I got distracted,” he explained, and it is possible to hear 18 years of distraction in his slurred, gravely voice and his bizarre, incomprehensible collection of molasses-thick American music. Like many hipsters, he seems to have spent a good portion on the edge of despair, having chosen a deliberate and thoroughly marginal life. The resulting album winds up being something of a tour through a secret Los Angeles, consisting of bad debts and cocaine-fueled after-hours parties, with a guide who hasn’t bothered to learn English and is, frankly, surprised you haven’t bothered to learn his language.

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THE ARCHIVE: CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD (1998)

12:15 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THIS IS the sort of film reviewers dread, because it must be awful and then we need to sit through it. Or, worse, what if we like it? Our credibility as reviewers might forever be compromised. Alas, my credibility must go the way of the carrier pigeon, because I found myself laughing out loud during Chairman of the Board . . . frequently. I dislike protagonist Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson, who in the already lowest-common-denominator world of prop comedy must qualify as its most annoying character. I find antagonist Larry Miller overbearing and blustery, and with the exception of his supporting role in Corrina, Corrina he has yet to be anything other than a big ham. I wish we could declare a moratorium on the whole surfer milieu, which isn’t going to get any better than Endless Summer (which was released in 1966). Finally, I think building films around comedians is inherently disastrous, as demonstrated by Pauly Shore’s entire career (and Harland Williams’ wasted lead in Rocketman). With all this working against it, what genius decided to crank up the whole thing with a series of eye-popping tiki-themed set pieces, a cast of journeyman Hollywood professionals (including M. Emmet Walsh, Raquel Welch and Jack Warden), and overload it with so many jokes at such a frantic pace that it simply doesn’t matter that it’s a Carrot Top movie? I’d like to meet that man, shake his hand and congratulate him, but I missed his name during the credits. I was too busy trying to catch my breath and control my furious blushing, as I wilted in my chair and almost died of embarrassment. I liked the Carrot Top movie. Oh, Lord take pity on me — I liked it.

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THE ARCHIVE: LET'S GET WILD (1998)

11:37 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Let’s Get Wild
Rudy “Tutti” Grayzell (Sideburn)


“DON'T MESS with my duck tail,” Rudy Grayzell growled first in 1956. “I’m gonna get so mad at you.” Rockabilly swaggered and threatened from the start, with Elvis Presley singing “I’d rather see you dead, little girl, than to catch you with another man” in his Sun studios recordings, but it is hard to take similar fulminations from Grayzell as seriously. Unlike, say, fellow rockabilly singer Ray Harris — who we can imagine rolling on the ground and frothing at the mouth — Grayzell had a goofy, cherubic personality that rendered him eternally unthreatening. It is perhaps for this reason that his contributions to nascent rock ‘n’ roll have slipped out of public consciousness. If Grayzell is remembered at all, it is only by obsessed Europeans and hard-core American rockabilly fanatics.

This is a shame for two reasons. Firstly, Grayzell’s music is a hoot. Born in Saspamco, Texas, Grayzell’s songs incorporated a Tex-Mex sound that was unique to early rock. Acoustic guitars strummed out Spanish melodies behind his soaring voice, resembling for all the world like Roy Orbison on a three-day drunk in Tijuana. Linked with his upbeat, fun-loving lyrics (including an ode to J. Edgar Hoover called “FBI story”), Grayzell produced songs that sounded like the theme music for what was then becoming a cinematic cliché: His songs seemed written for the juvenile delinquent who read too many comic books and occasionally let off a girlish giggle. Inevitably, this delinquent would be wearing a sideways-turned baseball cap and usually had a name like “Ginchy” or “Nutso.” In the films, after a near-death experience in a hot rod race, this character could be found at the local teen hangout pumping quarters into the jukebox and dragging shrieking high school girls onto the dance floor. It was Grayzell’s “There’s Gonna Be a Ball” that played on the jukebox.

Grayzell’s anonymity is secondly disappointing because he’s still alive. After an extended stint performing in Las Vegas (which also proved to be the death of Elvis, who had given Grayzell his nickname), Grayzell retired to Washington state, limiting his performances to occasional gigs in a local bar. While there have been a few reissues of his early recordings, only Sideburn records has taken an interest in the living man.

Let’s Get Wild is a collection of new recordings — some of hoary old Grayzell classics, some new songs. The result is the most infectiously danceable party music since Joe “King” Carrasco’s new wave experiments in Tex-Mex. Rudy “Tutti” Grayzell remains, as ever, a goofy and cherubic delight.

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THE ARCHIVE: LOST IN SPACE (1998)

11:30 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
“EVIL KNOWS EVIL,” says Gary Oldman’s surprisingly restrained Dr. Zachary Smith midway through this film. And how nice of screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (also responsible for Batman and Robin) to let us in on a trick of the screenwriting trade: Bad guys must know they’re bad guys and admit it, so that the bad stuff they do makes sense. Of course, Jonathan Harris (television’s Dr. Smith) read the character less as a force of evil than as a jittery, nelly egomaniac. Then, it’s likely that Harris actually was a jittery, nelly egomaniac and Gary Oldman actually is evil. Whatever the case, the small pleasures brought to the show by engaging character work have been completely edited out of this big-screen monstrosity by Akiva Goldsman’s jackhammer-obvious scripting. Our Space Family Robinson here is dysfunctional, bickering, and frequently downright annoying, and the script takes its own damn time getting them into anything interesting. The setup alone (Robinsons go into space, Smith sabotages voyage, they get lost) takes half the film, and what are they doing this entire time? Bickering with each other and engaging in needless, drawn-out exposition. Fortunately, they do eventually get into space and get lost, and from there the special effects take over. They’re stunning, by the way — stuff blows up, insects crawl out of the woodwork, and time itself becomes unraveled. A wise editor would simply have edited out the humans and glued the computer-generated FX together with pounding techno-pop in the background — it would be a raver’s dream.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE BEST OF MARTA SEBESTYEN (1998)

11:23 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
The Best of Márta Sebestyén
Márta Sebestyén (Hannibal/Rycodisc)


IT IS Márta Sebestyén the audience hears at the start of The English Patient. Her flexible soprano voice, both ghostly and powerful, fracturing the melody of Hungarian folk song “Szerelem, szerelem” into a cubist representation of itself. Sebestyén does not simply sing a song — she layers it until it seems to stretch into a tangible form, like those spectral apparitions that emanate from mediums’ eyes and fingertips in old photographs. The English Patient has done for Sebestyén what The Last Temptation of Christ did for singer Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, exposing her work beyond her limited but rabid fan base (built over the years from her work with Hungarian folk band Muzsikas) and transforming her into an international superstar.

The Best of Márta Sebestyén is a chilling, extraordinarily beautiful introduction to her work. She possesses a catholic repertoire, spreading far beyond her roots in the tanchaz movement, which sought to protest Hungary’s oppressive Communist government through the reclamation of the country’s musical heritage. In the interceding two decades, she has vocally laid claim to everything from Hindu melodies to the lost music of Transylvanian Jewry (in an exceptional collection called Maramaros). “The Shores of Loch Brann/Hazafelé,” on this collection, makes a medley of Irish and Eastern European songs. The result feels like something strange and gorgeous washed ashore the beach at Lough Derg and has taken to wandering the burial grounds, singing an incomprehensible and unearthly dirge. Other songs on this collection sound like they were produced in a fit of religious ecstasy or like ancient cradle songs. It is music that invites the listener to dwell on it. It dredges up a range of unfamiliar sounds and images, its melody sometimes dancing around our ears, sometimes whispering into them.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE NEWTON BOYS (1998)

11:15 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THE NEWTON BOYS is a film firmly entrenched in radical fimmaking’s tradition of glamorizing American bandits as beautiful rebels (a cycle that began with Dillinger and found its fullest expression in the ‘60s in films like Bonnie and Clyde and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid). Despite the aw-shucks and gee-whiz-mister mannerisms of the characters at the center of The Newton Boys, these ain’t no mama’s boy, church-goin’ yahoos. No sir, they’re countercultural archetypes, but because they predate communes and free-stores, their countercultural activities are limited to blowing safes in banks. Hey, they’re just lashing out against the man, and the man’s done them wrong: falsely imprisoned Matthew McConaughey (we’re not told why, but with his addled, dope-fiend mannerisms I’m guessing it was a narcotics charge), and relegated all his kin to hard, wasted lives breaking horses. They know something stinks, they know they’re getting the short end of the stick, and despite some ethical objections (mostly from Skeet Ulrich) they’re not going to take it. This sort of storytelling had deteriorated into The Dukes of Hazard by the ’80s, and diretor Richard Linklater restores it to grace with elegant, compassionate directing.

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THE ARCHIVE: PINARENO (1998)

11:09 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
¡Pinareño!
Various Artists (Alula)


WITH THE sudden re-emergence of interest in Cuban music, Alula music has wisely strayed far off the beaten path with this collection. With every world music producer flooding Havana, searching for the next Bene Moré (who, ironically, lived in Mexico City for much of his life) ¡Pinareño! looks instead to the Pinar del Rio, an area of Cuba less known for its musical prodigies than its cigars and baseball players. But because we’re dealing with a country so thick with music it is impossible to throw a fast ball in Cuba without beaning an uptempo dance band, all of who seem to be in the midst of singing about the pleasures of the mambo. There is always something hidden in Cuban music; always something hinted at that is never made explicit. “The food, the coffee,” sings Grupo Organo Pinareño, “everything makes me go wild for her!” It’s a simple sentiment, yes, but buried in a dizzying rhythmic structure and rollicking melody that reaches further into the past than its peasant love poetry reveals. The musicians on this CD might not have the polish of their more famous brethren, but in their roughness they reveal something profound: It is possible, in a drumbeat here or a melodic turn there, to hear the sounds of Africa. Cigars and baseball be damned; Cuba’s grandest and longest-lived heritage is music.

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THE ARCHIVE: MR. NICE GUY (1997)

12:13 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

A SLIGHT but entertaining effort from Jackie Chan, here partnered with Samo Hung as director. While obscure in the U.S., Hung is a superstar in his native Hong Kong as both a performer and a director. As a child, he and Chan were two of the Peking Opera’s Seven Little Fortunes troupe and Hung co-starred with Chan in the superb Project A. As promising as that sounds, despite some outstanding extended stunt sequences, Mr. Nice Guy suffers from a weak script and uneven directing. While Chan’s films have never been strong on secondary characters, here they could easily have been replaced by dominoes — their only purpose is to fall over entertainingly when Chan hits them. Chan has a taste for epic destruction, and when handled well (such as the justifiably legendary car chase though a Hong Kong shanty town in Police Force) these sequences defy description. Here, however, the best Chan and Hung can conceive is the destruction of a chunk of postmodern architecture with a giant dump truck. I dislike postmodernist house design as much as the next man, but in a year where virtually every film offered a plane crash, a volcano, or some other overwhelming catastrophe — well, this seemed about as interesting as watching a petulant child kick over a sand castle.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE LOOK OF LOVE (1998)

12:08 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
The Look of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection
Burt Bacharach and Various Artists (Rhino)


IN THIS three-CD collection (and voluminous accompanying book), Rhino completes the cycle that has transformed Burt Bacharach from a ’60s-era kitchy composer of white-guy make-out music into pop music’s most original voice. Ranging across four decades and 37 artists, Rhino’s fanatic completeness proves Bacharach as — more than anything — America’s supreme collaborator. Aside from his most famous co-creators, lyricist Hal David and vocalist Dionne Warwick, The Look of Love pairs Bacharach’s songwriting talents with everyone from The Five Blobs (with their bossa nova-styled novelty hit, “The Blob,” from the movie of the same title) to Elvis Costello. In fact, it was with his co-writing with Costello for the Painted from Memory CD that Bacharach’s star truly began to ascend again. He brought to Costello’s nervy, newly sophisticated lyricism a depth of melody and a genuine sense of drama. Suddenly those elements of Bacharach’s that had come to seem clichéd or shopworn (odd time shifts and signatures, brief burst of fluegelhorn melodies, soaring violins) became fresh and contemporary again.

Bacharach has always succeeded in making the most of collaborations. Certainly each performer who worked with him sounded the better for it, even when they struggled (and sometimes failed) at vocalizing his complex, winding melodies. Never was there a better example of this than The Carpenters’ rendition of “[They Long to Be] Close to You.” With lyrics that seemed to fit perfectly into The Carpenter’s trite worldview (“Why do birds suddenly appear every time you draw near?”) and a sickly sweet melody, it should be unlistenable. Instead, by some miracle, it is saturated with an adult longing. Bacharach’s unusual conceptualization of songs (he writes them like they are short movies, complete with swelling tension and thundering climax) virtually handed Karen Carpenter the text she needed to make full use of her voice. In this context, stripped of the television-jingle melodicism that usually defined The Carpenters, Karen’s voice proved itself to be remarkable.

It no doubt was the stirring, cinematic quality of Bacharach’s composition that attracted soul singer Isaac Hayes to his material. While popularly remembered as “The Black Moses of Soul” for his ’70s-era work, Hayes was often referred to as “Blackarach” by the music press for his reliance on songs that had previously been recorded by Dionne Warwick. It was this same moaning, thundering melodrama that Hayes brought to his own compositions, most notably the Academy Award-winning soundtrack to Shaft, which, if anything, sounds like Bacharach had taken a few bennies, bought a wah-wah guitar and lost his mind. It is perhaps the only failing of the Rhino boxed set that it does not include any Isaac Hayes.

As much as performers and lyricists gained from Bacharach, he seemed (and still seems) to draw from them, as though he were a thirsty man and a good collaboration was a deep well. From his early years of obsessing over bebop and conducting for Marlene Dietrich to his deliberate use of odd musical themes in his film work (check out the buoyant Country/Western twang of “[The Man Who Shot] Liberty Valance”), Bacharach has relentlessly looked to flesh out and expand his writing. Could every pop composer display the same restless, jumpy intellect of Burt Bacharach, American pop music would now be viewed with the same fascination and respect as American jazz.

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THE ARCHIVE: U.S. MARSHALS (1998)

12:00 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

WITHOUT HARRISON FORD, the thinking man’s action star, the franchise that began with The Fugitive sinks quickly in its sophomore effort. While a high point of The Fugitive was watching Federal Marshal Sam Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones, looking recently embalmed) and his crack team of manhunters engage their target in a cat and mouse game, this time the process draws little interest. Perhaps this script seemed the next logical film, as now they’re hunting a government spook (Wesley Snipes), and with his government training he should be a pretty hard target. But soon even the basic credibility of the story collapses as Snipes engages in a singleminded (and dunderheaded) quest to “clear his name.” He does so by violating a vast assortment of federal laws, the least of which included kidnapping and felony theft. Of course, he’s actually innocent of the original charge, so by the end of the film these little improprieties are forgotten and he’s set free. I’m not sure what sort of legal precedent this sets, but in the ever-escalating world of film sequels we can certainly expect the next film in this series to grow even more absurd — perhaps the falsely accused, to clear his name, will burn down an airport and shoot the president. Won’t that be exciting?

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THE ARCHIVE: PERENNIAL FAVORITES (1998)

11:56 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Perennial Favorites
Squirrel Nut Zippers (Mammoth)


THE SQUIRREL NUT ZIPPERS began recording this before “Hell” from Hot really hit, and thank goodness. Had they started any later, they might have felt obligated to become what the media is desperate to pigeonhole them as: a swing revival band turning out a steady stream of up-tempo hits. They never claimed to be a swing band, always identifying themselves as playing pop — albeit an older sort of pop, stretching into the past to encompass tin pan alley, calypso, delta blues, rural string bands, and any other American musical idiom that catches their fancy.

With songwriting chores divided between guitarist Jim Malthus and saxophonist Tom Maxwell, Perennial Favorites finds the Zippers in peak form. They’ve become the American equivalent to The Pogues, playing traditional musical forms with a distinctly modern approach. Malthus in particular is rapidly becoming a songwriter on par with ex-Pogues frontman Shane McGowen. He has an elegant, minimal approach to constructing lyrics, giving the arrangements plenty of time to breath musically.

For example, here is the entire set of lyrics to “It’s Over”: “It’s all over. There isn’t anymore. It’s all over. But what’s it over for? Just when you think the party’s starting . . . It’s over.” Contained within a lush, Vegas-lounge arrangement and voiced by Malthus, the song becomes anthemic. It’s the theme song to every party that ever ended; it might be more than that. Perhaps in the near future we’ll stand around in huddled masses, party hats on our heads and confetti draped over our shoulders, sipping champagne from plastic cups as we watch the missiles fly. We’ll clasp hands as a massive fireball approaches from the horizon, and we’ll sing the mournful refrain to “It’s Over.”

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THE ARCHIVE: FOUND AND INVENTED INSTRUMENTS (1998)

11:40 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
BART HOPKIN is mad, but his is an elegant madness. Some people collect sounds — it is a mania common to musicians, for whom sometimes the whole clattering world seems to be made of potential instruments. They bend saws and take cello bows to them, creating near-human moans. They string and amplify tennis rackets like guitars. They record industrial saws and drill presses and arrange the recordings into a symphony of mechanical voices. They build libraries of sounds and hear each as voices, singing in their own peculiar way. And Bart Hopkin, in his own madness, collects the collectors.

Hopkin has compiled and released, through Ellipses Arts, a two-CD collection of music by found and invented instruments. Titled after the idiosyncratic names applied to these instruments (Gravikords, Whirlies & Pyrophones and Orbitones, Spoon Harps & Bellowphones), the CDs contain 35 tracks as peculiar as the instruments that created them. The sound is sometimes, as Tom Waits says in his introduction, “more insect ritual than human.” It is also sometimes starkly beautiful, as is the case of Jaques Dudon’s aquavina. Dudon has an obsession with creating music using water, and this invention is essentially a lute with a water bowl for a body. As Dudon plays, running a bow across the instrument’s strings, the motion of the water in the bowl causes the notes of the song to curve and glide. Dudon’s composition “Naïades,” included in the Gravicords CD, has a shimmering, ethereal quality as a result. It sounds as though a hole has been punched in time and a glorious Persian prayer from the time of The Arabian Nights had struggled through, twisting itself in the process until it was unrecognizable.

Elsewhere, Sharon Rawcliffe’s clay flutes produce sounds that hardly resemble music. Her heavy, sweet potato-shaped noisemakers thunder and cry like a soundtrack to a prehistoric rainforest. “They are only for the stronghearted,” she admits in the voluminous liner notes that accompany the two CDs. This time it is we, the listeners, who have been thrust through time, into the past. As Rawcliffe’s flutes roar and whistle, it is as though we were witnessing the dawn of music itself. In fact, many of the recordings Hopkin has compiled seem to be a document of the evolution of musical instruments, including cavemen thumping on rocks.

“People are tinkerers,” Hopkin explained from his office in Nicasio, Cal. Hopkin began and has been the sole driving force behind Experimental Musical Instruments, an organization and semi-regular publication exploring the fringes of melodymaking. While the magazine will cease printing with its next issue, Hopkin stressed that the organization will continue as a “general resource center for instrument making.” Among these resources will be self-published books on instrument making, a few authored by Hopkin.

Self-made and experimental instruments are not an easy passion. Even those made of ordinary household objects, such as Barry Hall’s flowerpotophone, require considerable thought. There is the construction, which required (in Halls’ words) “lurking in the flowerpot section with a rubber mallet and a pitch pipe.” Then there is the mastery of an instrument that, as Hopkin relates in his intro to the CD collection, “no one has developed the skill to play,” neither has it “a familiar repertoire to give it a popular identity. It will not be imbued with the cultural richness of older instruments, and no one will know what its expressive capabilities are.”

But this is the challenge for the musical adventurer. If no one has ever played a stiltophone (a bellows-like instrument built out of stilts), then the inventor-musician-composer will be the first to discover the sounds that it makes. In the words of Hopkin, a new instrument “will take you musical places that you would never have thought of sitting at a piano.”

With many of the instruments in Hopkin’s compilation, the results sound like folk melodies — perhaps African, perhaps Asian, perhaps Middle-Eastern. But with tracks like those produced by Qubais Reed Ghazala’s “circuit-bent” instruments, they sound like no noises on earth. Ghazala tinkers with existing electronic devices, such as the Speak and Spell child’s toy, but modifies them so that they produce new noises — often on their own. His Video Octavox, for example, drapes over a television set like an exhausted squid and uses light sensors on its many tentacles to read the images on the TV screen and convert them into sound. The resulting squeaks and chirps bear no relation to the tones, scales and rhythm of any human music. They chatter their own incomprehensible tunes, oblivious to us, singing without knowing that they do so.

Hopkin has pursued and captured this astonishing variety of instruments and instrument makers for so long that, like a butterfly enthusiast with a net and a pinboard, he has virtually broken them down into genus and given them Latin names. He discusses with enthusiasm the way new instruments forge new physical relationships with their makers. While a guitar-shaped instrument will always retain a guitar-like quality as its player strums and plucks it, there has never been an instrument that could be played like the theremin.

Named after its inventor, Leon Theremin, it was the first truly electrical music maker. The instrument consists of a box with two antennas, and the musician plays by waving his or her hands in the air near the antennas. The hands interrupt electrical signals from the machine’s two high-frequency oscillators. The science is tricky (Theremin would eventually be kidnapped from the United States back to his native Russia, where he was put to work building eavesdropping bugs), but the music is not. The theremin produces an exquisite high tone, today mostly associated with the soundtracks to science fiction movies, but when played by a virtuoso such as Clara Rockmore (such as her performance of “The Swan” in this collection) the sound is chilling. It is a measured, shifting wail, as though a cry of despair had been converted into melody.

The early theremins were beautifully handcrafted, looking like a mix between an art deco wooden cabinet and an antique radio set. Indeed, many of the instruments in Hopkin’s collection are physically beautiful — without knowing their function they might be mistaken for sculptures or objets d’art. In part, this is of necessity, as Hopkin pointed out that “the demands of making something that works acoustically often leads to interesting visual forms,” but in part it is also because many of the instrument-makers Hopkin profiles are as engrossed by the process of making the instruments as they are by the eventual sounds they produce. They use a dazzling range of materials, from sheets of metal to eagle feathers, and do not seem to mind if the thing they create can never be recreated. Hopkin calls these “one-of-a-kinds,” and it is startling to look as some of these vast loom shapes (such as the simply named long string instrument) or hanging globes of glass (such as the cloud chamber bowls of experimental musical instrument pioneer Harry Parch) and realize that they produce sounds.

It defies our understanding of music that something like Ela Lamblin’s stamephone — a great, gorgeous stringed metal globe — exists only for the sake of one player. In fact, it defies the essentially democratic nature of music. Any one can purchase a harmonica for a few dollars and, blowing for long enough, will produce some kind of noise. But the stamephone can have only one owner and one master.

But if it runs contrary to musical democracy in this way, it supports it in another. Because Hopkin’s mad mission with his Experimental Musical Instrument organization is not to expose us to other artists’ assemblages of noise, it is to encourage us to make our own noises. “We’re really there for people who are into making instruments more than, say, making instruments that other people would want to buy -- or making music with instruments that people would want to buy the CD,” he explained.

His CDs, therefore, exist as less a report of new lands than as a road map to them. We are not expected to remain at home, thrilling to the sounds of the zgamoniums and pencilinas as Europeans must have at one time thrilled to the exploits of Marco Polo. Instead, we are expected to pack our bags and head East, forging our own adventure. Hopkin’s madness is there for us to take as our own, if we want it.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

11:24 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

IN WHAT could well have been an unsatisfying example of art school precociousness, filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen have stripped the detective out of the crime melodrama genre and replaced him with a triad of bumbling ’70s-era dropouts. Fortunately, the Coen brothers milk this premise for maximum ironic value, further cementing their reputations as America’s premiere humorists.

The Big Lebowski is a riot, and much of its best gags come from watching perennial proto-slacker Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) interact with the Chandleresqe crime film that surrounds him. The P.I. in classic crime fiction is a knight-errant, a lonesome figure fighting to impose his will on the endless night through a combination of rugged individualism and sheer brutality. With “The Dude,” the Coens have created a character who exists as the photo negative of the P.I. — a pacifist with a flexible system of morals who seeks only to avoid the endless night, not engage it.

Unfortunately for Bridges’ character, the night seeks him out, at first through an accident of mistaken identities and later through the greed of those around him (particularly as personified by John Goodman in the film’s standout performance, as a slightly unhinged Vietnam veteran with a passion for both bowling and Judaism). The Coen brothers have a talent for sketching in offbeat characters, and The Big Lebowski overflows with hilarious cameos (standouts include Coen regulars John Turturro and Steve Buscemi), and they peek in from just outside the frame, adding a sense of overarching oddness to the whole proceedings. It’s as though Sam Spade’s L.A. had collapsed in on itself from a combination of pretentiousness and flakiness, leaving the residue to bump into each other. Cowboys chat with ’60s-era radicals in bowling alleys, pornographers mix with beach bums and redneck sheriffs, and the whole of it all conspires against The Dude’s few meager possessions. By the end of the film, it’s all been comically trashed — his body, his car, his life. It’s a fiercely comic ride, and the first great comedy of 1998.

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THE ARCHIVE: THRILLS (1998)

11:19 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Thrills
Andrew Bird’s Bowl of Fire (Rykodisk)


ANDREW BIRD appeared as guest violinist on the Squirrel Nut Zippers’ breakthrough album, Hot, as well as providing fiddle for Zippers’ guitarist James Malthus’ independently produced Jas. Malthus and His Knock-Down Society Play Songs for Rosetta. Malthus, as well as vocalist Katherine Whalen from the Zippers and trumpeter Jack Fine from the Knock-Down Society, have returned the favor on Bird’s Thrills.

Bird has composed a series of dust-bowl era and old-timey sounding, small-combo swing songs. But Bird distinguishes himself from previous projects with a unique songwriting sensibility. Broad-ranging and grotesque, as a lyricist he seems to draw equally from Tennessee Williams and Bertold Brecht. On “Eugene,” for example, he sings “Studies have shown that we, like sheep, are prone to short fatal doses of malcontent through osmosis/But don’t be sympathetic, just pass the anesthetic/Because sheep are benign, and upon their young we will dine.” Weird, angular stuff, sounding culled from a quack medicinal pamphlet from the late nineteenth century.

Musically, Bird’s sensibilities move easily between genres. With his exquisite fiddling at the forefront, he can switch from waltz to paso doble in a few phrases and brings even his purest musical Americana (such as the stark and beautiful “Some of These Days”) a European quality. This is an area of swing seldom explored, but it’s a worthy subject; American popular music has long roots stretching back to Europe, as befits a country of immigrants. America’s melodies came as often from grizzled Swedish hands or tinny German-made instruments as from field hollers and boogie-woogie piano, and it was this blending of cultural influences that made our contribution to the music of the twentieth century so unique. Bird provides an elegant panorama of this music, the melodic equivalent to those sepia-tinted photo-albums we find in our grandparents’ basements after they die. At once beautiful and bittersweet, we peer through these pages looking at scenic views and sweet-faced children. We know them to be our own towns and our own kin, but we do not recognize them. We spend hours pouring over these books, lost in their mysteries, lost in their forgotten memories.

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THE ARCHIVE: DEKE DICKERSON (1998)

11:07 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
“THERE ARE about 10,000 bad rockabilly bands,” according to Deke Dickerson, “and they are all playing the same 20 songs.”

Rockabilly, that wild American musical gumbo of country swing, hillbilly and rhythm and blues, seemed to fade away like some old soldier in the early ’60s. It had spawned a new style of popular music — soon dubbed rock and roll, according to legend, by deejay Allan Freed — and the music had been handed over to children. The animal passions and self-destructive lyrics of Sun Studios artists were replaced by nonsense lyrics and teenage soap operas of stolen kisses and shared sundaes.

But rockabilly never died. Instead it slipped into an underground of hard-core revivalists, and mutated into a caricature of itself. A vast demimonde of duck-tailed scenesters with flaming tattoos and standup basses developed, connected by a common fantasy: every one of them wanted to be the sneering juvenile delinquent of films like Wild Youth and Hot Rod Fever that played on late-night television. They didn’t so much play the music, they abstracted and atrophied it until it fit their collective fantasy.

But look back at the tinted photographs that adorn the original rockabilly CDs. There’s hardly a strutting, greasy-haired youth brandishing a switchblade to be found. Instead, we discover snapshot after snapshot of middle-aged men with long, weather-beaten faces and sting bow ties. They pose in cowboy boots, balancing their pedal-steel guitars on their laps, looking for all the world like they should be playing in a Texas two-step swing band. And just a few years earlier, without a doubt, they had.

Fortunately, in Los Angeles a decade ago a small circle of dedicated purists grew bored of playing out a three-chord cartoon of rockabilly. They turned to their extensive record collections, mastered their respective instruments, and reclaimed those old rockabilly passions and influences. This was the exact cultural stew that produced Hightone Records stable of roots musicians, including Kim Lenz, Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys, and now Deke Dickerson and the Ecco-Fonics.

Dickerson, who started playing rockabilly in his hometown of Columbia, Missouri, described his move to Los Angeles in the early ’90s. “It was amazing to me. I had quit playing rockabilly because I didn’t think anybody could do it right.

“When I moved to Los Angeles, Big Sandy and his band was playing, and those guys completely kicked my ass and made me want to play that type of music again. All the bands out there just had a really high level of musicianship, which I liked.”

With his clean-cut good looks and his unique, double-necked guitar, Dickerson cuts a unique look among rockabilly revivalists. “I started playing a double-neck back in my old band about five years ago,” Dickerson explained, “and couldn’t leave the damn thing at home. I’d get to a gig and people would be asking ‘where’s the double-neck? I want to see the double-neck!’"

His music is equally distinctive. According to Dickerson, “Rockabilly is the best blanket term to use to connect with people, but we do hillbilly, we do jump blues, we do stuff that could be considered swing, we do some stuff that borders on surf and all points in-between.”

His first CD with Hightone, Number One Hit Record, is a giddy anthem to the lost roots of Rockabilly. With bizarre covers like “Poon-Tang” and instrumental novelties like “Jumpin’ Bean,” it would be easy to shrug Dickerson off. The worst trend in contemporary music (evidenced all-too-smugly by the lounge revival scene) is its sneering, cynical appropriation of lost fads. Their delight in irony translates into a misplaced love of the detritus of America’s past. But there is only so long you can scrounge through a Dumpster before you realize that you’re burying yourself in garbage.

Dickerson might have a love for lowbrow, but it is balanced out by an equal desire for quality. The songs might be silly, but their arrangement and performance never are. In his liner credits Dickerson writes “. . . with apologies to Slim Gaillard,” and his reference to jazz’s frenetic, babbling High Priest of Good Times is not misplaced. Dickerson’s claims the same humor and energy, as though battling the pomp and snarl of 10,000 bad rockabilly bands with one vast, beatific grin.

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THE ARCHIVE: KISSING A FOOL (1998)

10:56 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
AN OLD Hollywood adage is that it costs as much to do a film well as to do it badly, and at a reported budget of under $5 million, Kissing a Fool seems determined to make said adage a lie. It cost a fraction of what, say L.A. Confidential cost — but it’s so much worse.

Kissing a Fool’s cast of television actors and former professional skateboarders (David Schwimmer and Jason Lee, respectively) make humorous noises on a series of sets obviously pieced together from a half-dozen rental catalogs, creating a film which looks disturbingly like a J. Crew photo spread come to life. Looking at those photographs of freshly scrubbed models lounging in linens and pastels, I always suspected they might be a little flaky. Now I can lay my suspicions to rest — they surpass flaky, they’re cardboard. Take Jason Lee, for example. Throughout the performance I kept looking for the prop guy standing behind him, manipulating his arms with wooden rods like a marionette. I was that convinced Mr. Lee wasn’t even in this move, but simply had sent in an articulated theater standee in his stead.

Schwimmer, on the other hand, actually is in the film, but he carries a portable phone with him constantly to subtly clue us to the fact that he’s telephoning in all his dialogue. And why not? It’s a bland script (by James Frey, incidentally, who would later embarrass himself with the fictionalized memoir A Million Little Pieces), blandly directed. Anything resembling effort on the part of the cast would have been a sad waste of their energy, and there are few things more tragic than a wonderful performance buried in a dreadful film.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE SOUND OF POWER (1998)

10:52 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 1 Response
The Sound of Power
The Delstars (Revco/Swizzle Records)


EQUAL PARKS Link Wray and The Pyramids, The Delstars provide the soundtrack to every Ed “Big Daddy” Roth cartoon ever drawn. It’s easy to imagine one of Roth’s oversized, gorilla-like monsters clambering aboard his vastly undersized ’56 Olds Super “88,” turning its bulging eyes to the 8-track machine and switching on The Sound of Power.

The Delstars evoke an earlier period of rock and roll, one both wild and strange. This is not the music Allan Freed would have been spinning on his show, no sir — this would have been the soundtrack to the emerging juvenile tribes of surf, hotrods and street fights. A song like “Ho Dads Rule” would only have played on some obscure AM station at three in the morning, pouring forth from a battered Chevy as just outside the car three teenagers threw their empty beer bottles at a passing train. “Volatile Shake” would have poured out from some basement club in the industrial section of town, indistinguishable from the surrounding manufacturing plant only by its bright green door and the presence of stringy preteens in blue jeans kneeling on the ground, ears pressed to the wall, listening to the deep bass thump emerging from the building.

This is stripped-down, guitar and drum-kit driven stuff, augmented occasionally by frontman Lonnie Urich’s snarl of a voice. “I’ve got to have that car,” he sings, and the swirl of amplified Stratocasters and Les Pauls rise up behind him like a flaming skull death’s head. Keep this music away from the impressionable and young children, strip it off the stereo when “Uncle” Joe brings out his own special moonshine, and burn the CD when underage girls show up at your apartment past midnight — otherwise, we cannot take responsibility for the events to follow.

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THE ARCHIVE: SEMISONIC (1998)

10:45 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
SEMISONIC'S hook-laden hit “Closing Time” has one of those rare surprises of pop songwriting. Top-40s stations spit out music like white noise, like so much pleasant static to fill the empty sonic spaces of our lives. Most of the songs function best as ambient music — pressed too closely for meaning, they collapse into a mix of sugar and tinker toys, the very items used to create them.

But a single line of “Closing Time” seems to rise above the white noise, catching the ear for a moment.

“Every new beginning,” Dan Wilson sings, “comes from some other beginning’s end.”

It’s a lean line, as songwriting goes. Nine words long, with only three of those consisting of more than one syllable. But those nine words carry a tough sort of regret not normally associated with pop’s world of teenage melodrama and bad-boy posturing.

Set in a bar and populated with bouncer slogans (“You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”), the song offers a chorus that is deceptively sweet. “I know who I want to take me home,” Wilson sings. There’s a tawdry desperation hiding behind this line, an abandonment of romance in favor of convenience.

The remainder of the CD, Feeling Strangely Fine, presents an embarrassment of finely detailed lyrics like these. “I’m still mad,” Wilson insists in “Never You Mind”, “but I can’t remember why.” These words arc over a chugging, infectious melody and instrumentation stripped out of a half-dozen forgotten ‘70s recordings.

“I wanted to write songs,” Wilson said in an interview, “but I couldn’t make things up that well, and I couldn’t get into characters like a novelist would.”

Wilson previously played in the 1980’s cult-fave band Trip Shakespeare, which also featured John Munson (also now in Semisonic) and Dan’s brother Matt. Trip Shakespeare’s songs were distinguished by a stoney, groovy sort of inventiveness, “whimsical, fantastical,” in Dan Wilson’s words. The songs were primarily written by Matt, and Dan Wilson confessed that their fantastical quality eluded him when he began writing songs. “I was stuck with having to talk about whatever was in my life at that moment. And that was in keeping with what I wanted to do any way. Make music that was earthy and real and pop at the same time.

“Sometime in 1993 I figured out to write songs.” Wilson recalled. “In early 1993 [myself and the other members of Semisonic] learned a bunch of covers — obscure ‘70s and early ‘80s stuff that we figured no one would know, so no one could correct us if we played it. No one would say ‘No, that chord was wrong,’ because no one would really know the songs. But we tried to choose stuff that we thought was either great recordings or great songs. I didn’t expect this to happen, but one of the upshots was that I figured out how to write songs from that. It was this six-month indoctrination period. Coming out of it, I really knew how to do it. I knew how to keep things simple. I had the guts to say what I felt. It was an interesting awakening.”

Added to the influence of these ‘70s songs was a happy studio accident: “There was a mini-moog in the studio, and another kind of moog synthesizer,” Wilson said. “Every time we did a finished track, John would start noodling around on one of those two synthesizers. It almost became his project: on every single song see if you can figure out a way to use that thing. We threw it away on a bunch of the songs, we kept it on a bunch of the songs, and that led us down that weird path where eventually it seemed right to include some big orchestral sounding themes and Rhodes piano, because that door was open by John using that synthesizer.”

Wilson’s tight, personal lyrics and the bands eclectic, hook-heavy new sound constituted a sharp break from the easygoing esoterica of Trip Shakespeare, and Wilson confessed not all of Shakespeare’s fans followed. Making such a stylistic shift, he explained, is “a very difficult thing to do, because you’re doing it to your audiences as well as your music.”

Because of the cult popularity of Trip Shakespeare, Semisonic “had a free opportunity to have a full house in a bunch of different venues, but we actually had to shed our skins in front of those people and survive their sense of disappointment that we weren’t Trip Shakespeare.

“A lot of people just wrote us off right away. If you were into some of the stuff that’s melodic guitar rock, then the transition to Semisonic was pretty easy. But if it was a world-unto-itself quality. . . then maybe Semisonic was a weird left turn. We lost those people.”

Interestingly, Matt Wilson has followed a similar arc, turning sharply away from the storytelling of his previous songwriting to a stripped down, highly personal style for his recent self-produced and -released CD Burnt, White and Blue. Neither seem to regret their decisions, and both speak of their (and each others) new work with glowing pride. “In this last album I really nailed a mood that I was trying to create with the songwriting,” Dan Wilson said. “I was trying to create a vibe where John and Jake would respond musically, and I could create a direction for the band without having a discussion of the band. I feel like I did that to such a degree that I have to do something else next time.”

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THE ARCHIVE: THE APOSTLE (1997)

9:55 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
WRITER/DIRECTOR Robert Duvall neatly balances out despicable elements of his titular holy roller (beats his wife, kills a man) with redemptive elements (beats up racists, gives food to the hungry). This effectively generates what the Academy understands as a “complex” characterization, explaining The Apostle’s multiple Oscar nominations, but doesn’t offer audiences much more than a vastly overhyped acting exercise. As nice as it might be that after fleeing the police in Texas Duvall builds a new church in Louisiana, busing in po’ black folks and hugging them while shuffling his fire and brimstone shuffle, he neither seems to regret his illegalities (such as murdering his wife’s lover) nor address them directly. Good deeds are good deeds, certainly, but can’t be counted as restitution unless they directly redress a wrong. This leaves The Apostle oddly unsympathetic, as Duvall seems to care less about cleansing his soul than pathological fundamentalism, and too much of the script rings false. For example: Billy Bob Thornton shows up midway through the film brandishing his Oscar and a kaiser blade, so we know there’s going to be trouble. And trouble comes, yes, in one scene — but then is resolved in another, and never appears again, as though Thornton only had one day to film and as a result could only appear in those two scenes. Perhaps Miranda Richardson likewise had to leave the set early, as the romance so carefully developed between her and Duvall suddenly vanishes, without explanation. The pity is, Duvall has on hand a potentially fascinating character, and American evangelism has effectively been examined by writers as diverse as Flannery O’Conner and Sinclair Lewis. Instead, the subject is simply a frame for its star’s vanity, and even one as talented as Duvall can’t carry the film without a decent script.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE DIRTY BOOGIE (1998)

9:49 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
The Dirty Boogie
The Brian Setzer Orchestra (Interscope)


FORMER STRAY CATS lead Brian Setzer switched over to big band early, a fact he trumpets in his press releases. He points out that of all the new names in swing, he’s the only one who really has a big band — huge, really, at 17 men. He’s learned a lot in his first two albums with this group, as these many instruments are a whole lotta sound to wrap yourself around, and with The Dirty Boogie he puts all this new knowledge through its paces.

Big Band has never been fronted by an electric guitar, but they’re perfect compliments to each other. Unlike most modern swing bands, who draw heavily from James Brown’s angular, staccato use of horns, Setzer has lusher sensibilities. His horns layer on top of each other, creating a sweet tonal wallpaper behind his still-expressive guitar playing. And make no mistake, this is classic Setzer; he’s never abandoned his rockabilly roots, if anything he’s built logically from them. Therefore, his take on big band is much closer in spirit to hot jazz and jump than anything else. He can play an up-tempo rocker like Louis Prima’s “Jump Jive n’ Wail” without sounding like a swing variation of horn-driven ska. It also means that his remake of the Stray Cats’ “Rock This Town” remains true to the spirit of the original, expanding from the three-piece B-B-Q dance tune of the first recording to a ballroom workout.

His voice, in the meanwhile, has broadened from its early cathouse wail to include silky smooth crooning, and its well used in his duet with Gwen Stephanie in “You’re the Boss.” The selection of songs on The Dirty Boogie is uniformly excellent, if not nearly as inspiring as his rendition of “Danny Boy” on The Great White Hype soundtrack. If this CD fails in any way, it’s that it lacks that sort of madness, which the Stray Cats had in abundance. But where madness lacks, talent fills in, making The Dirty Boogie a welcome addition to the growing genre of millennial swing.

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THE ARCHIVE: MAN OR ASTRO MAN? (1998)

9:41 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
“HOW ARE WE going to be stopped? How are the legions going to be controlled? Man or Astroman? can be contained but not stopped!” —Birdstuff, drummer for Man or Astroman?

An interview with instrumental indie surf-pop band Man or Astroman? can be compared to finding an ancient short-wave radio in a storage closet of an abandoned military base.

You switch on the power, bringing forth its distinctive high-pitched whine as the radio attempts to make sense of the random waves and noises produced by the universe. Slowly the whine deepens and lengthens as you twist the dial, and it begins to take a distorted, crackly shape. Words take form for an instant, then break up and vanish again into the void. Eventually a male voice emerges, speaking quickly and excitedly — equations, calibrations, a torrent of scientific gibberish. The voice pauses, waiting for a response, and then pours forth with its academic babbling again. Another pause, this one longer, and the hairs rise on the nape of your neck as you realize the voice is waiting for your response.

Man or Astroman? claims to have crash-landed from another time (the future) and another place (Grid Sector 23 dash B61). “The original intention of the band was to transverse the various continents of your planet to look for the lost parts of our spaceship,” is the explanation offered by Birdstuff, the band’s drummer. “Alas, we’ve had very little success in our touring, but at the same time we’ve gained much knowledge and research throughout our journey.”

Very little success? Further questioning caused Birdstuff to rankle. “We have found none. Don’t rub it in!”

Displaying an inventiveness found only among radio host Art Bell’s late-night array of UFO kidnapees and perpetual motion inventors, Man or Astroman? can spin endless stories about their misfortunes as scientifically advanced visitors from a universe that as-yet remains our science fiction. Having crashed in Alabama and spent the past several years masquerading as an indie rock band, their quest for a way home and “sheer, pure science” has brought them into conflict with the U.S. government, which alternates between denying their existence and actively seeking to suppress them. Stories of black helicopters and Star Chamber scheming abound. Attempting to describe the suppression, Birdstuff choked on his own words. “Sure, we have the homefield advantage — time matrix-speaking — being from the future and being from a grid-based society. Can you discriminate like people on this planet discriminate against various races or sexes, can you discriminate on the time matrix that you come from?” Here Birdstuff had to stop and reign in his rage. “I don’t think so. I don’t think that’s any better just because it’s a different concept.”

He grew quiet, thoughtful, before drawing a conclusion about humanity: “I believe people just don’t like it when [those] who are unlike them become successful. I think they believe that only their kind or those that they are affiliated with should have a chance for success. How else could you explain Seven Mary Three?”

But Man or Astroman? has a secret weapon, what they call their “homefield advantage.” “The technology that we wield right now,” Birdstuff explained, “is beyond anything known to any major corporation or major government known to this planet.”

Cloning. Forget sheep or mice, Man or Astroman? has developed a technology so sophisticated it puts the future of alternative music directly into the hands of its consumer. “You can purchase a Man or Astroman Genome Project yourself.” Birdstuff announced, elated. “Four vials and you can create your own band to play whenever needed: Bar Mitzvah, birthday.”

With a gestation period of seven and a half minutes, anyone who wishes can grow their own band, drawn directly from the genetic materials of the four original band members. “Just before soundcheck,” pointed out Birdstuff, although he seemed somewhat stumped when questioned about the life span of the clones. “They would last indefinitely.” And do what? “They would hang around, probably eat your food and sleep on the floor.” So there might be a downside to this whole cloning scheme?

Birdstuff remained silent for a moment. “We haven’t done a whole lot of research in that direction,” he confessed. “That’s more long term.”

Indeed, the homemade clone kit is still in pre-production as Man or Astroman? mounts a similar, somewhat limited experiment in select cities across the United States: two new bands, entirely made of clones of the original band, performing Man or Astroman’s distinctive indie-rock meets the Jetsons instrumental grind. “We are indeed doing research of the most elated levels ever conceived!” Birdstuff boomed, creeping into that mad-scientist territory the band has explored so fully. “This is one of the most behemoth concepts in scientific research and independent music that has ever collided to form one.”

“The clones are direct genetic equivalents of Man or Astroman?,” Birdstuff elaborated, “The only difference are the Gamma clones are more Y-Chromosome based. All female units.”

Two bands, one male and one female, crisscrossing the country as part of a vast scientific experiment. The dystopian possibilities are endless — a clone war, a titanic battle of the bands at the end of time. But Man or Astroman? have already considered all the possibilities. The future is, after all, theirs.

“They’re going to be terminated,” Birdseed said of the clones. “The Alphas are being terminated after this U.S. tour, and the Gammas have a European tour in November and then they will be terminated too. It’s kind of like the mother spider eating her own young.”

Terrible, but perhaps necessary. The clones already show mutations based on being thrust into a new environment, “buying socks at different truck stops throughout, eating at different Taco Bells, experiencing a vast load of different input.”

“I think Dexter Y has shown a small display for violence.” Birdstuff admitted with some regret. “I’ve seen footage of him spanking various audience members on the stage, and that’s something that can’t be controlled. There are so many variables in this that I don’t see how we can be held accountable for every small incident.”

Birdstuff now turned defensive. “Every time somebody gets hurt or electrocuted and we get a phone call or some kind of legal fee that we have to fax back or let our lawyers deal with, and we have to pay for it in dollars. . . getting sued for various fire hazards or getting clubs shut down.” His voice rose a pitch, as sweat almost audibly trickled down his forehead. “At a certain point we did create the concept and we did provide the DNA, but these individual entities are, environmentally speaking, of their own accord leading their own lives and controlling their own destinies in a certain sense, and we can’t pay for every time somebody gets an eye put out.”

But don’t think him heartless. He paused to beg that news of the clones imminent demise not be printed. “I wouldn’t want them to read something that they don’t need to see right now. They got three weeks left of this tour, and I don’t want anyone to go sour this close to the end.”

The mission of the band, Birdstuff explained, was not cruel or callous. “The selfish gene of Man or Astroman? is to recreate ourselves and show people power through technology and through scientific research,” he elaborated. “Because we’re not doing scientific research for the betterment of humanity, we’re not doing for any other reason than it is what gives us pleasure and fun.”

His voice fade at this moment, as the earth shifted just far enough that the short-wave lost its radio signal. His last words, “this is in the name of science,” hung in the air, unresolved, echoing into the night.

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THE ARCHIVE: TOMMY SMOTHERS (1998)

9:32 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

TOMMY SMOTHERS will be a child forever. He is paired with his brother Dick in the longest-lived comic partnership in history, 41 years and counting. It is very much a vaudeville routine, and it is a simple one: Tommy torments Dick with an endless series of bizarre non-sequiturs and stream-of-consciousness rants, all built into a hootenanny-style folk duet. Now in his 60s, onstage Tommy remains trapped in boyhood, forever agonizing about perceived slights (“Mom always liked you best”) and caught in absurd lies.

It is a sweet, innocent comic routine, joyous and filled with good humor. And if it has grown in four decades, it is because the brothers’ timing has become sharper, their jokes are better crafted, and their routines have an easy familiarity that allows them frequent ad-libs. Even when they take jabs at touchy topics, such as religion or politics, they do so in a gentle way. “We make the statements and we let people make their own villains,” Tommy explained in an interview for his new tour, in which the brothers will act out their routines to the accompaniment of a full symphony orchestra.

But there was something about the Smothers Brothers that Richard Nixon hated. In 1968, the then-President-elect applied pressure to CBS to cancel their immensely popular variety show, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. To those only familiar with their comedy act, this seems incomprehensible, as though they had heard that Nixon has a taste for attacking weak, sickly children. But to those who regularly watched the Comedy Hour, it came as no surprise when the show went off the air. Beneath the humorous squabbling and clear-voiced folk songs lay a television partnership that battled network censorship and contained short political sketches that remain shocking in their bluntness. One famous, excised segment had singer Harry Belafonte singing the protest anthem “Don’t Stop the Carnival” while behind him played footage of the riots at the 1968 Democratic National Convention.

“The television show existed in a time warp,” Tommy Smothers recalled in an interview eith The Reader. “The ’60s and ’70s were a cultural civil war in the United States. You were a right-winger or a left-winger, you were a hawk or a dove, you were a short hair or a long hair. You could define people by looking at them. The language was different. The drug scene was positive, as opposed to negative. We just happened to have a show at that time, so we were just reflecting the time. Steve Martin was a writer, Ron Reiner. We were all adamantly against the war in Vietnam, it was an immoral war, and we were the only television show that reflected those viewpoints. It became a lightning rod. What was happening all over the country — the protests — it wasn’t happening on television.”

The brothers were offered the show almost as an afterthought. CBS was producing Bonanza at that time, and anything that ran opposite died an ungracious death. The Garry Moore Show, running in the same time slot on CBS, was the lowest-rated show on television. When CBS canceled the show mid-season and suggested to the brothers that they might move into the empty space, Dick and Tommy agreed — provided they could retain creative control. It was a bold demand for two young men, both in their 20s, particularly when you consider that neither had much experience in television. But the studio agreed, and with Tommy Smothers and Glenn Campbell as producers they pieced together an eclectic variety show that developed a fast following.

Tommy, in particular, gave free reign to his imagination. The show was distinguished early on by its strange variety of guests, including Hollywood icon Bettie Davis and rock band The Who on the same episode. Keith Moon, the band’s drummer, decided to contribute to the band’s reputation for loudness by filling his drum kit with dynamite. The resulting explosion destroyed part of the Smothers’ brothers set and permanently damaged bandmate Pete Townshend’s eardrum.

“I just liked that mix,” Tommy admitted. “I thought it was kind of interesting that these were my icons that I looked up to. Bettie Davis, my God! We had her on two or three times. Jack Benny and George Burns on at the same time singing ‘Winchester Cathedral’ — these sort of hip songs at the time.”

The show quickly grew in popularity, gaining a reputation for edgy, unusual comedy. With Tommy Smothers at the helm, the show had free reign for experimentation, and episodes included such memorable moments as an experimental short film by artist Saul Bass and “sketches that had some thought in them — some real power in them. We had a thing with [singer] Burl Ives one time, a takeoff on Our Town, Burl Ives singing ‘The Times They Are A-Changing,’ It was so powerful. It made people think, and it wasn’t offensive. But it caused people to listen, and that’s part of television.”

The brothers waged war against the CBS censors, who balked at the show’s content even as ratings continued to rise. By the end of the third season, Tommy’s plans for the show had become positively grandiose. He plotted shows that would have no audience and he intended to move the show to San Francisco, ground zero for the exploding counterculture that made up a good portion of the show’s audience. But then, abruptly, it came to an end — an event Tommy still remember with bitterness.

Nixon, now famous for his paranoia and “enemies list,” beat out Hubert Humphrey for presidency of the United States. He quickly moved to squelch the Smothers brothers’ show, furious that CBS would have a television program that was openly critical of U.S. involvement in Vietnam.

“We were fired,” Tommy explained plainly. “We had a drug setup put on us, and we were fired.”

What followed were years of lawsuits (CBS was eventually found to have violated its contract) and a decade that Tommy calls the “desert years.”

“We were working discos, weird places, we couldn’t get work in Vegas, Tahoe, none of the jobs there — they all closed down on us,” he said.

It would be a decade before their luck would turn around, with a Magnavox commercial that ran for four years. In the commercial, the brothers returned to their well-honed bickering personas. This led to a television special in 1988, which proved so popular that 16 more followed.

The years have sometimes been hard on the brothers, who briefly went to a counselor. “We weren’t talking to each other. We were doing our show but we wouldn’t talk after the show,” Tommy said.

“It’s like my brother ad-libbed one time, somebody asked ‘how do you guys get along after so many years?’ He said, ‘It’s like an old marriage. A lot of fighting, no sex.’”

Now Tommy describes their relationship as “very, very, very mellow.” Dick runs a vineyard, Tommy plays yo-yo (he’s built something of a cottage industry around his prowess with the child’s toy), and both golf. But they continue to work on their act. “I think we’ve got another 10 years of vital contributions to make,” Tommy said.

Recently the Smothers brothers have inched their way back into the limelight. Rhino Records has re-released a handful of classic routines on a CD titled Sibling Revelry. Their canceled television show has been the subject of several retrospectives, and cable television has expressed interest in producing a Smothers brothers biography. “We get a residual respect for standing up and going down,” Tommy explained. “I keep thinking, the Smothers brothers — we’re obsolete, we’re not cool anymore, we’re not on the cutting edge. But that’s the way time goes. Maybe we are still hip and we don’t know it.”

Whatever the case, Tommy Smothers, eternally a child onstage, has no plans to retire from the business anytime soon. “Old comics don’t quit,” he said, “they just die.”

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: SURVIVAL

4:40 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THERE WAS NOT MUCH CHOICE after the plane crash in the Andes. 62 of us were on the plane when it crashed, 22 of us survived, and we would have starved to death. I will spare you the gruesome details, which can be read in many books about our ordeal, but the fact is that all 22 of us walked away from the crash after almost half a year of being lost. None of us would have survived without doing the unthinkable. But the dead are dead, and the living must be tended to, and so we violated one of humanity's most powerful taboos. We ate human flesh.

As we returned to civilization, we promised we wouldn't look back, we wouldn't obsess about the past. We did what we had to, and to morbidly dwell on the subject might lead to madness. On the boat that took us down the Urubamba and back toward civilization, we swore a sacred pact. Then the boat crashed against the shore, and we were forced to eat the captain and three of his crew.

We returned to Montevideo to a press circus. They pushed their way into our hospital rooms, they located out families and ambushed them when they went to church, and they interrogated the families of those we cannibalized. We finally called for a press conference to put an end to the media's obsession, and we agreed to answer every question they had, so that their curiosity would be satisfied. They interviewed us for four hours, asking us the most intimate facts of our ordeal. They even demanded to know how we prepared the meals we ate, and, because we promised to be completely forthright and spare no detail, we obliged them by killing a photojournalist and cooking him. Everybody tried the food and agreed it was quite tasty.

That would have been the end of it, but, on the way home from the press conference, three of us survivors were trapped in a traffic jam for two hours and were forced to eat our taxi driver.

By the next morning, thanks to a slow elevator and some trouble finding the right key to my hotel room, I had eaten a clerk, a cleaning woman, and one of my fellow survivors. Later, catching my flight back to Minneapolis, the airplane was trapped on the tarmac for three hours. Only seven of the plane's 135 passengers made it out alive.

I have done terrible things to survive, but it is a hard and mean world, and sometimes survival demands terrible things. I had hoped that this would be the end of it. Now that I am back in Minneapolis, I had hoped to put my past behind me.

But now you tell me that you've burned the chicken?

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THE ARCHIVE: PALMETTO (1998)

8:36 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
HEMP SPOKESMODEL Woody Harrelson took this role, I suspect, to demonstrate that an entire film can be acted while high on loco-weed. He staggers through this crime melodrama, bleary-eyed and knocking furniture over, and provides the film’s only entertainment — which is about as satisfying as blowing hash smoke at your dog and then giggling when the mutt smacks into a wall. The story offers precious few surprises, which the filmmakers basically admit when they have Harrelson look directly into the camera at the film’s start and say “we’re out of twists.” The script tosses out plot curve after plot curve, but since each new plot point is rooted in the main character’s utter predictability — well, they fail to surprise. Harrelson makes bad decisions. Surprise! The femme fatale (Elisabeth Shue) is . . . uh . . . fatal. Surprise! Michael Rapaport dies, as he seems to do in any crime film he appears in! Surprise! But for a brief, almost incomprehensible scene in which Harrelson is hired by the D.A.’s office to be the press liaison for his own criminal actions (a scene that occurs suddenly when the plot requires he be given insider information about the investigation), Palmetto offers precious little that is novel or unexpected.

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THE ARCHIVE: COULEUR CAFE (1998)

8:30 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 1 Response
Couleur Café
Serge Gainsbourg (Philips/Mercury)


ONE OF THE GREAT French dandy characters of the late ’60s, Serge Gainsbourg was famous as much for his studied (if battered) elegance and public affairs (Bridget Bardot, as nan example) as for his unusual musical oeuvre. His compositions spanned everything from modern jazz to psychedelic pop, and on Couleur Café he dabbles in Afro-Cuban exotica. This provides a rich — and eminently danceable — bedding for Gainsbourg’s witty lyricism, which is frequently compared to the verbal gymnastics of Cole Porter.

The most interesting tracks on this compilation were the least commercially successful, drawing from his 1964 album Gainsbourg Percussions. Occasionally stolen from African melodies (“New York USA” is based on a Watusi war chant) and bearing titles like “Tatoué Jérémie (Tattooed Jeremy)” and “Lá Bas C’est Naturel (It’s Natural Over There),” these are bright, percussive melodies that perfectly compliment Gainsbourg’s crooning, slurred inflection. With Couleur Café, Gainsbourg has given us the aural equivalent of a vast, African-fetish ornamented bar stocked only with exotic spiced rums, turkish coffees and laughing girls in black berets. Perch atop one of the leopard-spotted stools, ask the bartender for a suggestion, and sit back and smile as “Joanna” plays on the stereo. This is Gainsbourg’s world, baby, and it’s a good one.

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THE ARCHIVE: KIM LENZ (1998)

8:20 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
IT ALL STARTS with thrift stores.

Al Hoff, in her book Thrift Score, tells of a friend from Phoenix named Paul Wilson. Paul dresses in vintage clothes, both men’s and women’s, and takes photographs of himself. These he edits together by pasting them onto a photograph of his house, which has likewise been dolled up with ‘50s furniture and tchotckes. He makes a color photocopy of the results, which he fiddles with using colored pencils. Finally, he takes a photograph of the photocopy, which he files in a series of elaborate photo albums.

The result? A perfect recreation of another era, looking pulled from the pages of Better Homes and Gardens Magazine, but with Wilson filling in for the anonymous models of the period. His sense of detail is frighteningly accurate, and his immersion in the image so complete that even in complex crowd scenes — with Wilson every member of the crowd — he’s invisible. It simply seems to be an image from the ’50s. The seams never show.

Rockabilly singer Kim Lenz has likewise glued herself into the past. Her CD, Kim Lenz and her Jaguars, was recorded to a single track recorder, using vintage instruments and equipment. The songs (all but three by Lenz) betray no sense of modernity. They’re not stuck in an era, instead they reflect the timelessness of the music of an era (in this case, the ’50s). These are songs reflecting the essential themes of rock and roll: love, loss, cars, clothes. They’re good songs, good enough to have been standards, had they been released 40 years ago. Instead, they were released in the past year.

And there’s Lenz herself. With bright-red, pointed, Bettie Page-style bangs and honky-tonk heartbreaker outfits, she looks as though she’s tumbled out of a hole in time. Even her high cheekbones and bee-stung lips seem a product of another period. Do they make faces like this anymore? She carries this look with such conviction that it’s easy to image the ’50s springing up around her feet, wherever she steps, because it’s not appropriate for it to still be the 1990s when she’s around.

This is the legacy of our century. The past hundred years have produced equipment to document each facet of each decade, so that future generations can know exactly the look and sound of those who preceded them. If they wish, Gen-X’ers can reach back in time and perfectly recreate it. Everything they need waits for them at the corner thrift store.

Critics would point out that this sort of dime-item revivalism is really a historical revisionism. The photograph of Gene Vincent and his Blue Caps that formed the cover of his Capitol album (which Lenz perfectly recreates with her band for her CD) wasn’t a photojournalistic snapshot, it was a carefully composed studio portrait, showing Vincent as executives and art designers wanted him to look. Our memory of the past is inevitably clouded by our imperfect recording of it. It is inevitably affected by the fact that we remember the past as we want to remember it.

Critics be damned. Revivalism never pretended to be a series of historical seminars, it has always been about history as fantasy. Perhaps the juvenile delinquents of the era didn’t dress as slick as those in the films about them, perhaps not every home in America was filled with shiny chrome and sleek plastic gadgets. So what? We can review the past, revise it, and make it better. This is why Dan Bern’s often does Bob Dylan better than Dylan’s himself did. It’s why Lenz’s CD might be as good as any rockabilly record ever released. “A lot of people think of rockabilly music as a ’50s music,” Lenz explained in an interview, “and it’s been around since the ’50s, but it’s a really viable contemporary music. You can write more songs in the rockabilly vein, and they don’t sound modern, but it’s like blues. It’s still alive. We’re just trying to be rockabilly like rockabilly’s supposed to be done.”

Lenz was born in San Diego, Cal., the Daughter of a Rodeo Queen. This story has been told and retold by Lenz so often it deserves to be capitalized — it evokes a mythic quality, as though the music she plays courses through Lenz’s blood as a matter of genealogy. Certainly it explains the series of pastel cowgirl outfits she wears. But what is a rodeo queen?

“My mom grew up on a ranch in Washington state. She grew up riding horses and doing all that ranch stuff,” Lenz explained “They had a rodeo once a year. It was — I think — a cross between jumping things and looking pretty”

Lenz’s father, a “greaser” to hear Lenz describe him, was raised in Kansas where he cruised the heartland, listening to Wolfman Jack on the radio. Lenz grew up with her parents dual musical influences, “Carl Perkins and Roy Orbison,” on her father’s side, “country music from my mom’s side. I grew up with a lot of roots music around the house.”

Lenz moved to Los Angeles in the late ’80s while still in her early twenties. It was an exciting time, musically. A half-dozen LA bands were in the process of creating an underground music based on old-time musical styles. “Big Sandy was just getting started, Royal Crown Revue was just getting started. That’s when I discovered this music for myself,” she remembered.

This explosion of music revivalists eventually spawned the lounge and big band scenes. Lenz was an early fan, but she was also a citizen of LA — a city that, as the ’90s progressed, grew volatile. Lenz worked for a entertainment business management firm, doing music publishing and accounting. She “worked down on Wilshire and La Brea,” a location that would become a flashpoint for the 1992 L.A. riots. “I was downstairs in the building where I worked, and people came running in with their heads all bloody. They sealed the building off, then they evacuated it.”

Several months later, Los Angeles experienced a severe earthquake. “I was living in North Hollywood at the time. It was really bad.” Lenz, an obsessive thrift shopper, was hit hard by it “Everything I had got broken up pretty good,” she said.

Lenz relocated to Dallas, part of a massive migration of young adults away from LA following the riot and earthquake. She enrolled in the University of North Texas in Denton, studying psychology and minoring in music. Soon, she discovered “everyone else had a band, so I decided — hey, I wanted a band too.”

Lenz’s first band was called Rocket Rocket. “It was kind of a silly party band, and we only had about six shows. Most of the people who were in the band were in other bands.” Rocket Rocket bandmates would go on to form Slobbertone, the Grown-Ups, and Wayward Girl. “I got up and performed in front of people I knew. I wanted to do it so I had to get my own band together.”

“My biggest goal when I first started the band was to get a gig at a place called Bar of Soap in Dallas,” Lenz coupled telling this story with a laugh, something she does frequently. “It’s a Laundromat and a little bar and you play in the corner. It’s all tile, it’s a really bad sounding room. You bring in your own PA. I’d seen a lot of bands there and I used to want to play there. We played there, we played a little honky-tonk place called Naomi’s. We were lucky if we got ten or twenty people to show up.”

Her early shows featured mostly covers, although she hesitates to call them that. “We’re not a top-40 cover band,” she explained. “I started out digging up really obscure rockabilly numbers to do. I think of it as a tribute to the artists I love. We try to do mostly songs that people haven’t heard before, to give people a chance to hear some of the great songs that are just sort of laying around dead.”

Lenz shows off some of these lost rockabilly gems on her CD, which includes “Kiss and Tell Baby” and “Ten Cats Down,” two obscure but astounding songs. Recorded, like the rest of the album, on vintage equipment (“three feet by three feet by six feet tall, full of tubes,” according to Lenz, looking “like rocket gears from the ’50s”), the songs sounds as thought they play from an ancient Wurlitzer jukebox gathering dust in some boarded up moonshiner roadhouse. This is not the Reverend Horton Heat or the Cramps, two bands that play rockabilly with a distinctly punk edge. This is the pure stuff, undiluted by decades of later music.

Lenz makes no apologies for the sounds she creates. “It’s really hard to play rockabilly as it’s traditionally played,” she insisted. “It’s a lot easier just to rock out. We all grew up listening to punk, and not only that but we grew up to the Wall of Sound, so everyone thinks that to make rock-and-roll you have to have two twin reverbs and double bass and a stack of Marshall amps. There are bands that I like, like Big Sandy, who don’t play it that loud, and you can really hear the separation of the instruments. It’s just an alternative way of playing music.”

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THE ARCHIVE: LUIS BUNUEL (1998)

8:09 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
UN CHIEN ANDALOU is only seventeen minutes long, and despite its title (which translated as "The Andalusian Dog") neither takes place in Andalusia nor involves a dog. Nonetheless, it contains one of the most famous, and shocking, images in cinematic history. The scene takes less than minutes, and can be summed up thusly:

A man approach a woman from behind. He draws her hair away from her face, then slashes her eyeball with a razor.

There is nothing more to it. Nothing that preceded it could have hinted at this image. Nothing that follows ever refers back to it. But the image (created by jump cutting to an actual shot of a cow’s eye being slashed) would forever impress itself into the public consciousness, as would the name of its creator, Luis Buñuel.

Buñuel, whose 1932 short documentary Land Without Bread and 1962 feature-length original work The Exterminating Angel opens this Friday at the Blue Barn, was film’s greatest iconoclast. Surreal in a very literal way (Un Chien Andalou was financed by Salvador Dali, who provided creative assistance, and Buñuel counted Federico Garcia Lorca among his friends), Buñuel’s films distinguished themselves by an unusual approach to themes and storytelling and a near-frenetic critique of privilege and religion.

Buñuel’s filmography is complex, deeply linked to his own biography, which always seemed to teeter on the verge of self-destruction. From his early film efforts in Madrid, Spain, he traveled extensively, alternating between brilliantly subversive storytelling (L’Age D’Or), a brief stint dubbing films in the United States following the Spanish Civil War, and his mostly unproductive career in Mexico in the 1940s (which culminated in his extraordinary documentary about homeless Mexican street kids, called Los Olvidados). Buñuel was invited back to Spain in 1961 by General Franco, who sponsored the making of his Virdiana, a film that was immediately banned in Spain on grounds of blasphemy. Nonetheless, it won the Palme D’or at the Cannes Film Festival.

The Exterminating Angel was one of a series of complex, rigorously individualistic films that followed the Palme D’or (including Diary of a Chambermaid and Belle de Jour), and is arguably, alongside with 1972’s The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie Buñuel’s masterpiece. The two films, despite their separation of 15 years, are really of a piece. Discreet details the misadventures of a group of petty bourgeoisie who attempt to sit down to a formal meal. Interruptions make their meal impossible, in an ever-escalating series of fantastical sequences, including assassinations and wild dream sequences. Discreet won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Film despite Buñuel’s claims that he had bribed the entire Academy, and if he had his way he would burn every copy.

The Exterminating Angel seems the mirror image of Desire, telling of a group of wealthy Mexicans who simply cannot leave after an evening’s entertainments. They discover themselves trapped together in a parlor lined with closets decorated with religious icons, and as they rapidly descend into savagery these closets become the hiding place for their most hideous actions. Despite its inherently absurd theme, Angel pursues the actions of its characters with rigorous logic, even as the characters themselves stop making sense. It is a breathtaking, surprisingly comic piece of filmmaking, and Buñuel pulls no punches. His characters are never sympathetic. Even those who try to preserve their civility and humanity come off as self-important at best, buffoons at worst. It is a bleak, magnificent vision of humanity, and one that never fails to surprise. Whether it is the character’s surprising compassion for the sheep who, without explanation, have wandered (along with a bear) into their parlor or the womens’ increasingly manic reliance on mysticism, Buñuel gives us a complex and contradictory piece of storytelling — one that never breaks down into a simple assault on the status quo. Indeed, the film’s lone noble character is the party’s host, who the remainder of the cast believe to be the source of their woes and wish to kill.

The films of Luis Buñuel, perhaps because they are so completely films by adults for adults (there is no simple moralizing or romantic gunplay — or romantic anything, for that matter), never found a very broad audience. Critically successful, they have found a following only in fits in starts, through word of mouth and hep video stores. Whit Stillman, in his first film Metropolitan, betrays his academic background by placing a discussion of Buñuel into the mouths of his New York debutantes. In part it might be an ironic commentary on his characters barely-understood but outstanding education, perhaps it was just a ham-fisted intertextual references to a famous filmmaker; either way, Stillman tells his knowing audience through referencing Buñuel that what is to follow will be a critique of wealth and class.

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THE ARCHIVE: DARK CITY (1998)

8:02 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
IN ITS closing credits, Dark City credits the memory of Dennis Potters as an influence. Potter wrote some distinctly cerebral and unhinged crime melodramas for the BBC, including Pennies for Heaven and The Singing Detective. Perhaps this is unsurprising in a film co-scripted by Lem Dobbs, himself responsible for such oddities as Kafka and the little-seen Hider in the House, but it gives clues as to why Dark City so successfully wraps popular sensibilities around some awfully intricate themes. Consider that the story roots itself in a paranoiac fantasy: that the whole of this world is constructed for the purpose of a sinister experiment, and if we can simply turn around fast enough we can catch shady figures fiddling with the scenery. Consider also that our protagonist (Rufus Sewell) might actually be a psychotic, wandering from murdered prostitute to murdered prostitute, trying to piece together his own fragmented memories. Director Alex Proyas gives us a city that wraps inside itself like a vast maze and shifts, unnoticed, beneath its inhabitant’s feet. Here madmen in train stations babble that the identities we cling to are simply sloppy constructions, and if we examine them too closely they’ll crumble — and these babblings might be the truth. It looks like both Nosferatu and Metropolis, and feels like a Phillip K. Dick sci-fi novel, and as the story winds through its own perverse logic it grows increasingly satisfying. Proyas previously directed The Crow, which likewise played mythopoeia against comic-book sensibilities, and in Dark City he’s managed to draw from the best of both. This might the closest an American film comes to the vivid cinematic fantasy world of The City of Lost Children, and for an American film it’s close enough.

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THE ARCHIVE: ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING MUSIC FROM MGM CLASSICS 1939-1965 (1998)

7:54 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Academy Award-Winning Music from MGM Classics 1939-1965
Various artists (Turner Classics Movies Music and Rhino Movie Music)


WITH HOLLYWOOD'S SONGWRITING TALENT dwindled to the occasionally charming, all-too-frequently cloying saccharine pop of Disney cartoons and the God-awful theme songs producers drape behind the credits of vastly overblown, overhyped cinematic monstrosities (Celine Dion, anyone, or “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?”), thank heaven for this collection of gems from MGM’s golden era to remind us of the craft of songsmithing. It’s been a long decline since the extraordinary lyrical inventiveness of “On the Atchison, Topeka And The Santa Fe”, from 1946’s The Harvey Girls. Coupling an infectious, train-chugging swing melody by “Chatanooga Choo Choo” composer Harry Warren with a seemingly inexhaustible stream of lyrics from Johnny Mercer, this song spools out over an exhausting eight minutes and thirty seconds. This composition alone could be a Ph.D. survey course in pop craftsmanship.

Many of the songs in this collection went on to be staples in the repertories of America’s essential jazz vocalists (Billy Eckstein and Ella Fitzgerald, to name two), so it’s something of a kick to hear the untrained voices of professional mermaid Ester Williams and professional Latin leading man Ricardo Montalban work their way through Frank Loesser’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (from 1949’s Neptune’s Daughter) or Betty Hutton and Howard Keel warble Irving Berlin’s “Anything You Can Do” (Annie Get Your Gun, 1950). These melodies are so rollicking and high-spirited, it doesn’t seem to make much difference who sings them. But the CD opens with Judy Garland singing “Over the Rainbow” (The Wizard of Oz, 1939). This slice of New Deal optimism remains one of the most recognizable and important of film themes, so much so that it was the subject of one of Salman Rushdie’s rare published essays since going underground. With its blend of sophistication and wistful optimism, and backed by Judy Garland’s distinct and expressive phrasing — well, suddenly it becomes obvious that the songs in this collection represent some of American songwriting’s finest moments.

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THE ARCHIVE: INDIGO SWING (1998)

7:45 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
WHAT IS IT about Indigo Swing? In the flurry of up-and-coming swing bands, there’s something about this Bay Area-based six-piece combo that stands a little apart. And it’s not just that, in singer Johnny “The Swing Lover” Boyd’s words, they’re “not a ska band trying to do swing music.” It’s true, there’s a soulfulness and a lush romantic sensibility evident on their new CD All Aboard! that is notably absent in similar bands. It’s also true that their songwriting (primarily by Boyd and pianist William Beatty) echoes an older tradition of pop craftsmanship than, say, Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. The latter band thrusts a distinctly modern and aggressively punk spin on their lyrics (the overplayed “Zoot Suit Riot” being an ideal example), while in songs like “How Lucky Can One Guy Be” Boyd and Beatty go beyond simply capturing the spirit of classic crooning — they actually quote it, as the title of the song comes from the first lyric in Dean Martin’s “Ain’t Love A Kick in the Head.”

But there’s something more. It’s evident before and after gigs, when the band members labor at unloading a battered Yamaha upright piano that they’ve dragged around the country. Their explanation, again from Boyd: “We wanted an acoustic band. Every instrument on the stage is acoustic. We just want to capture the simpleness of the music we love to play.”

These guys are purists. They approach the music of America after the end of the second World War with the same kind of careful whistfulness shown by jazz musicians caught up in the first Ragtime revival, when bands like Bob Crosby and his Bobcats meticulously recreated the hot riverboat music of the first decades of this century. And like that earlier revival, they bring to the music an endearing nostalgia — embracing postwar culture with the same passion the beats exhibited in rejecting it.

The popular music of the decades following the 1929 stock market crash exhibit a unique — and necessary — optimism. While songs like “Buddy Can You Spare a Dime” offered grim snapshots of poverty-row living, the singles that sold best displayed a determined, almost pathological, belief in the future. “Every time it rains,” they told us, “it rains pennies from heaven.” There might be an underlying melancholy in the words, “Don’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, ‘till I come marching home” (it is, after all, an admonition to a girlfriend to remain faithful), the lyrics insisted our young G.I.’s would come home. Refer also to Vera Lynn’s exquisite “We’ll Meet Again,” in which she sings, “Let’s say good-bye with a smile, dear.” Sad words of farewell, yes, but ultimately hopeful ones.

Postwar America seemed to prove these songs prophetic, rather than self-deluding. As Boyd described the era, “the country was number one, and the people were moving to California. Everywhere in this country they were buying cars and houses and starting families and jobs were abundant. Everybody was having a great life.” As terrifying as the first years of rock and roll might have been to some, this was vibrant, explosively joyous music. Derived from rhythm and blues and uptempo country tunes (plus an abundance of other popular styles — Elvis borrowed heavily from both Dean Martin and Billy Eckstine), it spoke of a youthful nation with an eye for fun.

This was the music Boyd grew up listening to. Born in San Francisco, he moved to Arizona when still young. His father had a sizable selection of music by male vocalists. “I would listen to Bing Crosby, Tony Bennett, Satchmo — they’d always be playing on the stereo at home, every day,” he said, “so I think some things would seep in. Anybody who was alive at that time who was and making music that was rhythmic and cool and fun to listen to with clever lyrics, they made me very happy.”

Moving back to San Francisco as an adult, he discovered an abundance of used record stores and thrift shops. He immediately began obsessively collecting LPs. “I don’t think I ate for the first two years I lived there,” he said, “because I could find every piece of music that I wanted. I could really hunt for it and have fun.”

San Francisco already had an incipient lounge culture, in the form of a club called the Club Deluxe. Boyd described it as “a ’40s throwback club. Looks like an old movie set.” Here he was exposed to the first (and one of the most influential) bands of the swing revival: Los Angeles’ Royal Crown Review. “I was just completely blown away,” Boyd confessed, “I was so happy because everybody in the room was loving the same stuff that I was loving. Everybody was looking great — dressed up, listening to great music.”

Inspired, Boyd pursued his own musical tastes. He has a distinct, intimate singing style obviously inspired by the classic crooners who sang to him from his father’s record player. Crooning developed in the early part of this century. Drawn from the Italian Belle Voce style (“sweet voice”), in which male parts were sung softly with exquisite ornamentation, the crooners made excellent use of new technology that allowed them to amplify their singing via microphones. No longer did men have to sing to the rafters in a booming, operatic voice. Now they could produce songs with just a thimbleful of breath — a technique that added a uniquely erotic quality to their songs. It was as though the songs were whispered into the ears of their listeners, which literally caused young girls in the audience to swoon.

Boyd’s crooning is well-served in the danceable, boogie-woogie brand of music he writes. Indigo Swing is as toe-tapping as any combo working the circuit today, but his crisp voice emphasizes the essential upbeat nature of the music. These are songs of love and good humor, ideal date music, or, as Boyd described it: “the music that we love to listen to and play. We always wanted to be a dance band. If you’re playing music and people are dancing to it, you know you’re doing something right. We’re smart enough to know what a rhythmic beat is, what would sound good to the ear, and what makes your toes tap.”

It’s music for couples. Boyd repeatedly emphasized his band is intended as “dance music,” and not the sort of dancing you find at a disco: solitary figures, bouncing in place, eyes closed. Blissful but disconnected dancers, lost in a sea of likewise blissful but likewise disconnected dancers. “People sit in front of a computer all day, they sit in their car alone as they drive to work for hours on end, and they’re lonely,” Boyd explained. “They want to come together and meet other people and hold each other and dance together. The music acts as a catalyst to let them do that. That’s why I think this is probably going to be around for a while. Because one people get a feeling and a flavor for what it’s like to have that human companionship, they’re not going to give that up to easily.”

No more easily than Indigo Swing is going to give up their acoustic piano.

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: THE HUNT

11:35 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 1 Response
AT LAST I find a job I'm really good at, and it couldn't come at a worse time.

Specifically, this job has come at the time of -- and because of -- the end of all life on earth. Well, all life except me, and, I suppose, the Overlords, although they'll probably leave once they have hunted down, exterminated, and devoured the last living creature on this planet.

Everybody remembers where they were the day the Overlords arrived, in their menacing black spaceships. They filled the skies, and they broadcast down to us that our time was at an end. They told us that about 3.7 billion years ago, they had seeded this planet with rudimentary organic compounds. They have done this to billions of planets, and they do it for sport. They wait, with infinite, alien patience, for the planets they have seeded to teem with life. Then they return, armed and hungry, and begin to hunt. They are vicious killers, and can strip a planet of all life in just a few years, leaving it a scorched wasteland. The Overlords have done this millions of times, and will continue to do so until, presumably, the universe itself collapses.

I remember the day the Overlords came especially well, as I was fired from three jobs that day, which was a new record for me. I cannot count the number of places that I have been fired from, but, generally, my firings are spread out over weeks, or, at least, days. There was a day when I was seventeen I was fired from a day camp, where I had accidentally set fire to a port-a-potty, and a movie theater, where I had accidentally set fire to a soda machine. That was my previous record for firings.

But the day the Overlords came topped it. In the morning, I accidentally released two dozens dogs into a butcher shop, which cost me my dog walking job. Rounding up the dogs caused me to be late for my telemarketing job, which brought about the end of that employment, although they told me they were getting ready to fire me anyway. Generally, in three weeks, their telemarketers have sold at least one of their Ronald Reagan memorial Berlin Wall replicas. By contrast, not only had I not managed to sell one, but three of the people I called actually returned Berlin Wall replicas they had previously purchased.

And then, in the evening, when I went to the Chinese Restaurant where I washed dishes, I accidentally set fire to the bartender. I was given my last check and a bag of fortune cookies and asked to leave. I went outside and sat on the curb, watching the ambulance cart the bartender away, and snacked on fortune cookies. One of the fortunes I read said "Look up!"

I suspect the fortune simply meant that things were bound to get better, but I took it literally and turned my head skyward. And there, in the halflight of the early evening, I saw the first of the Overlord's spaceships fill the sky.

So how did I end up working for the Overlords? As it turns out, although they are superlative hunters, and also excellent cooks, they have no patience for little details; they especially dislike paperwork. And there is an awful lot of paperwork involved in hunting down and devouring every single life form on a planet. Overlords have a complex bureaucracy in place to issue hunting licenses, resulting in hours of filling out forms, photocopying ID cards, laminating licenses, and filing it all in cardboard boxes. Additionally, the Overlords like to share hunting tips and recipes they have developed, and so need a weekly newsletter. None of them enjoy collating and stapling photocopies, and so they needed someone to do the busy work of putting out the newsletter.

It wound up being me. When the Overlord announced their plans for the destruction of all life on earth, most people did one of a few things. Some hid. Others armed themselves. Me, I went to the Foshay Tower in downtown Minneapolis, which the Overlords were using as a base of operations, and asked if they were hiring. As it happens, they were. One job. My job.

As it turns out, I'm great at it. I'm not sure why. I've had jobs like this before, full of little, mindless tasks, and I've been terrible at them. But I am a model of efficiency here. I can process a hunting application in just a few minutes, to the delight of the Overlords, who simply cannot wait to get out there into the wild and bag some really exciting game. They've been working their way through Chicago, and they are just thrilled with this planet. The native animals here are unexpectedly vicious -- they've been amazed at how many creatures will fight back. Those that don't are unexpectedly good at hiding. Last week's newsletter told of a sextion of St. Louis that they were quite certain they had rendered utterly lifeless. And yet, late at night, a bookcase had moved and a young boy had emerged. They caught the boy and observed him for a few days, astounded that something so young and small could evade them for as long as he had. Later, the Overloard ate him over rice with a curry sauce. They put the recipe into their newsletter, and it is surprisingly easy to make.

I suspect I know why I do this job so well. It's because at every previous job, I was the worst employee they had. I knew it, and my employers knew it, and the people I worked with knew it, and I guess I just lived up to their expectations. But, suddenly, I'm no longer the worst employee at a job. I'm the only employee, and I can be as bad or as good as I want to be, and I will still be the best they have. And suddenly I find I want to be the best at my job. Maybe I just hated feeling like I had to prove myself to anyone else. I don't have to do that anymore. I can really strive for excellence at this job, for no other reason than the satisfaction of doing a job really well.

Well, that and because the Overlords will kill me and eat me if I mess up.

And so I spend my days doing paperwork, and sometimes volunteering to take on additional chores that the Overlords obviously find odious. I typeset a cookbook a few days ago. I even threw in some full-color photographs, which, to be honest, made me a little queasy. The Overlords like their meat rare and bloody, and their liver tartar was unnerving to look at, especially since the owner of the liver once rented me an apartment in St. Paul. I know this because of another little task I have taken on: Tagging the game when it comes in to Minneapolis to be processed. Whatever they kill gets sent here, and is sent to a butcher's complex that the Overlords established in the building that was once Dayton's. Overlord chefs use this meat to concoct a dizzying variety of meals. But they don't like the busy work of tagging the game for easy identification, and so I spend an hour or two every day writing down the species of meat on a little tag and then affixing the tag to the animal. I find this job enjoyably challenging, as sometimes I do not know what an animal is, and must look it up. I had never seen a chinchilla before I began this job, or a lemur, or a water snake. Also, it had been years since I had seen my father.

The Overlord chefs like to tease me. They will see me busily tagging, and come up behind me, and grab me and pretend they are going to carry me off into the kitchen. They smack their lips and call out what sort of meal they will make out of me, and they prod at me and squeeze my flesh, as though they were expertly examining the quality of my meat. We all laugh at this little game, and we laugh even harder when they remind me that one day I will be the only meat left on earth, and the Overlords might feel a bit peckish before they leave the planet and want one final meal. Then they pat me on the shoulders and tell me to get back to work. For an alien species who live to commit global genocide, they're all right guys.

A few weeks ago, I was filing some papers in the Foshay when I spotted a man. I hadn't seen another man in months -- Minnesota was the first state to be stripped bare of all life -- and so it was quite a shock. He seemed startled to see me as well. He was bedraggled, dressed in rags, and had unkempt hair and a knotted beard. He was filthy, and he carried with him a brown paper bag. We stared at each other for a moment.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

I shrugged and gestured down to the boxes of files. He looked down at them and then back up at me, shaking his head.

"Filing," I said.

In truth, once the shock of seeing him had worn off, I was rather eager for him to leave. I had a lot of work to do, and did not want to fall behind because of an unexpected interruption. I hoped that he would just go on his way and do whatever he was doing. Instead, he walked up to me and looked down into the box, set down his paper bag, and then reached down and grasped a handful of files.

"What are these?" he demanded, squinting his eyes at me suspiciously.

"Hey!" I cried out. "Put those down!"

He ignored me and instead opened one of the files. There was a photo of an Overloard stapled to a neatly typed document. He read the title of the document out loud.

"Hunting license?" he asked, his voice strangely low and quiet.

"These need to be in alphabetic order," I replied, sharply. "If you'll let me get back to my job..."

He dropped the files, and they scattered on the floor. Before I could speak to protest, he grabbed my collar with both hands and pulled me to my feet, and then pushed me against a wall. His face was next to mine, and I could feel his hot, sour breath blow into my face.

"You're working with them?" he demanded. "Is that what you're doing?"

"I'm working for them," I corrected, trying to take as neutral a tone of voice as possible. This was not the first time I had been attacked at a job. I generally found it helped to become as passive as possible.

"Don't you know what they are doing?' he asked. "They are killing everything. Everything!"

I shrugged and made a face that I hoped communicated a specific message: What can you do? He stared back at me, disbelieving.

"How can you do it?" he asked, his voice choking. "How can you ... help ... them?"

"All I do is file some papers," I answered. It was a fib, of course, but I didn't think it would be a good idea to detail all the tasks I did for the Overlords.

"Don't you get it?" he asked. "They're killing us! Do you know what they do then?"

I chose not to reply, keeping my expression neutral.

He spoke his next words with an unmistakable tone of horror. "They're eating us," he said.

I thought I would try to reason with him. "Well, yes," I said. "But they created us, didn't they? I mean, that's what they told us. They put life here on earth. They bred us as food. That's the reason we exist at all, isn't it? There was always going to be the day when the Overlords came, and when that day came, we were going to be eaten. That's always been our destiny."

"You think we were born to be food?" he asked, amazed.

"Am I wrong?" I asked.

The man struck me, and I lost consciousness. I woke in a bed, my head carefully bandaged. An Overlord sat next to me, reading a newsletter. He noticed I was conscious and smiled at me.

"Well, you had quite an adventure, didn't you?" he asked.

He told me that they had caught the man who attacked me. He had a homemade bomb in his paper bag, and had worked his way into downtown Minneapolis to destroy the Foshay. He had been caught, of course, and quickly made into a soup with ginger.

"Think of what he might have done if he had blown up the Foshay," the Overlord said, laughing. "He might have destroyed all your files!"

I asked how long I had been unconscious. The Overlord shrugged. "A few days."

"But the filing ... " I said, nervously.

"The filing could wait," the Overlord said. "The important thing is that you are all right."

I looked up at this strange creature. They had been my bosses for so long, I had scarcely considered the possibility that they might have any feelings of concern or affection for me. It had never occurred to me that they might see me as anything more than a busy little man who does the tasks that they hate. But suddenly I realized that they saw me as something better than that. Perhaps even as a friend.

"Really?" I asked, and my voice broke. My cheeks were wet.

"Oh yes," the Overlord said. "It wouldn't do to have you sick, or have you never regain consciousness. It would be terribly disappointing for us."

"Thank you," I said.

"One day we will leave this world," the Overlord said. "There are other planets out there, full of life, just waiting to be harvested for the hunt. And the night we leave for the next world, we will throw a celebration, and you will be our most honored guest. We will feast, and then we will leave the Earth, and we will take you with us."

I did not know what to say. I hadn't even thought that far ahead. But here he was, one of the Overlords, telling me that I was to accompany them as they returned to their spaceships and left for the stars.

"Oh yes," said the Overlord, his eyes running up and down my body. "We will feast that day."

I wept with joy. And the Overlord dabbed the tears from my eyes. Then he stood up and nodded.

"We need to get you some food," he said. "You look like you lost some weight weight when you were unconscious. Are you hungry?"

I admitted I was.

"Yes, you must eat," the Overlord said, licking his lips. "It won't do to have you skin and bones."

"We want you healthy and plump," the Overlord said.

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: ALCOHOL

11:35 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 1 Response
MY FATHER DRANK. We all drank, but he was definitely the ringleader. He's the one who filled our thermoses full of Canadian whiskey and sent us off to preschool. He's the one who instituted a policy of liquid breakfasts. He'st he one who siphoned hot and cold running rum to our bathroom water taps.

And we loved him for it. We told him often, wrapping our tiny arms around him, leaning our full weight on him, and burbling our affection wetly in his ear. He would laugh and embrace us, and then cry, and then fall over, and we would tumble with him and often sleep where we fell.

Our mother didn't approve. She was a wine drunk, and felt our consumption of hard liquor was just so much macho nonsense. She often expressed her disapproval from a doorway, tottering on one foot, a half-empyy wine glass dangling from one hand, her hair blocking her eyes. "You guys ..." she would say. "You guys and your BRANDY BULLSHIT and your VODKAS think you're so TOUGH but you don't have an OUNCE of sophistisopitication!" Then her eyelids would flutter and she would excuse herself to lie down for a while. Later, we would hear her arguing with a pillow.

We didn't have much furniture. Dad broke most of our chairs, but for one loveseat, which mother occassional mistook for a gentleman caller and made passes at. We had a television set for a while, but it frightened my youngest brother, Joshua, primarily because we kept it balanced precariously on a radiator and it fell on him a few times. But we didn't need a television. Every afternoon, as a group, we would go to movies, and each would bring our own flasks. We had our very own game. During the movie, whenever someone on screen took a drink, we drank. Also, whenever a character spoke a line of dialogue, we drank. Any time there was a camera movement, we drank. And whenever one of us drank, we drank. The manager of the theater, Mr. Wheatstraw, knew us, and was kind enough to drive us home every night after the move had ended, and to dump us out on the family's front lawn, and sometimes give us a few really good kicks, to make sure we were still breathing. My father suspected my mother was having an affair with Mr. Wheatstraw, as she would often sneak away during the film for 20 minutes or so. One night he followed her, and discovered her making passionate love to a popcorn machine.

We did not do well in school. There were just insurmountable difficulties. Our mother was diligent enough to walk us to the street corner ever day and leave us to wait for the bus, but, as it turned out, she was actually walking us down into our own basement and leaving us there for most of the day. We did manage to actually make it to school a few times, only to discover that our parents had forgotten to enroll us. A teacher took pity on us and gave us schoolbooks to take home and study on our own time. We burned them later that night for warmth. It was often cold in the house, particularly after father accidentally drove his Toyota through one of the walls.

At least we had friends. There was Don the Bartender, who often babysat us, feeding us pickled eggs and tellign us very funny stories about his ex wife, who he claimed he was going to kill. He never did kill her, but it was not for lack of trying, and we would laugh and laugh as he told us of his bungling. And, of course, the men at the liquor store were our childhood heroes. We could barely speak in their presence, but they were kind enough to let us wander around the store and stare, wide-eyed, at all the treats they had to sell. Sometimes, when they were in an especially good mood, and the police had already come and gone, they would let us pick out shot bottles, one per person. Greg liked Rumpleminz and Josh liked Root Beer Shnappes, but Irish Cream was my favorite. We would sit by the dumpster in the back and drink our shots and read comic books, and later we would burn the comic books for warmth.

Like all families, we took vacations. Every summer, we would pick a place on the map and go for a roadtrip, until father drove the car into a body of water, and then we would stay there for a while. We summered around Lake Calhoun once, and Lake of the Isles, and had a wonderful drive into Lake Nokomis. We usually stayed in a hollowed out tree, although one summer we slept in a cabin until the owners finally discovered us. Then we ran and laughed and ran some more, and then I spent seven unhappy months in a juvenile detention facility. It would have been unbearable, but my roomate knew how to make pruno, an alcoholic beverage made from fermented ketchup packets. Thanks to my roommate, the seven months passed quickly. Mostly I remember vomiting a lot, although I also remember being subjected to a lot of tests. Men in white coats prodded and poked at me, took blood, and handed me pens while making me fill out standardized forms. They were amazed to discover that my reading and math skills were far beyond others my age. I was exceptionally good with measurements and problem solving, and knew what seemed to them to be an exceptional amount about such wide-ranging areas of knowledge as Scottish history, grains, yeast, certain chemical processes, and how to make a proper Manhattan. They should not have been surprised. My father was an exceptional teacher, and I missed him terrible, and the many hours we sat around a burning sofa discussing the difference between single-malt and blended whiskey. We could talk well into the night, or, at least, until my mother ran in, screamed in horror, and accused us of setting fire to her latest boyfriend.

After seven months, I was released. As I exited the facility, I saw my father and two brothers waiting for me, arms filled with paper bags, paper bags filled with bottles. We walked together to the car, where we found my mother. She had been repeatedly slapping the rear view mirror of the car and accusing it of getting fresh. We all climbed into the car together and, moments later, plunged into Lake Minnetonka. And that's when I knew that this was going to be the greatest summer vacation ever.

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THE ARCHIVE: DARKTOWN HOUSE BAND (1998)

9:55 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
THE SONGS DON'T JUST PLAY. They tumble out of the speakers, stagger to their feet, and rollick out the front door — presumably seeking a wharf to brawl on or a whorehouse to get drunk in.

The Darktown House Band has released a new CD.

“We’re supposed to tell you the name: Hot Tongue and Cold Shoulder,” Bill Hoover told me, “because no one understands what that means.”

Singer/songwriter Bill Hoover has a penchant for natty, battered clothes. They hang off his broad frame, looking well worn. Coupled with his Malcolm X spectacles and dust bowl haircut, it’s no surprise he’s the man behind the voice on his album. His vocals are spare and gruff, straining for — and often missing — the melody of the songs in favor of a passionate howl. “A few people thought that it was a real sexy title,” he related, his speaking voice betraying none of the hoarseness that rises like a dam bursting when he sings. “But ‘hot tongue and cold shoulder’ is what you get served for dinner by your wife when you get in trouble.” He demonstrated the phrase for my benefit: “She’s going to give you hot tongue and cold shoulder for dinner tonight, boy.”

Bill sat in the living room of the house he shares with his wife and longtime bandmate, vocalist Reneé. Fighting a sore throat and temperature, she sat opposite him. Their shared aesthetic clutters their house, filling every spare inch with religious iconography, faded photographs, and their own complex and vibrant artwork. This same art distinguishes the covers of their CDs: odd, round faced figures with circles for cheeks, dining. They are drawn in bold lines, and either seem to slumber or gaze into the air with the same dreamy look associated with absinthe drunks.

Beneath the elegant spirals and filigree of the covers, inside the jewel cases, is a body of music that works as the aural equivalent wandering through the field recordings division of the Library of Congress. Strains of music play in background, as researchers listen in on early bluegrass or prison yells, and whisps of recognizable melodies tease the ear for a moment, then are gone. Was that a sweet fiddle air? Was that booming a horn-driven polka?

Asked to describe his music, Bill and Reneé sat in silence, thinking. “I remember taking French foreign language courses, and they’d have this picture of a rock concert in Czechoslovakia,” Bill recalled, “There’s be these middle aged fat men playing accordion and saxophone and electric guitar. I always thought, God, that’s not rock and roll. But I think that’s what our band is now. Because we’ve got the accordion and the horns and the fat middle-aged men. We’re like a Czechoslovakian rock band.”

“Somebody once said European cabaret,” Reneé suggested. “That’s probably one of the better ways of describing it.”

Probably, if you remember that early European cabaret music drew heavily from American popular music, but wedded it to European instrumentation. A jazz melody would get reworked, the melodies thrown on a torch and brought to a blue sizzle, the arrangements build around bull fiddles, penny whistles, and trombones.

And coursing over the songs is Bill’s lyrics. Whether sung by him in his carnival barker’s rant or by Reneé with her liquid, thick phrasings, they tell stories that seem oddly distanced from time and oddly rich in language. This is not the sort of too-clever lyricism of coffeehouse folkies, nor is it the blunt autobiography of many grunge bands. It’s more like a scrap of poetry found buried beneath a burned out church. Riddled with outdated slang and antique passions, it hints at the entirety of 20th century songwriting.

“I work at a soup kitchen with this salty old ex-fisherman who has done a lot of jail time for civil disobedience,” Bill explained. “He’s got all sorts of these sayings that he would hear in main on the fishing boats, like ‘uglier than a wheelbarrow full of assholes,’ or “that song’s better than a sharp stick in the eye’, ‘don’t be a fishbone in the throat of progress.’” Bill shrugged, as though such an unusual story answered everything. Perhaps it did. His delight at hearing these ancient, abandoned words was evidence. “I would hoard them,” he confessed. These phrases come back to him like ghosts, haunting his house and adding to its clutter.

“I’ve got a drawer in the kitchen filled with scraps of paper with little phrases on it that I hear, and have written them down, and just accumulated them.” Bill said, “What I usually do is pull out a bunch of those scraps of paper and put them down and try to make them sense, or try to come up with a stortyline.”

It is not hard to imagine Bill Hoover behind the counter at a soup kitchen, passing out sandwiches while keeping his ears pricked, listening for a distinct turn of phrase or surprising anecdote. Some might frown at this, accusing Bill of acting as a social dilettante, slumming among the truly desperate to borrow their experiences for his mostly middle-class audience. It’s the exact accusation that was leveled against the college kids who delighted in American folk music in the ’60s. The middle-class, goes the theory, always rebels by seizing the affectations of the poor.

Bill has obviously bandied these thoughts around in his own head. “When you’re around people who are struggling, they’re just like you,” he insisted. “They’re not saints, they’re not totally sinners, they just made bad choices or had a bad environment. The compassion is where you can see, ‘well, that could be me.’ Not, ‘I’m going to change this person to become a better person.’ I’m going to be around this population because they have something to offer that I can learn from, and maybe I have a little something to offer too.’”

“It’s a real lesson,” he confessed “when you first start working in the soup kitchen, that people aren’t going to be patting you on the back and thanking you profusely, and saying, ‘Gosh, I’m really going to change my life.’ You redefine what you’re there for. You’re not there to make people productive citizens in this weird culture, but it’s about spending time — whatever that means. Listening. Giving a bowl of soup. Just that one day, making that part of their lives just a little easier.”

And there’s a second theory, one less critical of college kids who like folk music and of songwriters like Bill who all draw from the murky well of American music. That theory proposes that artists must take responsibility for creating more than morbid self-reflectivity, obsessive autobiographing. They must responsible for seeking out stories of worth that otherwise would not be told, and make them public. Those with privilege are responsible for being the documentarians of all culture, not just their own limited experiences. They must look outside themselves, they must look elsewhere. Bill Hoover looks to the soup kitchen.

“I’m not affecting a huge change, I had to figure out another reason why I’m going to spend a lot of time here,” Bill said. “Well, get out your little scraps of notebook, write down little stories that you hear. I would never have experienced in my life all the violence, the cutting anecdotes. Not too cheapen it, or to be a voyeur, or to live vicariously. But to be a piece of film that gets treated on, you’ve just taken a lot of exposures.”

If Bill looks to the soup kitchen for the subject of his songs, he looks to his band for their substance. From his first, self-released tape (Baby, Don’t B Messing With Those Arabs In My Heads), Bill has undergone a complex musical evolution as a songwriter. He credits the remainder of the band (Kate Williams, Bunny Geist, Joe Kobjerowski, and Angelina Mullikin) with much of this. “I wish you could talk to them,” he said, clearly regretful. “Katie’s a big nymphomaniac, Bunny’s a dope fiend, Joe is a Klepto . . . Those guys are where the real action is.”

Failing that, Reneé proved willing to lay her claim to the band’s current sound: “I think a lot of the changes from the first record until now came after we met, because he started to listen to my records. I worked in record stores for 12 years, and I have all kinds of music, so I had things that he had never heard before. He’d write a song later on, and I’d think, ‘hey, I’ve heard that song somewhere.’”

“Reneé has influenced me a lot,” Bill agreed. “She has a lot of records: Etta James, Billie May, Anita O’Day. I think exposure to that was a challenge to do something totally different from anything we had previously put out. Renee has this book of torch songs, ballads, and I was looking through it this one day and it has all these chords — jazz chords, or, really, ragtime chords. It was like a whole new world.”

This new world includes a broadening of their fan base, to use an industry term. But using such a modern term seems out of place when discussing a band so ardently vintage. It is hard to imagine Bill, in his oddly-fitting clothes and Quaker smile, sitting alongside Reneé, who might be clutching a massive standing bass, both sitting opposite a music industry lawyer and discussing the international release clauses in their 10-year contract. Both Bill and Reneé similarly seemed to have trouble wrapping their collective thoughts around mainstream success.

“We’ve never really been approached by anyone to make it big,” Bill said, finally. “For me that’s just as well. I think that can sometimes get in the way. Because if you have a success with a song and an outside party says ‘tracks number two, five and seven are really good,’ your next records going to be all songs like two, five and seven. No one’s ever come up to us and said, ‘Gosh, tracks eight, eleven and thirteen, just keep writing songs like that.’”

After a moment, he added, “You should treat success and failure like the impostors they are.”

After performing in Omaha for half a decade, both have seen young bands carried away by the excitement of their budding success, mistaking that for a certainty that their futures were golden. Many of these bands broke up within a year of forming. It seems the Darktown House Band might have entertained some of these fantasies as well.

“I think that there should be a support group in town for bands that almost make it,” Bill declared. “That would meet every Thursday, and the room would be full, and we would probably be there too.”

Reneé frowned at this, less certain. She talked about major label contracts and obligations with a audible distrust, a distinct repulsion. “I don’t want anybody to say ‘you’re in contract,” she said, grimacing as though actually tasting the words, then continuing: “‘ you have to have a new record out by this time and this time, and you have to go on tour, and the you have to go on tour and blah blah blah blah blah.’”

Reneé looked around her house, overflowing as it was with their knick-knacks and Christmas lights. “For me and for Bill, we have our home and our kittens and our jobs.” She said, “We’re like the old married couple.”

Leaving the two, it was easy to imagine them spending the remainder of the evening stringing up new Halloween decorations (their favorite holiday, and their anniversary) as they hummed their own songs under their own breath. An old married couple, celebrating an old holiday, humming old songs.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE WEDDING SINGER (1998)

8:55 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
JUST AS there is only one Tom Cruise movie (hotshot learns life lesson, becomes bigger but more humble hotshot), Adam Sandler seems to be developing a certain uniformity in characterization from movie to movie: He’s sweetly romantic, but with a terrible temper; he’s nice to women and unpopular children; he’s a lovable loser whose passion for one thing eventually pays off. Although set in 1985, The Wedding Singer is made from the same stuff as Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, but with easy jokes about ‘80s culture and style filling in for the inspired lunacy of these earlier films.

Perhaps this is why, but for one surreal moment when Sandler loses sanity at a wedding (barking “I hate you” to the bride and groom and leading the wedding guests in a savage rendition of “Love Stinks”), he all but mopes through this entire film. He’s had his heart broken, you see, and it’s turned inward into sorrow instead of outward into anger — a pity, as Sandler has a genius for comic raging. Drew Barrymore, in comparison, virtually glows as the object of his romantic affections. It’s a lovely performance from her as she balances out wildly inconsistent feelings about her chump fiance and her new love in a role far more carefully written than one would expect. Usually the girlfriend roles are just pretty cardboard (they have been in all of Sandler’s past films), but almost minute detail is paid to Barrymore, and each new emotion from her plays out on her face like a second, better movie.

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THE ARCHIVE: SALVADOR DALI (1998)

8:38 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

IN NOVEMBER OF 1954, Salvador Dalí sat for a series of portraits by Philippe Halsman. Halsman, with 101 Life covers to his credit, had a reputation both for his European good manners and his strange sense of humor. He had previously collaborated with Dalí on a portrait that Halsman called “Dalí Atomicus,” consisting of the artist, his easel, his furniture, a tossed bucket of water and his cats floating strangely in the air. This portrait had been laborious to create, requiring numerous assistants to throw each object into the air on Halsman’s cue. After several dozen takes, the cats were soaked and irritable. Dalí, however, adored the image.

Halsman wanted to focus on Dalí’s mustache for the new series of portraits. “With the death of Kaiser Wilhelm, Hitler and Stalin, with Chaplin’s withdrawal from the screen. The era of great mustaches seemed to have come to an end,” Halsman wrote. “A desolate, whiskerless vacuum followed.”

Having noticed that Dalí’s mustache had now grown to meet his eyebrows, Halsman declared it “the great mustache of our times.”

Halsman spent several weeks shaping Dalí’s mustache, forcing it through Swiss cheese or hanging items from it, and manipulating the resulting photographs until he had completed a series of portraits. Dalí's mustache — and the man behind it — had become a celebrity.

Dalí and Halsman shared a love of Freud. Halsman thought of himself as something of a psychoanalyst, using his camera to strip away his subjects’ masks and reveal their hidden interiors. In one photographic session, he and two of his assistants backed Marilyn Monroe into a corner and took turns flattering her and making suggestive comments. Over an hour or so, Halsman photographed her responses, creating a portrait of Monroe that displayed both her fragility and her boundless sexuality. In the photograph, she leans forward from the wall, eyes half-closed, mouth open slightly, pouting. Her stance seems to suggest both desire and concession, as though Monroe had abandoned herself to the men photographing her. Unable to escape either their camera or their sexual innuendos, she had given in to both in a display of thrilling passivity.

Famous though this image might be, revealing a moment of sexual surrender that would have delighted the Marquis De Sade, we cannot know if Halsman had uncovered anything new about Monroe. Despite his psychoanalytical pretensions, Halsman was more a publicist than an analyst; The Monroe in his photograph was exactly the Monroe the public expected, and very likely the image that Monroe wanted. She had mastered her own public image, and controlled it with near ferocity. It was not Halsman who, with his photograph, discovered that Monroe was De Sade’s Justine — eternally naive, eternally experimental, eternally erotic. Monroe had always been those things for photographers, and would be again.

Likewise, despite such camera trickery as inserting Dalí’s face into a melting watch from “The Persistence of Memory,” Halsman’s portraits of Dalí reveal very little about the man. The photographs were a collaboration between the two men, with Halsman asking impertinent questions (“Confidentially, aren’t you an extroverted exhibitionist?”) and Dalí responding with equally impertinent answers (“Nonsense, I am an ingrown introvert”). The two would then concoct a photograph to dramatize their exchange; for example the photograph accompanying the preceding parenthetical exchange has Dalí’s mustache curling up into his nostrils. Had some previously hidden aspect of Dalí been reveled by this process? Hardly, although it made for a witty photograph.

Dalí’s collaboration with Halsman produced a charming, instantly popular book called Dalí’s Mustache. It was an easy, audience-friendly piece of surrealism, and a precursor to Andy Warhol’s experiments with pop art. Warhol would abandon the pretense of psychological depth found throughout Dalí’s Mustache, instead opting for a public persona that was meticulously shallow. But, like Dalí, he shared a fascination with the artist as a celebrity and, again like Dalí, he was adept at manipulating the media.

George Orwell hated Dalí. In 1946, he published an essay titled “Benefit of Clergy: Some Notes on Salvador Dalí,” reviewing the artists’ recently published autobiography The Secret Life of Salvador Dalí. “It is a book that stinks,” Orwell wrote. “If it were possible for a book to give a physical stink off its pages, this one would.”

Orwell was both horrified by Dalí’s artwork, which seemed to him to contain all manner of sexual perversity, and by Dalí’s life. Intensely political, Orwell balked at Dalí’s pronouncements about politics (at first apolitical, Dalí would eventually declare himself to be in favor of monarchy), his religious affiliations (Dalí’s work, in his later years, would come to be dominated by Catholic imagery), and his history (Orwell had participated in the Spanish Civil War, while Dalí fled the country). Most of all, Orwell was horrified at Dalí’s love of the grotesque. While conceding that much of Dalí’s autobiography might be fiction, he nevertheless was outraged by Dalí’s frequent descriptions of physical and psychological violence — for example, Dalí claims to have discovered a bat swarming with ants when he was a child. Seized by an uncontrollable impulse, Dalí bit the animal nearly in half. “If you say that Dalí, though a brilliant draftsman, is a dirty little scoundrel,” Orwell wrote in frustration, “you are looked upon as a savage.”

Orwell had little background in surrealism, and even less in Freud. But unlike Orwell, unlike Halsman, even unlike the surrealists, Dalí understood Freud. While the surrealists seemed to limit their obsession of Freud to his theories about the unconscious mind, using madness as a metaphor for artistic liberation, Dalí investigated the writings of Sigmund Freud with an artistic fervor that left his fellow artists a little unnerved. While they toyed with automatic writing and dream images for inspiration, Dalí used his mastery of classic artistic techniques to crack open his psyche with a realism that was dumbfounding. The painted canvas, traditionally a tricky medium for the expression of complex ideas, overflowed with savage, intellectually rich imagery when Dalí was at work. Of Dalí, Freud himself wrote, “Until now, I have been inclined to regard the Surrealists, who have apparently adopted me as their patron saint, as complete fools (let us say 95%, as with alcohol.)” But Dalí had struck Freud differently. “That young Spaniard, with his candid, fanatical eyes and his undeniable technical mastery has changed my estimate. It would indeed be interesting to investigate analytically how he came to create that picture . . .”

It is not certain which picture Freud refers to, but any of Dalí’s early works could have provoked such a reaction. Dalí’s artistic approach, which he called the “paranoiac-critical” technique, was dense with Freud. Dalí had a deeper understanding of paranoia than has entered into popular culture — he viewed it as an intelligent, active madness, where the paranoiac relentlessly seeks unrelated events to bind together into a single obsession.

“The only difference between myself an a madman,” Dalí wrote, “is that I am not mad.” As flippant as this comment might sound, in the context of his artistic approach it made sense. Dalí attempted to use the intelligence of a paranoiac to investigate his own soul, and as a result his paintings became thick with images that contained double meaning, as well as images that — viewed from a distance or another angle — turned into a second image. He drew ceaselessly from his surrounding, incorporating a variety of sources into his work. One painting might contain autobiographical references, images from art history, images stolen from surrealist poetry, even images drawn from the world surrounding Dalí — such as eroticized images of Adolph Hitler.

And it was here that Dalí started to get into trouble.

As much as Dalí understood the internal, unconscious world, he had very little grasp of anything beyond that. His confusion concerning money is legendary. As a child he would exchange large sums of money for smaller sums, believing he had found a method to make himself wealthy (even as an adult he believed that $500 worth of small bills was worth more than one $1,000 bill. His response to dire economic conditions was to “tip more.”)

The whole waking world seemed obscure to him, as just more fodder for his subconscious. Hitler, for example, existed less as a real man than as a recurring, dreamlike image, and his exploration of this image led to his break with the Surrealist movement in 1939.

The painting was called “The Enigma of Hitler,” and recast Hitler as a nurse seated in a puddle of water. Dalí defended his fascination with Adolph Hitler, saying the Fuhrer’s “fat back, especially when I saw him appear in the uniform with a Sam Browne belt and shoulder straps that tightly held in his flesh, aroused in me a delicious gustatory thrill . . . I often dreamed of Hitler as a woman.”

For the remainder of the Surrealist movement, Hitler was something more than a perverse psychological fetish. Led by Andre Breton, Surrealism had become suffused with Marxism. This was a bad fit, as the surrealist sought the abandonment of reason while Marxists prided themselves on their rationalism, but both sought a complete overthrow of the status quo. But the introduction of Marx into this artistic movement had begun to press at its already overstuffed fabric of romantic art, occult science and psychotherapy, and the seams of the movement were near bursting.

Dalí had been quickly embraced by the Surrealists, who respected his artistic skills and envied his powerful intellect, but Dalí remained iconoclastic even in a community of iconoclasts. He rejected their use of automatic writing and collective improvisation early on, and while the movement’s preferences lay completely within the romantic movement, Dalí began to fancy himself something of a neoclassicist. He spent much of his time, not with the theorists who made up the core of the movement, but instead with the so-called “fellow-travelers” of the Surrealist movement — artists whose approaches and philosophies linked them with Surrealism but remained distinct enough that they weren’t accepted by the movement. Despite attempts at reconciliation, the fellows travelers grew alienated from Surrealism, and a wide split developed.

This split was exacerbated by the Surrealist movement's reaction to Dalí’s portrait of Hitler: they took him to trial. “Dalí having been found guilty on several occasions of counter-revolutionary actions involving the glorification of Hitlerian fascism, the undersigned propose . . . that he be excluded from Surrealism as a fascist and combated by all available means,” read a flier circulated before the trial. It hadn’t helped that Dalí had painted a grotesque image of Lenin, with one buttock hideously elongated and supported by a crutch. Neither did it help that Dalí had told a friend, apparently in all seriousness, that whites must join together against darker-colored people.

The trial was a travesty. Dalí, suffering a fever, showed up swaddled in clothes and sucking on a thermometer. Through the course of the event, he obsessed over his temperature, removing or adding clothes to as he overheated or became cold. When he was called on to testify, he refused to remove the thermometer, making his testimony incomprehensible. This was probably for the best, as he told Andre Breton in his defense, “if tonight I dream I am screwing you, tomorrow morning I will paint all of our best fucking positions with the greatest wealth of detail.”

Breton demanded Dalí renounce his ideas about Hitler and swear he was no enemy of the proletarian. Dalí did so, but afterward there would be little to connect him to Surrealism. The artistic movement rapidly deteriorated, and Dalí himself turned increasingly to science for his inspiration. By the end of his life, his art was firmly in the classic tradition, with dashes of pop art and abstract expressionism tossed in for good measure. By the time Halsman photographed him, his most influential artistic achievements lay long behind him. Publicly he was most completely associated with a melted watch, and his participation in the creation of Luis Bunuel’s first two films (Un Chien Andalou and La Age d’Or) were almost forgotten in favor of a few incomplete discussions with Walt Disney and Dalí’s design for a dream sequence in a film by Alfred Hitchcock. Although Halsman ends Dalí’s Mustache with a bland, badly informed discussion of Surrealism, Dalí had long ago stopped being a Surrealist and the movement had ceased to be contemporary.

Halsman was not interested in Dalí as an artist, however. None of the images in their first collaboration, “Dalí Atomica,” came from Dalí’s life or art. Floating cats and furniture do not appear in his paintings, but for Halsman it worked as an easy, humorous shorthand for Surrealism. “A Raphael sought harmony; a surrealist tries to disturb,” Halsman wrote in the postscript to Dalí’s Mustache, explaining that surrealism uses a deliberately subconscious method of creating art. “If you wince, it is proof positive that he has scored a direct hit on you libido.”

It did not matter to Halsman that this was a simplified vision of Surrealism. Neither did it matter that this discussion was unimportant. Dalí had long ago declared of himself, “I am surrealism,” and that was enough for Halsman to build from. He took pleasure in goofily off-kilter pictures (such as his later photograph of Richard Nixon, in which he instructed the then-vice president to “jump”), and with Dalí’s help his was able to create dozens of them.

Halsman was obsessed with fame. His photographs for the cover of Life included Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, Louis Armstrong, and a picture of Janet Leigh with 11 fezzes propped on her head (among his more usual photos of twin debutantes and “bubble bath girls”), and he had a powerful eye for images. In an America that was becoming increasingly obsessed with the celebrity, he was the perfect photographer (in 1958 Popular Photography Magazine voted him among the 10 greatest living photographers), as he was able to create unusual, instantly recognizable images from the easy anonymity of the human face. He made those faces indelible, unforgettable, even when the subjects of the portrait would eventually slip out of the public eye (we’ll never remember the models for “Tricky Beach Towels,” but the image retains its fascination).

With celebrities, Halsman could take this a step further. The public owns a shared knowledge of a celebrity, and Halsman played on that, toying with our sense of knowing and expanding it. With comics, he frequently placed them against a bold white background. He would talk endlessly with his subjects, tossing out offhand questions and photographing their responses, and with the comics this frequently produced both a humorous image and a surprising sense of fragility.

Dalí was Halsman’s perfect subject. The public understood that he was a Surrealist, and understood that he was shocking. They needed to understand no more, and Halsman explored nothing more. “Warning,” reads the back of Dalí’s Mustache, “This book is preposterous.” Preposterous, yes. Surreal — no, and neither is it a biographical exploration of Dalí.

It does not matter, though. Dalí, while continuing to make complex, personal paintings, loved his status as a celebrity and exploited it for the remainder of his life. He would appear in television commercials and public lectures, portraying an oversized caricature of his public persona — a persona Halsman had helped him create.

Dalí’s last photographs from the 1970s are difficult to look at. An old man, he had been severely burned in a house fire and his health had deteriorated. Additionally, he had developed a psychological aversion to swallowing, and so was fed by a plastic tube that was inserted through his nose, and he wore this tube all the time. Fragile and terrified, these photographs seem to peer farther into Dalí’s soul than Halsman ever approached. This is the Dalí of the real world, wracked by pain and facing death. But this was a world Dalí did not understand well, and he was a man of endless self-invention. In the end, the photograph that Dalí selected as representing him best was one of Halsman’s: the artist’s face, photographed from an angle and then paired with a mirror image of itself. It has turned cyclopean as a result, with once eye suspended above a bulbous nose that seems to hang in the air. It is an image entirely separated from nature. The publisher notes of this image that “the mayor of Malaga, Spain. asked him for permission to build a statue of him, Dalí gave this picture as the model to be used. A three-dimensional effigy was built, 30 feet high, and then burned . . . in honor of St. Macarius.”

Dalí, whose real face would eventually be burnt in a very different fire, must have seen this and been delighted by it. There, in Spain, to a Saint, Halsman’s image of his face was devoured by flame.

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THE ARCHIVE: FLAMENCO PASSION AND SOUL (1998)

8:24 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
Flamenco Passion & Soul/Pasion y Duende
Gino D’Auri (World Class)


An exquisite promenade through some of flamenco’s lesser-known corridors, Paison y Duende showcases guitarist Gino D’Auri’s extraordinary craftsmanship.

From the Cuban influence of “Ida y Vuelta” to the Sephardic Jewish influence of the title track, D’Auri explores the slower and more unusual influences in Spanish gypsy music. With minimal orchestration (usually consisting of nothing more than hand claps and a cello), the guitar comes to the forefront, and in D’Auri’s hands it has an almost human voice, sighing and moaning. This is already an expressive musical style, and by focusing on melody (rather than the torrent of staccato notes that dominates much contemporary recorded flamenco) he’s able to expand its expressiveness — “Galicia Flamenca,” for example, is heartbreaking.

This is not to say D’Auri isn’t capable of instrumental fireworks; he opens with “Barrio San Miguel,” in the Bulerias style. This, the liner notes inform us, is one of the most complicated flamenco rhythms — a note which will surprise nobody who has heard the song, with its dizzying tempo changes and complex polyrhythms. It hardly seems possible a guitar would be capable of these noises, this explosion of tonal colors.

Recorded on Steven Hill’s World Class label, which specializes in modern explorations of traditional music, it’s easy to worry that this is more Music from the Hearts of Space folk-derived ambient noise. Instead, it’s a passionate vision of flamenco’s roots and potential, the exact reason world music is so contemporary and so important.

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THE ARCHIVE: MARIACHI (1998)

7:41 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
“MEXICO was a nightmare,” Bill Murray sighs, playing Bunny Breckenridge in the film Ed Wood. “I don’t know if I would have made it without the help of these men.” He gestures, and the camera pans right, revealing a quartet of toothy Mexicans in spangled charros and huge sombreros. They nod, then raise up their instruments (trumpet, violin, guitar, bass) and begin to play — it’s mariachi, of course, and of all the music of Mexico (sones, rancheros, bandas), none seems to verge as fully on self-parody.

Yearning, sentimental, costumed, the mariachi ranks with the jumping bean and the hat dance in most gringos’ minds as an example of the spectacular tackiness of the indigenous culture of our neighbors across the border. It’s mariachi-styled music that plays throughout Three Amigos, and it’s their uniforms our dundering heroes (Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Martin Short) affect. Likewise, the animation studios of Warner Brothers and Hannah Barbara had a habit of tossing mariachi strings and horns behind the hijinx of Speedy Gonzales and El Kabong. The music has seeped into our consciousness along with velvet paintings of bullfights and the cover for Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass Band’s Whipped Cream and Other Delights, as the U.S.’s own, cocktail-fueled take on internationalism. For us, mariachi belongs in the CD collection between the belly dance music and the Les Baxter’s Hawaiian exotica.

How different this is from the sweet, celebratory mariachi music that seemed forever in the air when I lived in Los Angeles. It poured out of the trunks of huge, lowridden ’60s-era Cadillacs during tailgate parties; it found its language in full-throated singers on Olvera Street; it drifted from the doorways of psychics and bakeries. Signs posted along Sunset Boulevard promised a full weekend of mariachi music, three days and 100 bands, at the Hollywood bowl.

Who could possibly listen to that much mariachi? It certainly wasn’t limited to recent immigrants, yearning for their lost pasts — second and third generation Mexican Americans drank it up, adoring the music they sometimes couldn’t understand. On Cinco de Mayo and The Day of the Dead, wandering bands of mariachis roamed the streets of East Los Angeles, taking their pay for each song requested, and making a fortune. The relationship these Angelino Chicanos had with mariachi was clearly richer and more involved than the dominant culture would suspect. There was no hint of embarrassment, no signs of shame, nothing but the joyous oompa oompa and blaring horns of the music itself.

Marachi has its origins in Mexico’s Jalistco state, where it originated as wedding music (its name may be a corruption of the French word mariage). It quickly moved to national popularity, and has held its own against waves of popular music that have taken turns dominating the Mexican airwaves. The bands frequently play at bars and saloons, and since their pay depends on their ability to play virtually any song on request, most mariachi bands play a dizzying array of songs. These range from cumbias to ballads, and incorporate such European influences as polkas and waltzes. Despite the cheery arrangements, mariachi lyrics (often drawing from the mournful songs of migrant farm workers and ranch hands) can be pretty dour. It’s hard to tell, except from context, whether the high pitched ay yai yai which often punctuates the songs is celebratory or grieving. In the end, it probably doesn’t matter. The music serves as a clearinghouse for the music and history of its makers, and we should not be surprised that it’s still embraced as one of Mexico’s national treasures.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE BOY WHO WOULDN'T SLEEP (1998)

7:30 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

WRITTEN BY Simon Joyner, illustrated by Bill and Reneé Hoover, and bound locally by Amy LaVarnway at the UNO Fine Book Center, The Boy Who Wouldn’t Sleep is perhaps the most self-reflexive bedtime story ever told. Centering around a squirrely ragamuffin (rendered with rosy cheeks, round features and a sweet expression by the Hoovers in their signature bold lines), the book describes in painstaking detail the frustrated attempts by the boy’s parents to get him to sleep. Joyner tells this story in a spare, unadorned poetic style. “Across this side of the earth, the world was busy blowing a shimmering hush over nearly everything,” Joyner writes at the start of the book, introducing the text with the sweetest set of words since A Child’s Garden of Verses.

Joyner has the boy’s harried father turn to bedtime stories to solve the problem, pulling from their bookshelf no less that The Boy Who Wouldn’t Sleep itself. “Oh, it’s just a dusty old book whose spine needs some mending,” the father explains, “I must have read it ninety-nine times, but never the ending.”

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THE ARCHIVE: INDIGENOUS (1998)

7:20 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
INDIGENOUS frontman Mato Nanji is a hard interview subject.

I had been warned. Calling Rick Galusha, Vice-President of Homer’s Music Stores and host of KIWR-The River’s Pacific Street Blues radio program, he told me Mato is “a really hard guy to interview. He has no stretching ego.”

“Rock and Roll is a confidence game,” Galusha continued, “and a lot of times being a big mouth — people interpret that as confidence. But when this band gets up to play, they’re soft-spoken.”

Soft-spoken indeed. Friendly and honest, Mato nonetheless has a habit of answer questions as briefly and succinctly as possible. For example, in answer to a question about a recent loss of equipment in Kansas City, Mato described the incident thusly:

“We stayed at a motel, and when we woke up the next day we got a phone call telling us someone had broken into our van and our equipment had been stolen.”

Did you ever get it back?

“No,” and then a laugh. “No, we never got it back.”

Galusha had recommended I ask Mato about his family. Indigenous is, after all, made up of his brother Pte on bass, sister Wanbdi on drums, and cousin Horse on percussion. Mato learned guitar from his father, Greg Zephier, who was a member of The Vanishing Americans in the ’60s and ’70s. Mato’s mother had suggested the name for the band.

“Ah, I didn’t even know what ‘Indigenous’ meant,” Mato explained briefly, “but I liked the way it sounded. I went to the dictionary to look it up, and it stuck.”

Indigenous started out in the basement of Greg Zephier’s house, located on the Yankton Indian Reservation in South Dakota. Zephier was then (and remains) a member of AIM, the American Indian Movement. AIM had its roots in the various civil rights movements of the ’60s, and acquired national recognition after a 1973 standoff against U.S. armed forces at Wounded Knee. They were also responsible for the establishment of a number of “Survival Schools” — private schools for Native Americans between kindergarten and 12th grade, intended to address the high dropout rate among Native American students.

“Yeah,” Mato recalled. “That stuff was all around me growing up. We used to travel to different cities all the time for conferences. I didn’t even know what was going on.”

Additionally, Mato is the great grandson of Ponca Chief Standing Bear, after whom he is named. “My mother told me about him,” Mato commented, “about how he was a great chief. About how he stood up to the government and won.”

Chief Standing Bear, for whom a bridge on the Niobrara will soon be named, refused resettlement in Northern Oklahoma and with 30 other Ponca tribesmen returned to his native Nebraska. With the help of a reporter for the World-Herald named Thomas Tibbles, Standing Bear successfully petitioned the United States government, arguing that as a person and a citizen he was entitled to equal rights under the Constitution, including the right to travel freely and live where he chose. The legal decision by Judge Elmer Dundy significantly expanded the rights of Indians in the United States, and Standing Bear remained at his birthplace on the Niobrara until his death in 1908.

With this background, and with a name like Indigenous, it would be simple to suspect that Mato and his bandmates stress their heritage in their music. But Mato dismisses this as too easy an assumption. “We don’t have to prove to anyone that we’re Indians,” he explained. “With any musicians their background is going to go into the music they make.”

So you don’t try to emphasize your Native roots?

“No.”

You’re simply trying to make good music?

“Yes.”

Good music. It is this emphasis that has caused Indigenous’ reputation to extend far beyond them, making fans of such luminaries as Bonnie Raitt, Jackson Browne, Big Head Todd, and the Indigo Girls. Mato plays lead guitar well, so well that he invites comparisons with Jimi Hendrex and Stevie Ray Vaughn. “Mato’s guitar-playing,” Galusha explained, “while technically exciting, is emotionally based. It’s exhilarating because every solo is different.” Rooted in deceptively simple blues arrangements, his guitar-playing simultaneously anchors each song’s melodies and soars above them.

Mato’s deep, resonant singing voice invites further comparison’s with Vaughn. Zoo Bar owner Larry Boehmer, quoted in a July issue of the Lincoln Journal Star, reported his reaction to hearing Indigenous on the radio: “There have been times when I’ve had to tell myself, “it’s either a new Stevie Ray Vaughn song I’ve never heard, or it’s Indigenous.’”

“They are — literally — poised to become quite a big band,” Galusha gushed. His enthusiasm found its roots in the band’s new CD release, Things We Do. Their first national release, and the first from Pachyderm Records, serves as a terrific introduction to the band. “I don’t know how long it took to record it,” Mato confessed. “We toured for a while, then recorded, then toured some more.”

Eventually they produced 12 songs, with 10 of these written entirely by Mato. He bears all the earmarks of a good novice singer/songwriter. He writes clear, direct songs, with earnest lyrics and strong melodies. His lyrics are sometimes muddy, perhaps owing to his youth (he just turned 24), but he’s often capable of building a concrete images with his writing. That talent will serve him well in coming years, as his talents continue to broaden and deepen. One gets a sense in talking with Mato that songwriting is still a developing skill for him, that he hasn’t fully explored its edges. Asked how he writes songs, or what they mean, he fumbled for a clear answer — a surprise from this direct, clear-speaking young man. “They could mean a lot of things,” he said elusively. “I just sit down in a room and write them.”

It is this mixture of established skills and exciting potential that attracted Mason Munoz, owner of the Minnesota-based Pachyderm Studio, where he recorded Live, Nirvana, PJ Harvey and Soul Asylum. Looking to form his own label, Munoz felt Indigenous was a natural. Quoted in an August article in Billboard, Munoz said, “I went out and saw the band and was just slack-jawed. That’s when we started aggressively chasing them.”

Local radio station Z-92 has already added the new release to their rotation, a move that prompted Galusha to applaud them “for having the courage in such a competitive market to step out and add the record.” But Indigenous has already developed a sizable local following. They played some of their first acts in Omaha-area bars, when the band members were still so young that “bar owners asked us to stay on stage or go out into the alley” between sets, according to Mato.

“Omaha has kind of adopted them,” Galusha explained, “and they’ve adopted Omaha as the center for their operations. They’ve proved that a band can stay in the area and be very successful, and it would be great if other bands could follow that example.”

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I'M JUST A BAD BOY, A FAKE MEMOIR: THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

12:45 AM Reporter: Max Sparber 3 Responses

MAY 8, 2011

THEY NEVER IMAGINED the Zombie Apocalypse would be like this. I mean, they got some of the details right. There are, indeed, small groups of poorly armed survivors defending themselves against the cannibalistic undead. We are holed up in whatever buildings offer protection, including shopping malls and high-rise apartment complexes. And, for those of us who have managed to survive this long -- and it has only been a few weeks -- the outcome of all this seems hopeless. The governments of the world have fallen. The food is running out. Ammo is running out. Every few days we lose another survivor. They got all this right.

But they missed something, and of course they did, because it is so bizarre that they could not possibly predict it. How could they have foreseen that the only survivors of the apocalypse would be musical theater people? When the plague came, and people started dying, there seemed no logic behind who lived and who died. But as the casualties rose, and, later, as the dead began to climb out of their graves, the bands of survivors could not help but notice what seemed like impossible coincidences. One survivor would know another from a community theater production of Oliver! Two teenagers in Cats sweatshirts would discover their aged high school drama coach, still alive despite having lost his entire family to the plague. An entire touring production of Mama Mia lived through the plague, still performing the songs of ABBA even as their audiences died before their eyes. Later, they managed to hold off an entire army of the undead by sealing themselves in a gay bar in downtown Omaha.

Nobody can really explain why the plague passed us over. After all, we're all theater people, not scientists. There are theories, of course. Some say that there may be something in greasepaint that worked as an antidote to the plague, but it's hard to take such a theory seriously. Firstly, those that propound it call the greasepaint an anecdote, rather than an antidote, and seem confused about the difference when you correct them. Secondly, non-musical theater people perished -- just last week we had to battle the entire cast of a Hot L Baltimore revival. The greasepaint did not protect them. Thirdly, a number of playwrights and musical directors survived, including myself (I authored the stage adaptation of Black Elk Speaks, titled Black Elk Sings!), and many of us have done no acting whatsoever. We playwrights have been the first to point out that the greasepaint theory doesn't make much sense, but our protestations have been met with anger. Proponents of the theory have claimed that they were just putting an idea out there, and we didn't have to just go and shoot it down. Then they have stormed away, crying, some retiring to another room to blast Erasure and dance out their frustration. This, of course, puts us in further danger, as the music inevitably attracts another group of zombies, so we've mutually decided we shall not discuss possible causes of the Zombie Apocalypse.

There are 30 of us now, down from 80, all packed together in the bunker-like basement of the Guthrie Theater in downtown Minneapolis. We have guns, thanks to a stage combat choreographer named Phillip Donner, now deceased. He was the first to realize what was going on and fortify the theater, and he owned quite an arsenal of reproduction blackpowder muskets, blunderbusses, flintlock rifles, and pepperbox revolvers. He also possessed a dazzling selection of swords and daggers, some designed to retract into their handles, providing an excellent illusion that the blade had plunged into its victim, and, unfortunately causing the death of three from our group.

We have food as well. Phillip Donner, when he was fortifying the theater, took it upon himself to call a catering company called Smacking Lips and have them drop off enough trays of finger food to feed an army. The artistic director of the Guthrie, upon discovering this, was furious at Donner, and so they fought and both died, and later, when both returned from the dead, were dispatched by musket balls to the head. But thanks to Donner's foresight, those of us in the basement of the Guthrie have been able to subsist on a steady diet of cheese, crackers, vegetables dipped in Ranch dressing, and something that we think might be made from eggplant. But we lost the electricity a few days ago, and the refrigerators have begun to defrost. Now, our crackers seem soggy, and the cheese seems to be sweating. We do not know how long it will be before the food is inedible. We are, after all, theater people, not dieticians.

And so I have started this journal. I am pessimistic that we shall survive for long. I do not know if there will be anything left of humanity in the years to come. Perhaps some other species will rise to dominance, and will read this journal, and know what became of humanity. Perhaps bears. Or dogs. I can't really guess what sort of animal might inherit the earth. I am, after all, a musical theater person, not a guy who works in the zoo.

May 9

When the actors are scared, and they often are, they quietly sing showtunes, mostly Stephen Sondheim. I now fear that the last thing I hear in this world will be selections from Sunday in the Park with George, and I don't think I could bear that. Gershwin or Cole Porter, yes. I think I could even smile as the sea of clutching hands and teeth were coming at me, so long as we were all singing "Miss Otis Regrets."

It could be worse, I suppose. There was one in our group, a teenage boy named Andrew, who was obsessed with the soundtrack to High School Musical. He went crazy on the second day when he saw the zombie corpse of his mother. He ran into the street and seized her hand, oblivious to the fact that she was a zombie, and attempted to drag her into the building behind him. She bit off two of his fingers, and then we killed them both in a volley of musket shots. Nobody would say that they had shot him; all claimed to be aiming for his mother.

I shot him.

May 15

So many dead.

The food went bad a few days ago. We tried to make due by eating the costumes from 1776, but we quickly realized that tanned leather would not sustain us. A music director who had been going quietly mad crept into a dressing room one night and ate five containers of lipstick. He died the next day in terrible agony, his mouth and chin smeared crimson as though dripping with blood. We beheaded him to make certain he would no return. Then we discussed eating him, but the thought of doing so was so repulsive to many of the survivors that they began to weep and embrace each other. Something of a bisexual orgy resulted.

This morning, we came up with a desperate plan. Just a few blocks down from the Guthrie is a Dunn Brothers coffee shop. In fact, wherever you are in Minneapolis, you are just a few blocks from a Dunn Brothers coffee shop. We decided that we would attempt to make it there and stock up on supplies. I argued that we should instead be going to one of the restaurants on the same block as the Guthrie, but was shouted down. Others among the survivors had eaten at those restaurants, and insisted the coffee was terrible.

Our plan was that a large group of us would act as decoys, opening the front door to the Guthrie and calling for the zombies. When they lumbered toward us, a second group, made up of professional dancers, would run across the skyway to the Guthrie's parking lot and hopefully emerge into the street unnoticed. At that moment, we would seal the doors to the Guthrie again. When they were finished, they would fire a single shot from a blunderbuss, and that would be our cue to repeat the process and give them a chance to get back safely.

At first, it all went exactly according to plan. There were, at this time, several hundred zombie staggering around on South 2nd Street and Washington Avenue, and we did what we could to attract them, beating on the ground and walls with brooms and metal poles and garbage cans. The noises brought the zombies, and, over our heads, the dancers fled across the skyway. As soon as the shambling corpses got near to us, we shut the doors. And here's where things went wrong.

Inside the theater, the survivors excitedly discussed the various rhythms they had created with their makeshift noisemakers. They continued to beat the floors and walls, creating complex syncopation, some of them dancing, some of them suggesting additional rhythms they remembered from a touring production of Stomp. One ran upstairs to get silverware and empty bottles to beat on. In our excitement, we completely forgot to listen for the sound of the blunderbuss.

The dancers had to fight their way back into the Guthrie, and they brought zombies in with them. By the time it had all ended, and we were safely sealed in again, we had lost 15 from our ranks.

The fact that we are all now drinking French Roast coffee is little consolation.

May 19

A helicopter passed overhead today. We waved and called to it from the Guthrie's 178-foot cantilevered bridge. We could see the pilot, who was wearing a gold lame suit and what looked to be a Marie Antoinette wig. He did not seem to know how to operate a helicopter. He flew by us very quickly and then crashed into the Mississippi. We watched him crash in silence; none of us were surprised. After all, we are theater people, not helicopter pilots.

May 21

The practice piano has gone out of tune, thanks to having been very badly damaged during the Dunn Brothers Coffee incident. Yet one of the survivors, a wan fellow named Brody, insists on playing selections from Chicago on it. He has a pepperpot pistol and he brandishes it at anyone who comes near, frothing at the mouth and screaming unintelligibly. He has now played "When You're Good to Mama" for three hours straight, and people are starting to crack under the strain.

He has to sleep sometime. We will kill him then.

May 22

We have eaten Brody. A bisexual orgy followed.

May 28

There are only three of us now. The rest took their own lives just a few hours ago. En masse, without warning, they threw open the doors to the Guthrie and walked out into the streets, hand in hand, singing "Do You Hear the People Sing?" There are now thousand of zombies in the streets, and they were devoured in moments.

I do not know what happened. Had they been planning this, or was it spontaneous? If planned, why was I left out> Is it because I am a playwright? But why did they leave the others behind? Shelly is a librettist and Martin is a dramaturg. Did they leave us behind because we are literary?

Shelly and Martin tell me not to obsess about this, but what am I to think? In their last moments on earth, the actors and the dancers and the directors and the lighting staff apparently did not consider me to be one of them. In all the years I have been writing plays and musicals, I never for a moment thought that the people who did my plays might view me any differently than they would see a fellow actor or stage technician. Apparently I was wrong.

Marty asks me why it bothers me. They're all dead, he reminds me. But I think I might rather be dead than not be seen as an equal to my fellow performers and theater professionals.

June 1

I have eaten Shelly and Martin. We were starving, and we all went for the knife at once. It was them or me.

As I chewed on their bodies, I could sense that I was being watched. I looked up. Through the glass in the front of the Guthrie, hundreds of zombies silently watched me. I recognized many in the group. They were once inside this building like me. Now they were monsters.

But what was I? There I was, hands drenched in blood, choking on gristle and viscera. Was I not also a monster?

I opened the door to the theater. Then I turned and walked up the long escalator to the Guthrie's thrust stage. I could hear the living dead stumble their way into the building. They are slow and clumsy, so it will be a while before they manage to follow me up here.

In the meanwhile, I have found a box of candles, and I have taken a seat on the thrust stage. I have lit a candle and I hold it. This is where it will end for me, and this seems right. After all, it is an old theater tradition that you always leave one candle burning in a theater before you exit the building. It's silly, I suppose, but these old traditions are important. Nobody really knows why we do them, but we do. We don't say Macbeth or whistle when we're in the theater. We don't wish each other good luck. We apply powder to set our makeup by dumping a little bit into our hands and then applauding ourselves. And we leave a candle burning when we go.

Maybe it is silly, but this little gesture, this act of lighting the candle, is important to me. Soon they will come for me; even now I can hear their heavy footfalls just outside the thrust stage. They're the monsters. Me, I light candles. I'm a theater person.

LISTEN TO MAX "BUNNY" SPARBER READ "THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE":

PART ONE:









PART TWO:









DOWNLOAD "THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE" AS AN MP3.

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THE ARCHIVE: THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS (1998)

10:54 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS was constructed specifically to introduce Chinese superstar Chow Yun-Fat (The Killer, God of Gamblers, Hard Boiled, and dozens of other astonishing titles your local video store nerd can rattle off the top of his head) to American audiences. Everything here is just window dressing, just pretty stuff draped over the magnificence of Yun-Fat’s physical presence. Ignore the plot (hired killer refuses to whack child for Chinese mob boss), which proves to be so cliched that even characters in the film begin predicting its development; ignore the direction, which isn’t bad really, but when you bring in a Coolio videographer you’re not exactly pulling out your big guns; and please, ignore co-star Mira Sorvino.

I know she’s won an Oscar and graduated from Harvard, but she still comes off as a bad actress and a real ditz. Yes, yes, Quentin Tarantino called her the premiere actress of her generation — but that’s sort of like President Clinton calling Monica Lewinsky the foremost intern of her generation. Yes, yes I know she’s multilingual — but so are most Tijuana prostitutes, from whom Sorvino must have taken her fashion sense in this film. She’s badly paired with Yun-Fat here, never able to match either his bristling emotional intensity or his extraordinary grace, and so it’s hardly a wonder that by the end of the film she’s been reduced to driving him around from one gunfight to another and cowering in the dark.

I don’t know when I developed such a grudge against Sorvino, but at this moment I’m finding it very amusing, so I’ll continue: In interviews she’s stated that she was impressed with Yun-Fat’s ability to influence a film. He certainly is influential, but it’s based entirely on his talent. Knowing that Sorvino meddled with the ending of Mimic, insisting her character be given the kind of idiotic, suicidal machisma only Sigourney Weaver can make credible, Sorvino’s desire to likewise “influence” her films must have had Hollywood directors’ skins crawling in horror. Isn’t it bad enough that fellow pseudo-intellectual Sylvester Stallone was in the bait of rewriting every film he was in without encouraging this self-impressed, pouty Hollywood brat to do the same?

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THE ARCHIVE: CHRISTMAS (1998)

10:37 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses

AH, CHRISTMAS.

It has become the most important holiday of the western world, and one of its best loved. Work stops, the world briefly slows down, and sweet music and tradition rise up in place of the meanness and coldness of the rest of the year. It’s a fitting celebration for the birth of the child in the manger, Jesus of Nazareth, who Christians identify as the Messiah. Isn’t it?

Well, not exactly.

Many modern Christmas traditions come from what we will delicately call “pre-Christian” origins. Christianity was once the religion of an empire, and as it spread by force through the darker pagan lands of the empire it absorbed many of the symbols of those earthier (and to our eyes stranger) native religions. So next time you kiss your darling under the mistletoe or cook chestnuts over an open fire, think for a moment about what grizzled forest god might be watching.

What follows is a brief list of some of the most common Christmas practices, with an examination into their distinctly un-Christian origins.

Christmas: Mostly it is only Grinch-ey Fundamentalists and hippie-dippy modern pagans who delight in reminding us that the very holiday of Christmas has little to do with the birth of Jesus of Nazareth — but as nasty as they might be for pointing it out, they’re right.

There is no mention in the New Testament as to the date of Jesus’ birth. Scholars argue about the actual year (probably about 4 BCE) as well as the day (most likely in January or February), but they agree on one point: Jesus was not born December 25. So why do we commemorate his birth on that day?

The answer is both very simple and, for believers, a little unnerving. Christmas falls on or near the day of innumerable pagan holidays (a brief list of gods also born on that day: Attis, Frey, Thor, Dionysus, Osiris, Adonis and Tammuz). Significantly, December 25 is also the birthdate of Mithra, the Roman and Persian God of light. Coincidentally, in various accountings, Mithra was also born of a virgin. Shepherds and magi witnessed his birth. Mithra raised the dead, healed the sick and cast out demons. When Mithra died his twelve disciples, with whom he broke bread, surrounded him. This piece of bread, called a mizd, was marked with the image of a cross — a symbol of the sun.

Mithraism was Christianity’s major competitor in the ancient world, and the decision in 336 CE to set Christmas on the birthdate of Mithra was undoubtedly politically motivated, designed to push Mithra out of the picture by stealing his holiday. And, as the list of parallels between Jesus and Mithra shows, Christianity probably also made off with some of his attributes. It never completely worked. Firstly, not all churches were willing to celebrate the birthdate of the savior on a pagan holiday — Some would not celebrate Christmas until the seventh century, and the pilgrims rejected Christmas altogether as being both pagan and “Popish.” Many modern-day fundamentalists likewise reject Christmas, and have filled the Internet with their angry (and often badly researched) jeremiads against the holiday.

Secondly, Mithra stayed with us, hidden, as the Christmastime “Feast of Fools” in medieval Western Europe. The festival included mummers, feasting, presents, and — tellingly — a “Lord of Misrule,” all elements of Mithraism. While the festival has fallen by the wayside, its practices are still described in the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

Santa Claus: Yes, Virginia, there was a Santa Clause — but he wasn’t the jolly, fat gift-giver of your parents’ stories.

The historic St. Nicholas, Patron Saint of Bakers and Pawnbrokers, was the Bishop of Myra. Among his more unusual habits was his practice of taking nourishment on Wednesday and Friday, a practice tradition tells us dated back to his infancy, when he would refuse his mother’s breast on all but these two days. It seems we can safely assume the real Santa Clause would have been quite thin.

He also would have been quite brown. Nicholas was born in the fourth century born at Patara in Lycia, a province of Asia Minor — now found in modern day Turkey. Among Nicholas’ most notable acts was charity he anonymously gave a man whose poverty nearly forced him to sell his daughters into prostitution. This story entered folklore and rapidly transformed into something more horrific: St. Nicholas, the folklore goes, found the bodies of the three daughters pickled in brine and resuscitated them.

Nicholas is buried at his shrine in Myra, but his name lives on, attached to a fantastical character who lives in the North Pole and delivers presents to good children around the world on Christmas eve. And while the historic St. Nick was fanatically Christian, the modern St. Nick has been recreated with adornments and curlicues drawn from —

Well, from paganism.

Let us go to pre-Christian Germany. Every home that had an alter to the god Thor (usually set up at the fireplace) would be visited by him during the Yule holiday, which fell during the Winter Solstice. Children would put their wooden shoes by the fireplace, and Thor would fill them with gifts of fruit and candy. And, interestingly, lumps of coal for the fireplace.

But Santa is more than just Thor in Christian drag — he borrows from virtually the whole of Norse mythology. The Norse god Odin was famed for leading hunts through the night sky, a possible origin for Santa’s sled and reindeer — and Odin also gave money to the poor. Then there was Cernunnos, the Horned God. Cernunnos led the Wild Hunt, which consisted of chasing souls through the night sky. And let’s not forget Freya, who spent the twelve days after winter solstice driving a stag-drawn chariot and dispensing gifts to the good and punishing the wicked.

Interestingly, even the colors of Santa’s costume (and the universal colors of Christmas) betray a pagan origin. Red and white are the color of the fly agaric mushroom from northern Europe. Not only is it a favorite meal of reindeer, but it is also a powerful hallucinogenic. The fly agaric mushroom was used extensively in European pagan rituals.

The Christmas tree: As much a hassle as a delight, few Christmas traditions require as much physical labor as the Christmas tree. Even an athlete will find him or herself winded by the chore of dragging a sizable evergreen into the house and propping it up in a corner. But the next time you feel yourself doubling over, wheezing and dripping sweat while you try to force a dozen prickly branches through your too-small doorway, pause and remember that it could be worse.

We get the tree from German pagans, and it is said that their practice was to sacrifice nine kinds of every living thing by hanging them on a tree. This was to commemorate their death god, One-Eyed Woden, who was symbolized by a noose. How much simpler it is to decorate the tree with lights and baubles than with dead cats and squirrels.

There is also a touch of Yggdrasil, the World Tree. The Druids believed the roots and branched of this tree held the world together. The Druids would symbolically decorate trees with candles and cedar wicks.

Mistletoe: It is from these same Druids that we get mistletoe. They believed it had healing powers. They also viewed it as a symbol of peace — as a sprig from heaven that grew upon a tree from earth, therefore reconciling the separation between the sacred and the mundane. The Druids would encourage enemies to kiss underneath the mistletoe to make a peace compact.

Yule Logs: These come directly from Scandinavian Yule celebrations, where the log was kept burning for 12 days and a piece of it was saved to light the next year’s log.

Christmas wreaths: The decoration of houses with evergreens was so common — and universal — a practice in ancient Europe that there is scarcely a pagan religion that didn’t incorporate it. It was believed to ward of evil spirits, and might have been related to the “fire wheel.” This was a great wheel of green that was built at the top of a hill, set on fire, and then rolled down the hill — a custom that seems simultaneously more dangerous and exciting than that of hanging their smaller siblings on our doors.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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THE ARCHIVE: SABROSO

10:30 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
¡Sabroso! The Afro-Latin Groove
Various artists (Rhino)


THIS IS exactly the sort of music my father used to play at cocktail parties thrown for his shaggy and bearded college-professor friends in the pharmacology department of the University of Minnesota. They’d hover around the wine and cheese tray, shifting uncomfortably in their ill-fitting tweeds, and dryly discuss the latest advances in centrifuging technique.

My father, in the meanwhile, would already have gotten quite tight on cheap California white wine and would be mamboing alone in the living room. Surrounded by his African sculptures and abstract expressionist paintings, my father would clap his hands and gyrate in his navy turtleneck and pink bell-bottoms, pausing only to switch tapes on his reel-to-reel tape player — from the Joe Cuba Sextet to Willie Bobo, then to Mongo Santamaria and Cal Tjader.

This was funky, greasy Afro-Cuban stuff, bands that favored loose arrangements and wild percussion, and my father’s friends would studiously avoid him throughout the night. I watched all this from the top of the stairs, shrinking in horror, unable to comprehend why my father would make such a spectacle of himself. Rhino’s ¡Sabroso! CD takes me back to all that, and suddenly I remember it differently. Listening to this heady, potent music in my own bedroom, I find myself swiveling and mamboing with a glass of cheap California chardonnay in my hand, wondering how it was possible my father was so devastatingly hip.

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THE ARCHIVE: JAPANESE PRINTS (1998)

10:21 PM Reporter: Max Sparber 0 Responses
YOSHIWARA was a district of actors and prostitutes.

The Japanese aristocracy of the 1600s were forbidden to travel there (except incognito, in disguise and bearing assumed names), but merchants and craftsmen newly rich from Japan’s blossoming economy would spend their extra time and money exploring a unique world of cultural experiences offered in this little district of Edo. When not at brothels they gambled, read books, visited Bunraku theaters, and bought woodblock prints documenting their new urban experiences. These experiences they called “ukiyo,” from the Buddhist word for a hard, unstable life. The exquisite images their printmakers produced they called “Ukiyo-e,” a name that has come down to us with the poetic translation “pictures from the floating world.”

The Joslyn Museum currently has sev